Jason X

A terrible movie. Here's a rundown of the story:

Jason is frozen in an ice chamber thing.
Centuries later, he is thawed out, and goes around killing dumbasses from the future.
Somehow, Jason becomes mechanically enhanced, therefore he can now kill people while looking even more like an idiot.
Jason dies in a duel with a stereotypical black guy while being blown up in an exploding ship.

Never see this movie.

Some movies are so bad, they're hilarious, such as Doom or AvP. Jason X is not one of these movies.

by Rastablowtorch November 03, 2005

Metallica

One of the greatest, and most prolific bands of all time. They were pioneers in the genre of thrash metal when they started out, with Kill Em' All. Their next three albums, Ride the Lightning, Master of Puppets, and ...And Justice for All, were, and still are, all considered speedmetal masterpieces. When the 90's rolled around, Metallica released a self titled album, nicknamed the black album. This record featured a softer, more mainstream sound, but still had that characteristic Metallica edge to it. After years of tuoring for the black album, Metallica finally went back into the studio to record their 6th album, Load. Load had a much different sound than any of their previous stuff, opting for a more bluesy, hard rock style than the speedmetal that everyone associated the band with. Not too long after Load came out, a follow up album was released, ReLoad, which consisted of other songs that were written during the same time but didn't make it onto the album. Afterwards, an collection of various old cover songs from the 80's was compiled with brand new covers, and released as Garage Inc. And not too long after that came out, Metallica recorded a concert in which they played many of their classic songs, as well as some new ones, with the San Francisco Symphony. The result was the S&M album. Years later, in 2003, Metallica put out their most recent album, St. Anger. The album had mixed reactions among fans and non fans alike, but now, more than two years after its release, hopefully the controversy has died down, and we can all look foward to the next album.

~ Metallica ~
James Hetfield - Guitar, vocals
Lars Ulrich - Drums
Kirk Hammett - Guitar
Rob Trujillo - Bass

Cliff Burton - Bass
Jason Newsted - Bass, Backing vocals
Dave Mustaine - Guitar, vocals
Ron McGoveny - Bass
Lloyd Grant - Guitar

Metallica Rules!

by rastablowtorch September 16, 2005

garfield

1. A fairly generic comic strip that has seen better days.

2. One weird-ass President that I know nothing about

1. His weight used to be the defining characteristic about him. Now Garfield's not even that fat anymore. His head's as big as his body. Wtf?

2. Behold, I don't know who President Garfield is.

by rastablowtorch September 16, 2005

core

1. The center of the earth
2. The first Stone Temple Pilots album
3. A really crappy movie

1. It's really hot in the core
2. Wicked Garden is a good song off Core
3. The Core is one shitty piece of cinematography.

by Rastablowtorch October 09, 2005

Shaq Fu

Possibly the greatest game of all time. Many have tried to emulate the awesomeness of Shaq Fu, but have come up short every time. It is a fighting game, and as the name suggests, it stars Shaq, the center on the team of righteousness. His task is to go into another dimension, save some kid he doesn't even know, and beat the hell out of anyone who stands in his way. Awesome game. To get the full Shaqtastic experience when playing this game, I would suggest playing some of Shaq's rap songs at the same time, as well as having a Miami Heat, or old Lakers or Magic game on every other tv in the house.

Man 1: Do you Shaq Fu?
Man 2: Why, no, my good sir, I do not.
Man 1: I see, then away with you, you unworthy heathen!

by Rastablowtorch September 17, 2005

South Park

1. An overrated cartoon about four kids who do stupid stuff and make fun of each other. The older South Park episodes are really funny, mainly because they weren't so much about social issues as they were about the main characters acting dumb for the hell of it. Nowadays South Park relies too much on current events to be funny. It also seems too preachy. Like the Simpsons, the newer South Park episodes lack certain qualities that made the old ones great. Cartman's still pretty funny though.

2. A part of Colorado. South Park's not the name of a town, but rather a large portion of Southern Colorado or something.

1. "Hello Children!"
"Hey Chef"

2. South Park's a pretty boring place to visit.

by Rastablowtorch September 17, 2005

Ingle Mingiti

Considered by many to be something of a god among mere mortals, Ingle Mingiti was perhaps the greatest person ever to come out of southern Syria in the early 16th century. Born of Irish and Inca bloodlines, Mingiti was truly a sight to behold. It was widely rumored that he could shove a mandolin up a goat's ass without even breaking a sweat, but this was only a small example of his power.

In 1523, he set sail to Spain aboard his schooner, the Kazaa. Upon arrival, Mingiti mustered up a group of 4 Spaniards and one Portugal man, and set out for the New World. During the long journey westward, the Spaniards began to go crazy, and begged Mingiti if they could eat the Portugal man. "Nay", said Mingiti, and so it was. The Spaniards were permitted to merely chew on the Portugal man, but not to consume any part of him, and so they did. Eventually, they arrived at what would someday nearly become known as the Mormon nation of Deseret. The party explored this strange new land, but were soon attacked by a bear, which disrupted their trek, and scattered the group across the continent.

The Europeans were eventually all killed, either by Indians or baseball midgets, but Ingle Mingiti lived on. It is said that during his travels, he found the fountain of youth in Denver, and lives to this day, working as a 7-11 cashier in Toronto.

Ingle Mingiti was truly a great man, and will be remembered forever for never giving up in the face of adversity.

by Rastablowtorch February 26, 2006