Telephony's definitions

monkey sheets

Bed sheets stained with spooge because you masturbated and then subsequently ejaculated onto them.
Monkey sheets are frequently characterised by having a queer odour.

{Beavis and Butt-Head dressing themselves as ghosts for Halloween}

{Beavis}: Hey Butt-Head, this sheet smells funny.
{Butt-Head}: Yeah, huh huh. Those are my special monkey sheets.
{Beavis}: O fuck! Get it off! Get it off!! GET IT OFF!!!

by Telephony February 15, 2020

doucheknocker

A female version of a fartknocker or a buttknocker.

While I was flying the drone, I "heard" a jingle for Bob's Discount Furniture but with altered lyrics.
To wit:

♪ Bob's Bob-O-Pedics ♪
♪ From your åšs#Ø£€ to your ṕ€nµs ♪
♪ Some doucheknocker neutralised a hat!!! ♪
{~850ms silence}
♪ Bob's Bob-O-Pedics! ♪

by Telephony January 23, 2021

eye booger

Another name for sleep in your eye; it resembles a desiccated (dried up) booger from your nose.

Hold on a moment; let me get this eye booger out of my eye!

by Telephony April 26, 2014

merferator

The cardboard core inside of a toilet roll.

Hey, this TP is down to the merferator! Can you toss me another roll?

by Telephony November 16, 2010

wipe of bung

Toilet paper, plain and simple.
You wipe poo off of your bunghole with it, and then dispose of it by flushing (in most countries anyway).

Also known as bungwipe, rollios, TP, poliet taper.

{Eric}: Hey Martha, can you please get me some wipe of bung out of the cabinet just outside the bathroom? I'd get it myself but I just took a plop and I'm still sitting on the shitbowl.

by Telephony December 9, 2020

axe

How some ghetto-dwellers say the word, "ask."

It is sometimes used as part of speech when talking in ebonics (yes, it is most frequently spoken this way rather than being written this way). It is definitely one way to butcher the English language -- albiet only a single word of it. :-(

1:
{Tina}: Edward, may I axe you a question?
{Edward}: Don't you mean, "may I ASK you a question?"
{Tina}: That's what I just said! Can I axe you what all of those blown rubbers are doing on the bedroom floor every Saturday morning?

2:
Be sure to axe about the bloody ask in the trunk. ;-)

by Telephony August 5, 2012

bungsnoipe

A slightly nicer way of calling somebody a buttsnoipe (an assclown, asshat, asshole etc,)

That fartknocker is such a bungsnoipe for sneaking fish food flakes into the stroganoff at the buffet the other night.

by Telephony January 5, 2011