Definitions by QuacksO
free-food fiasco
Da frequent sabotaging of one's attempts to "eat wholesome" or stay on a strict low-cal/carb diet to lose weight and/or otherwise improve his health by purchasing only "basic" and "natural" groceries; said messing-up occurs when either you get jovially invited to "consume mass quantities" by your Coneheads-appetited buddies at a party or backyard barbecue, or you unexpectedly come across some leftover/discarded food that is still safe/edible... hey, for this latter example, you absolutely HAVE to eat it, right? We can't be wasting food, now, can we, especially when there are children starving all over the world; it saves on your grocery-bill, as well. And besides, salvaged food --- by the virtue of your conscientiously not letting it go to waste --- isn't fattening, anyway; only food that either you're served or you actually go and PURCHASE adds on da pounds... everybody knows THAT!
Two classic examples of a free-food fiasco are (1) where Hagar goes out on his porch and finds a huge cornucopia of tasty rich treats labeled, "For Hagar"; he sadly remarks, "This always happens whenever I go on a diet!", and (2) where the irritable and acutely-nicotine-dependent Dr. Becker is trying to give up da cancer-sticks, but then finds several unopened boxes of them in a dumpster behind his workplace.
free-food fiasco by QuacksO August 12, 2019
Murphy's Law opportunist
Someone who utilizes the "reliable" bad-luck-causing syndrome of Murphy's Law by actually turning it his own benefit or that of his friends. Extra points if these other folks actually hire him for pay to "suffer on their behalf".
One excellent example of a Murphy's Law opportunist would be someone who hangs out his laundry to dry on an occasion when rain is desired.
Murphy's Law opportunist by QuacksO August 11, 2019
Tippycanoe
Nickname for a U.S. president who was on very "unstable" political turf, and thus he should be very careful not to "male waves" in Congress.
President John Tyler was a staunch supporter of slavery which any reasonable-minded citizen would oppose, so it's no wonder that he had a really Tippycanoe dude as a running-mate.
Tippycanoe by QuacksO August 11, 2019
pisstol
A "blanks/caps-only" revolver dat da firearms-store gives you (along wif a coupon good for unlimited "harmless" ammo-refills for a month) to use during da 30-day waiting-period dat dey make you fumingly suffer through before you can pick up da "real" handgun dat you purchased. Da theory/intention of this practice is to hopefully increase/enhance da effectiveness of this month-long "cooling-off period"... i.e., if you were wanting da gun because you were mad at someone and wanted to kill him, you could "totally knock yourself out" --- i.e., wrathfully blast away at said "offender" all you want --- wif da prop-gun for four-plus weeks, and then hopefully by da end of dat period, your anger towards said person would have sufficiently dissipated after seethingly directing hundreds of humongous satisfyingly-deafening muzzle-blasts and puffs of smoke in his direction, and so you would then either change your mind about buying da "real" gun in da first place, or at least you would not use said bang-stick to harm said "offender" --- or anyone else --- when you eventually did acquire it.
Brunetin
The little-known ebony-haired contemporary of Jean François Gravelet, the famous 19th-century French tightrope-walker and acrobat.
2-stroke engine
A combination of a gal who's an expert at giving killer hand-jobs and a guy who's so aroused dat he's just about ready to blow when da gal first takes his tautly-engorged schlong in her hands, and thus she gets him off with just a single up-down rub.
If a gal has perfect timing with her hand/wrist/arm when performing a 2-stroke engine with a virile dude, it's possible for her to achieve a "synchronized plug-firing" --- i.e., doing the down-stroke on the boy's cock at the same moment as each throbbing burst of release --- during said balls-draining session. Plus if the guy's sperm-glands are fully recharged from having waited a sufficient period of time after his last ejaculation, then this "piston-cycle" operation can be performed up to maybe a dozen times for each successive spurt until the eager stud finally "runs dry".
2-stroke engine by QuacksO August 7, 2019
Sears Rowback
Da infamously-unreliable outboard 60's/'70's-era outboard motor from da first major "fixed prices" store --- it really "sears" your temper when you get putt-putted far out into da bay and then your prop-engine quits on you, and thus you are then obliged to "row back" all da way to da dock again!
It may indeed cost less to buy a Sears Rowback for your punt than a number of other manufacturer's outboards, but you will do well to make sure you bring a good pair of oars along in your boat --- further explanation unnecessary!
Sears Rowback by QuacksO August 7, 2019