Nick D's definitions

living in a van down by the river

A figurative expression meaning being a complete failure at life, a drain on society. Originates from the SNL skit featuring Chris Farley as Matt Foley, motivational speaker.

"You kids are probably saying to yourself, "Now, I'm gonna go out, and I'm gonna get the world by the tail and wrap it around and put it in my pocket!" Well, I'm here to tell you that you're probably gonna find out, as you go out there, that you're not gonna amount to jack squat!" You're gonna end up eating a steady diet of government cheese and living in a van down by the river!" -Matt Foley

Dad: "You made it, son! Congratulations on graduating from Harvard Summa Cum Laude and getting that great job at Goldman Sachs, the world's #1 investment bank."
Son: "Thanks, dad. But actually I only got Magna Cum Laude and will be working at Morgan Stanley, the #2 investment bank in the world."
Dad: "WHAAAAAAT?!?! How have I raised such a worthless, good-for-nothing slacker? You couldn't even finish in the top 10% of your Harvard class with your 3 point..."
Son: "3.76."
Dad: "3.76? A monkey with down syndrome could get a better GPA than that! You miserable failure!"
Son: "Dad, seriously, I worked really hard!"
Dad: "I bet you did! I bet you worked your ass off playing beer pong and chasing the coeds! Well sonny, you're going to have plenty of time to drink beer and chase trashy women when you're LIVING IN A VAN DOWN BY THE RIVER!!!"

by Nick D June 21, 2006

ride dirty

1) To roll in your car with drugs, guns, or other shit you don't want the cops to find. Usually drugs.

2) To not have taken a shower in awhile or wiped one's ass properly.

1)
"They see me rollin', they hatin', patrollin'
Tryin' to catch me ridin' dirty."
(Chamillionaire - "Ridin' Dirty")

2)
Jim: "Hey, get your ass over here. There's grippa bitches. What's taking so long?"
James: "Give me 20 minutes. Gotta take a shower."
Jim: "Dude, you don't need a shower. The party's not gonna wait."
James: "No, you don't understand...it was chili con carne night and we're out of T.P. The neighbors came over to complain because they thought someone was playing the trumpet terribly while firing a machine gun."
Jim: "OOOOH yeah, good call. You really don't want to ride dirty like that."

by Nick D June 11, 2006

get a grip

To pick up a large amount of, or grip of something, rather than a small amount.

Jared: "I'm never going to be able to feed everyone at the party with only one bag of chips!!! OH NOOOO!!!"
Mark: "Get a grip, man!!! You're freaking out!!!"
Jared: "Gee, what a swell idea! I'll just get 3 or 4 bags...that should be more than enough!"

by Nick D June 3, 2006

like a Turkish student loves Stochastic Modeling

A common saying used to describe a powerful love for something/someone...generally used like this: "I love ______ like a Turkish student loves Stochastic Modeling." This saying comes from the fact that a large number of Turkish students generally come to American universities to study this subject. Same basic idea as like a fat kid loves cake.

50 Cent: "Yo bitch, you's a fine-ass piece, you know what I'm sayin'? I love yo' ass like a Turkish student loves Stochastic Modeling."
Ho: "Aww...that's the most romantic thing I've ever heard. You're so sweet!"

by Nick D May 30, 2006

goonie

A fairly small rock, bigger than about baseball size, but still small enough to be thrown. Originates from Central Pennsylvania dialect.

Your mom's boob job is so terrible that titty-fucking her feels like rubbing your penis between a couple of goonies.

by Nick D May 28, 2006

hogged up

Central Pennsylvania term for very drunk, shit-faced, or three sheets to the wind.

Amber: "So I hear you're going on a date with some new guy tonight...Jack was his name, right?"
Gretchen: "Damn right...I've got a big date with good ol' Jack Daniels! I'm fin' to get all hogged up and screw whatever guy hits on me first at Bubba's Tavern. WOOO-WEE!" *BUUUUUURP!!!*

by Nick D May 28, 2006

get more ass than a toilet seat

To really rake in the women. Popularized by Eminem & Nate Dogg's "Shake That."

Nate Dogg: "...I like good pussy and I like good trees. Smoke so much weed you wouldn't believe, and I get more ass than a toilet seat."

When Fred got promoted from restroom attendant to bouncer at the club, he started getting more ass than a toilet seat.

by Nick D May 28, 2006