Telephony's definitions

Fork you!

When somebody at the dinner table asks you to go get them a fork, you go get the fork and then say, "Fork you!" as you hand them the implement.
Frequently elicits audible chuckling if not downright laughter.

{Voni}: Craig, can you please get me a fork?
{Craig}: Sure thing there Voni...(gets fork)...Here you are Aunt Voni. Fork you!
{Voni}: Chuckles quite noticeably

by Telephony June 7, 2018

BarneySplat

BarneySplat was a BBS door game that allowed the player to do all kinds of cruel things to our favourite bloated & distended purple dinosaur Barney.

Released by Bong Software in 1993, this text-only game allowed the player to get Barney drunk or stoned; even Baby Bop and the kids get to smoke out and get hammered. You also receive opportunities to kill the satanic purple pedophile ?(along with everybody el;se!) in addition to getting everybody ripped or stupid-drunk until they're all eliminated from the game.

An example screen would look like this:

"I have an idea!" Barney says. "Let's have a TEA party!"
Everyone gets out the tea and cookies, you get ready your arsonic and alcohol.

Fun things to try at the "TEA" party:
(S)pike it
try to make (P)eace tea
or (D)on't do anything

Hey Carlton! That BBS I was just on has BarneySplat in their door games menu!

by Telephony June 22, 2019

poop water

poop water (/pūp ˈwɑtəɹ/) noun.

Water or mud that has a high percentage of fecal matter (e.g. horse-puckey) in it.
Usually reeks rather strongly of poo.

Don't run that R/C truck through that puddle! It has poop water in it!
Piss you that fucking puddle reeks like fucking horse-puckey!!!

by Telephony June 29, 2019

pussy

What most people in the UK would call a cat.

{Harold}: Come here David! I want you to stroke my pussy.
{David}: Uh...um...no thank you Harold; only females would have pus...O THAT KIND OF PUSSY!!!
The hell! Why didn't you just say cat?!?

by Telephony June 30, 2019

THE FV¢K?

An abbreviated form of what the fuck? with some letters of the word fuck replaced in order to circumvent the onboard censors found in many online BBS programs (forums or even fora if you really want to be an ass about it).

{CFrom a YouTube description of a drone flight that has Slayer music overlaid upon it}

THE FV¢K?
Slayer is neither *SWEET* nor *RELAXING!!!* ;-)
It's like box jellyfish venom to the ears of many!!! :-O

by Telephony July 1, 2019

Sonic Z

The opposite of Sonic X -- that is, Sonic the Hedgehog that moves extremely slowly.

{The Sonic X theme song but with torpedoed lyrics}

♪ Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop ♪
♪ Gotta stop slow, gotta stop slow, ♪
♪ Gotta stop slower, slower, slower, slower, slower ♪
♪ Movin' at speed of dark (make tracks) ♪
♪ Slowest hedgehog it barks ♪
♪ Got ourselves a situation, stuck in a new location, ♪
♪ Without any explanation, no double relaxation! ♪
♪ Don't, don't, don't, don't, don't think, don't stink, ♪
♪ Just stop, stop, stop, stop, s-s-s-s-stop, stop! ♪
♪ Gotta avoid the ♪
♪ Bam Slam Gadget! ♪
♪ Sonic, he's not the hero! ♪
♪ Sonic, he's number zero! ♪
♪ Sonic, he's coming whee!, ♪
♪ So watch out... For Sonic Z! ♪
♪ Gotta stop slow (Sonic!), gotta stop slow (Sonic!), ♪
♪ Gotta stop slower, slower, slower, slower, slower! ♪
♪ Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop! ♪
♪ So... (Sonic) nic... (Sonic) Z, ♪
♪ Gotta stop slow! ♪
♪ Gotta stop slow! ♪
♪ Gotta stop slower, slower, slower, slower, ♪
♪ Sonic Z! ♪ :-)

by Telephony July 8, 2019

ass doilies

Plain and simple: those flushable paper toilet seat covers!

Hey Marge! Can you get an old T-shirt out of the van please? They're out of ass doilies in here!

by Telephony July 22, 2019