Definitions by QuacksO
"alternatives"-ad fury
The near-maniacal rage you feel when an online vendor/advertiser off-handedly remarks that a desired product/content is no longer offered/available, and then adds insult to injury by cheerfully cajoling, "But no worries --- check out some of our other awesome products/services, like these!", causing you to just wanna smash yer fist right through the screen in resentful frustration, since whatever "substitute" profferings they are showing you have virtually no resemblance whatever to what you were looking for and would certainly not be anywhere near as satisfying; it's almost like they're presuming to imply that THEY know more about what YOU want than YOU do YOURSELF!
Counsellor, sympathetically consoling a late-teens client who is practically climbing the walls in tearful frustration from having been cheekily offered "Super Mario" by an online-gaming website when he'd wanted to play a round of "Spy Hunter Classic" after a long day at high school, just as he'd been doing every evening for the past two years: Ah-haa --- sounds to me like a classic case of "alternatives"-ad fury --- I so totally "get ya", Young Man, and I don't blame ya one bit for feeling this way... a lot of companies sure don't consider what their customers truly want whenever they"update" their offerings, do they? Reminds me of a couple of local radio stations back when I was around your age --- all of a sudden they stopped playing their traditional soothing '60's 'n' '70's easy-listening music in favor of pop-bop and country-crap --- a LOT of adult-listeners were REALLY bummed out about that! Why, I myself STILL sorely miss that wonderful music almost thirty years later!
"alternatives"-ad fury by QuacksO July 13, 2018
key to happiness
That precious uniquely-carved strip of brass that a hot chick entrusts you with, and which allows you to unlock the front door to her house/apartment. (Well, duhhhh…!)
The ultimate gesture of a nice lady’s trust in you is if she lets you have a copy of the key to happiness.
key to happiness by QuacksO July 13, 2018
Statue of Limitations
The little-known "sister" statue of Lady Liberty, this monument is a testament to our legal-system's "escape hatch" loophole which allows wrongdoers to be let off the hook for anything other than super-violent/serious crimes if they can just lay low for two or six years.
Just as our most famous bronze monument in NYC harbor has attracted less-than-savory aliens over the centuries, our infamous Statue of Limitations is a magnet for foreign criminals on the lam.
Statue of Limitations by QuacksO July 12, 2018
polkahauntus
Where a catchy dance-rune sticks in your mind and hinders you from concentrating on more important stuff.
Ever since that slightly-crazy office-party dance a couple nights ago, everyone in the company has been silently bobbing and swaying in their desk-chairs and pirouetting down the hallways --- I guess that polkahauntus for quite a while.
polkahauntus by QuacksO July 11, 2018
cereal number
The "on a scale from one to a hundred" nutritional-rating figure --- one being totally lousy and hyper-fattening, like Chocolate-Covered Sugar-Krunchies, and a hundred being a "perfect ten", like quick oats or plain shredded-wheat biscuits with whole milk and raisins --- that is assigned to a particular grain-based breakfast-selection, depending on how healthfully-balanced a food it is.
Murphy's Law: "Most any breakfast-snack will have a cereal number that is in direct inverse proportion to how tasty and appealing it is to the majority of members of the general public, especially the little ones." Ain't DAT da truth????
cereal number by QuacksO July 11, 2018
Yom Kipper
I always love visiting my Orthodox Hebrew friends during Yom Kipper, since they always share their traditional scrumptious dried-fish meals with me.
Yom Kipper by QuacksO July 11, 2018