The concept that it's much better to emigrate to Australia than live in a tired and rather shabby looking United Kingdom. The theory sounds great, but is complicated by the Drongo Uncertainty Principle, in which you either live in Australia but realise it's not as great as you thought it would be (which usually occurs when the deadly finger-web spider bites you on the funnel) OR you're in the UK, it's cold, wet, and dismal, and you've just been mugged for your mobile phone, and so you dream of an idyllic life in the sun playing with large friendly marsupials (known as 'Ozzies').
In the UK:
Gerald: 'That damned Johnny in the hooded top just beat me up and took my phone!'
Edward: 'Ahhhh! Playing with the Ozzies in the balmy climes of Australia would be so much better!'
Gerald: Hmmmm! Quantus theory!'
-------------------------------------
Simultaneously in Australia:
Tadger: 'Bollocks mate! I just got bit on the funnel by a finger-web spider!'
Johnno: 'No wucking furries mate, we'll move to England.'
Tadger: 'Rack off! That's just Quantus theory!'
Buy a
Quantus theory
mug!
So gay that they are Gaybarella, the Queen of the Galaxy.
Bob: 'How d'you like my cerise silk thong, Darren Darren?'
Darren: 'Whoa! You is Gaybarella, Queen of the Galaxy. Respeck!'
An imaginary device that measures how truly dire something is.
Guy1: "Get a load of my new Hawaian shirt - it rocks!"
Guy2: "Sorry dude, it's a ten on the tossometer."
To back out of something in an especially weak and wimpish manner.
Guy1: "Hey, yo' still coming to the pub tonight? We'll do a gallon and then have a curry!"
Guy2: "I can't now, I've got some letters to write and then I have to wash my hair."
Guy1: "That is a total wimp out bro."
The result of over-enthusiastic weight training or body-building. When you just had to do that extra rep at 250 pounds but should have known better, and pop your shoulder out of its socket as a result.
Jason: "No. I'm OK! I can do one more rep!"
Pete: "Jason, that's 36 stone you're pressing!
Jason: "I'm OK! I can do it. Hnnnnnggghhhhahhhhrrrgggg!"
Pete: "What ? What's the matter???!!!!??"
Jason: "Sheeee-it! My shoulders!"
Pete: "That's the way to pop a socket!"
The exclamation you make when imaging the noise your hand would make on the snare-drum tight ass of a hottie-McHot-Hot girl in spray on leather jeans when you slap her playfully on the backside, knowing that she will truly enjoy and appreciate the gesture, as she turns to link arms with you before bearing you many strong and fine sons. If it this does happen to you then you are living in the Matrix and have discovered that some rules can be bent; others can be broken. Usually it will result in one's nose being bent, sometimes broken.
Dude #1: "Whoa! Look at the arse on that! Don't try to stop me!"
Thrawhapo (sound of hand on leather).
Dude #2: "Here. Have my handkerchief. It will help staunch the bleeding from your nose dude!"
The feeling of sudden shock when you discover that your bank account is empty because your personal details which were lost by Her Majesty's Revenue and Customs were then used for identity theft. Courtesy of the Rt. Hon Alistair Darling et al.
- "Arrrgh! Where did all our $*!@$%@ money go?!?!"
- "You know when you've been Darlinged!"
