Definitions by Nick your stuff

Mattserbation 

When a guy called Matthew strangles his sausage.

Q. Matt’s been gone for awhile, what’s do you think he’s up to?
A. Mattserbation.

Mattserbation by Nick your stuff March 12, 2020

The Matt Controller 

Matt's are traditionally submissive, so any time they hook up with a lady, they become pussy whipped.

Q. Where's Matt tonight?
A. He's with Kath (his new girlfriend) who has turned him into Thomas the Tank Engine... You know, because Kath is the Matt Controller...

The Matt Controller by Nick your stuff March 12, 2020

Matt-arsed 

When a Matt gets so off chops from booze and/or gear he is rat-arsed.

Q. How's the big fella (Matt) going? A record 16 shooters at the Ruby Lounge would knock anyone about...
A. He's totally matt-arsed.

Matt-arsed by Nick your stuff February 24, 2019

2 course banquet 

When a guy eats out both of an Asian's holes - front and back.

Matt was late home, so his girlfriend Meg-lin was a bit pissed off...

Sorry babe, I'll make it up to you by giving you a 2 course banquet.

2 course banquet by Nick your stuff February 24, 2019

Pineapple 

A common safeword used by dominatrix.

After paying $350 for a dominatrix, there was no way Matt was going to say "pineapple". No matter how many times he was kicked in the balls.

Pineapple by Nick your stuff February 24, 2019

Ruby Lounge

Dodgy London share house that holds full ok parties for wasted antipodean folk.

After a whole bunch of laybacks at the Ruby Lounge, they decided to rig up a toy train to do laps of the party room. It was supposed to deliver shots. Instead it just fell on passed out people.

Ruby Lounge by Nick your stuff February 24, 2019

Steaktard 

Someone who believes they can BBQ the perfect steak... But can't.

Matt bought a $3,000 BBQ then wouldn't shut up about how good he was at cooking steak.

He finally BBQ some aged steaks for us...
It was ok. Sure. But he was still a steaktard.

Steaktard by Nick your stuff February 24, 2019