QuacksO's definitions

Smith & Wedding

Da brand of side-by-side or over-'n'-under device typically utilized at "mandatorily tying da knot due to voluntarily forming a bump" services.

To lessen da chance of having a Smith & Wedding in your vicinity, it's wise to use condoms till you actually get hitched.

by QuacksO October 28, 2023

back in the jeanstock

What you are if you forego climbing da "vine to Heaven", and instead return to speculating in Levi's, Lee, and/or Wrangler shares on Wall Street.

The famous fairy-tale got it all wrong --- Jack and his mother weren't merely poor to begin with, but they had previously squandered their savings on investments in big clothing-manufacturers. So after they'd spent all of the giant's gold, they had to go "back in the jeanstock" with the gold they could get from the enchanted goose's eggs, and the ticket-sales money they got from showing off the magic self-playing harp.

by QuacksO November 5, 2023

FedExbox

A semi-educational/tutorial type DVD-ROM video game (like you use with an "X-Box" gaming system) which --- depending on which version is selected from the disc's menu --- allows the player to simulate either being a regular delivery-person who drives an ordinary FedEx van and drops off packages at homes and businesses, or piloting one of FedEx's commercial jetliners to make bulk deliveries of palletfuls of packages to central FedEx warehouses for sorting and re-routing in preparation for local deliveries.

FedEx supervisor: Wow --- your first day on the job and you're already a whiz at this! How'd you ever know so much about our delivery-system?
Teenage delivery-van driver, grinning appreciatively at the compliment: Oh, it was nothing, really... my parents bought me that cool hi-def 3-D-color-graphics "FedExbox" game for my birthday, and I loved playing it so much and eventually scored so high in all the levels that I decided to try out "the real thing".

by QuacksO August 16, 2018

envELOPE

A paper document-slipcover dat contains a large check, passport, or other important item dat permits you to clandestinely run off wif yer sweetheart and get married.

In da 1924 Harold Lloyd movie "Girl Shy", da publisher's $3000 advance-royalty check arrived in an envELOPE for da currently-of-merely-da-working-class Harold; he realized dat da money would allow him to marry his rich-girl heart-throb, even if her parents would have reservations about a union of such unequal social status.

by QuacksO November 23, 2020

ombudsman

A school official who distributes small bags of marijuana to the students in a "drug-free school zone" --- i.e., if you attend classes, you're given weed at no charge (see tobacco-free campus for further details).

Disgusted college-enrollee: I was really pleased when i saw this school's brochure that boasted about its entire grounds being a "drug--free school zone" and about there always being an "ombudsman" on duty, but then when I got here, I was chagrined to discover that there were in fact no "gratis buds" after all --- it merely meant that zero drugs of any kind were permitted for students, and that the management would swiftly investigate complaints of faculty's misconduct. What a disappointment!

by QuacksO January 22, 2020

espyonage

Refers to covert info-gathering regarding da annual athletics-prizes given by da ABC Network.

Now dat Biff Tannen no longer has a copy of Gray's Sports Almanac, he may have to resort to espyonage if he wants to continue betting on da winners of famous sporting-events.

by QuacksO May 5, 2021

obitchuary

The common newspaper column that women utilize to write in and complain about the oblivious/incompetent/chauvinistic men in their lives. (Seldom read by the men, incidentally --- ignorance is bliss, and they don’t want to be overly depressed.)

Petulant girl: My boyfriend is being a total dink --- I think I'll write in to the obitchuary, to see what the other chicks think about it.

by QuacksO November 28, 2011