QuacksO's definitions

pharmapseudocals

All of da b**ls**t-quackery prescription drugs dat are usually not very effective and are often more potent and toxic than many "illegal" drugs.

I've only taken one prescription-med pill in my entire life --- under the direction of a licensed psychiatrist, of course --- and it violently disagreed with me, so I've totally swore off da whole kit 'n' kaboodle... no pharmapseudocals for me, thank you very much!

by QuacksO April 5, 2019

HOWE did he make stitches so fast???

He used his newly-invented sewing machine (duh!).

In a historic mid-1800's sewing-speed contest, Elias Howe was able to sew 250 stitches per minute on his mechanical wonder, as opposed to a mere thirty stitches that a group of professional seamstresses were able to make in that same allotment of time. I imagine that said fleet-fingered ladies exchanged astonished gawking stares and asked each other, "HOWE did he make stitches so fast???"

by QuacksO April 5, 2019

The Golden Rule

One of those classic "viable only in theory" philosophies that doesn't stand up in the real world.

Two huge problems with The Golden Rule are:

(1) You cannot know what someone else prefers, so if you try to do for him what you yourself like, this does not mean that said choice of actions will be at all pleasant/agreeable for him.
(2) Few folks are actually going "practice the Golden Rule back to you", so if you attempt to "do the right thing" and give someone what you would want if you were in his shoes, he will likely just view you as a foolish sucker and take shamelessly advantage of you --- he will simply "take, take, take" from you till he's totally drained you dry, then stomp off in a huff without even a single word of appreciation or acknowledgement, and feelinglessly look for his next naive soft-heart whom he can exploitingly victimize for his own selfsish personal gain.

by QuacksO April 5, 2019

independent contractor

Someone who performs tasks even before he's been asked/hired/authorized to do so; he merely learns/overhears that something may need/be wished to be done, and so he himself steps in and completes said activity of his own accord, whether the people involved actually wish it to be performed or not. Just goes to show that you'll want to be really careful what you say when you're in the company of others --- you never know who might be listening, and then planning to carry out something that you merely mentioned about, not that you were actually asking anyone to perform for you.

MacGyver's arch-nemesis and professional gunman Murdoc takes the concept of "independent contractor" to a whole new --- and tragic --- extreme... even if the person who hires him merely wishes to have the mark scared --- or even if Murdoc's "employer" changes his mind and and no longer wishes Murdoc to perform said terrorism --- he continues to murderously pursue his mark anyway.

by QuacksO April 7, 2019

Ahkeelyou's heel

Achmed's weakness.

It is often quite difficult to get Achmed to cooperate or even hold a decent conversation, but if you offer him a bomb or other device of mass-destruction, that is his Ahkeelyou's heel, and you will totally have him eatin' outta yer hand --- anything that involves widespread annihilation and catastrophic ruination appeals to him immensely.

by QuacksO April 7, 2019

cumuppance

Your "just deserts" for sexual irresponsibilty, such as contracting an STD, getting pregnant, etc.

One should either always use condoms or practice abstinence, so as to avoid unexpected cumuppances.

by QuacksO April 7, 2019

diabettic

An insulin-dependent person whose condition causes him to purchase way too many scratch-off tickets.

My cousin is a diabettic, so I always take her grocery-shopping at the local Amish store where they eschew anything to do with gambling, so that she doesn't feel tempted by any of those rolls of shiny removable-paint-dotted cards.

by QuacksO April 7, 2019