People from outerspace. Generally peace loving and wise, they've come to Earth because we've got velcro and they love that shit
I've got some Aliens living in my basement
Something I flatly refuse to conform to
What do you call a spade?
Average person: I call a 'spade' a 'spade'
PC dimwit: I call a 'spade' an 'excavation instrument'
Me: I call a 'spade' a 'fucking shovel'!!!
What I drank too much of last night...
Fast food for me at lunchtime!
Austrian psychiatrist, lived 1856-1939. Came up with things like the 'Oedipus complex', where apparently young males can become jealous of the father and want to fuck their own mothers. In my opinion, that could only happen if I were suddenly adopted by one of the Olsen twins... Hey! They're 18 now, it's open season!
If I could go back in time, I would go visit Sigmund Freud and kick him in the balls for being so stupid
A mythical place where the Fuckistani people live
I don't know where Fuckistan is, but it's there, somewhere...
What you get after eating too much McDonalds food
Me - Mate, I've got the McShits
Random person - Oh yeah? Too much McDonalds food?
Me - Exactly
A sweet tasting yet extremely lethal concoction which leaves you with a blue-green tongue if you drink enough of it.
It consists of:
- 1 shot vodka
- 1 shot gin
- 1 shot bacardi
- 1 shot white tequila
- 1 DASH blue curaçao
- 1 DASH cointreau (don't over-do this or else it tastes nasty)
- 1 can of redbull
Pour over crushed ice in a pint glass and enjoy
I once drank 6 pints of Bullfrog and passed out