Mr. Cardboard's definitions
An emotion which, irrespective of whatever previous emotion you were feeling, instantaneously makes you feel like you are going to die, fills your entire body with adrenaline and sends your heart rate off the scale.
Fear was a very useful evolutionary advance for millions of years, keeping mankind one step ahead of predators and snakes and shit but unfortunately it still occurs in trivial situations, such as:
- when you lean back on your chair to the point it feels like it might suddenly tip over
- when you are eating food in the street and you almost drop a bit on the floor
- when you have been smoking weed with your bong buddies for a few hours and a group of very tall, charismatic people you haven't met before suddenly show up
- when your girlfriend almost discovers the stash of tranny porn you acquired years ago but completely forgot about...until right now
Fear was a very useful evolutionary advance for millions of years, keeping mankind one step ahead of predators and snakes and shit but unfortunately it still occurs in trivial situations, such as:
- when you lean back on your chair to the point it feels like it might suddenly tip over
- when you are eating food in the street and you almost drop a bit on the floor
- when you have been smoking weed with your bong buddies for a few hours and a group of very tall, charismatic people you haven't met before suddenly show up
- when your girlfriend almost discovers the stash of tranny porn you acquired years ago but completely forgot about...until right now
"Are you coming to the pub?"
"No man I got severely drunk in there last night and exposed myself to everyone. I can't face their accusing eyes until the fear goes away."
"No man I got severely drunk in there last night and exposed myself to everyone. I can't face their accusing eyes until the fear goes away."
by Mr. Cardboard October 30, 2011
Get the fearmug. A spare parent. A parent you could quite easily manage without for the rest of your life.
Usually people have either one sparent, but ideally no sparents until the age of 18. After this age one ought to have two sparents, but may feel as if they still need at least one of their sparents.
The maximum number of sparents a person can have is 4, when one's parents have divorced and both remarried such that one has two actual parents and two step-parents, but all of them are useless and hence spare.
The minimum number is -2, i.e. one is an orphan, under the age of 18 who really needs two parents.
Usually people have either one sparent, but ideally no sparents until the age of 18. After this age one ought to have two sparents, but may feel as if they still need at least one of their sparents.
The maximum number of sparents a person can have is 4, when one's parents have divorced and both remarried such that one has two actual parents and two step-parents, but all of them are useless and hence spare.
The minimum number is -2, i.e. one is an orphan, under the age of 18 who really needs two parents.
by Mr. Cardboard November 8, 2011
Get the sparentmug. Untidy skin/flesh emanating from the ringpiece, giving it the appearance of chewed bacon. Usually as a result of overly aggressive anal sex but can equally be caused by prolapse or even be congenital.
Lord Asquith met Lady Jane at the Spring ball, and after months of wooing he finally came to court her. In time they were married and there was much rejoicing throughout the land. Alas on their wedding night he discovered she had anal bacon, rendering him impotent. He obtained an anullment later that week.
by Mr. Cardboard July 24, 2012
Get the anal baconmug. Cocktail - variant of the Bloody Mary.
A large measure of 60% proof white Jamaican rum in a dirty glass, overfilled with tinned chopped tomatoes such that the juice runs down the outside of the glass onto the table. Stirred with index finger, spilling more of the contents.
Taste and immediately regret. Place on table and forget about for several minutes, then accidentally spill down the wall. Leave on wall for 3-5 years.
A large measure of 60% proof white Jamaican rum in a dirty glass, overfilled with tinned chopped tomatoes such that the juice runs down the outside of the glass onto the table. Stirred with index finger, spilling more of the contents.
Taste and immediately regret. Place on table and forget about for several minutes, then accidentally spill down the wall. Leave on wall for 3-5 years.
by Mr. Cardboard November 6, 2011
Get the shipwreckmug. Something that men have 24 kinds of whereas women have just 23. Although women have two X chromosomes while men have one X and one Y, one of the women's X chromosomes is "transcriptionally silent" i.e. completely inactive.
The Y chromosome is the sole distinguishing factor between men and women and therefore the home of the genes for rationality and abilities such as parking, understanding maps, inventing humourous jokes or indeed anything useful, using an ATM in 30 seconds or less and not turning into a blubbering mess when something trivial occurs, like a parent's death.
The Y chromosome is the sole distinguishing factor between men and women and therefore the home of the genes for rationality and abilities such as parking, understanding maps, inventing humourous jokes or indeed anything useful, using an ATM in 30 seconds or less and not turning into a blubbering mess when something trivial occurs, like a parent's death.
"Have you seen The Sarah Silverman Show? She is one funny ass chick!"
"Yeah but she's literally the ONLY one, makes me kinda suspicious about them chromosomes."
"Yeah but she's literally the ONLY one, makes me kinda suspicious about them chromosomes."
by Mr. Cardboard October 30, 2011
Get the chromosomesmug. Before hiding the sausage, any man worth his salt first hides the chips. i.e. before sticking your cock in a bird it is generally wise to stick a couple of fingers in there to assess the risk of disease/transvestite/mousetraps.
This act can be conveniently passed off as "foreplay".
This act can be conveniently passed off as "foreplay".
A: Dude I saw you getting it on with Stacey last night, how'd you make out?
B: Gutted, she'd only let me finger her.
A: Hid the chips?* Here let me smell.
*past participle of "hide the chips"
B: Gutted, she'd only let me finger her.
A: Hid the chips?* Here let me smell.
*past participle of "hide the chips"
by Mr. Cardboard June 27, 2011
Get the hide the chipsmug. Every woman on the face of the earth, plus any that happen to be in space right now.
"Stacey and me were so close when we were at primary, but then she hit puberty and now she's like a snake with tits."
"Stacey and me were so close when we were at primary, but then she hit puberty and now she's like a snake with tits."
by Mr. Cardboard October 30, 2011
Get the snake with titsmug.