Mr. Cardboard's definitions

hide the chips

Before hiding the sausage, any man worth his salt first hides the chips. i.e. before sticking your cock in a bird it is generally wise to stick a couple of fingers in there to assess the risk of disease/transvestite/mousetraps.

This act can be conveniently passed off as "foreplay".

A: Dude I saw you getting it on with Stacey last night, how'd you make out?
B: Gutted, she'd only let me finger her.
A: Hid the chips?* Here let me smell.

*past participle of "hide the chips"

by Mr. Cardboard June 27, 2011

snake with tits

A woman.

Every woman on the face of the earth, plus any that happen to be in space right now.

"Stacey and me were so close when we were at primary, but then she hit puberty and now she's like a snake with tits."

by Mr. Cardboard October 30, 2011

sex dungeon

Any form of dungeon where sexual activities occur.

At one extreme this is a spare room in a house containing some vaguely dungeony artefacts like plastic handcuffs where a consensual couple may role play S&M when they are in the mood for some minor kink.

The other extreme is an actual dungeon in the dark, dank bowels of an actual castle where individuals are held permanently against their will and forced to perform unspeakable acts for the gratification of their captor.

Customer: "Do you sell galvanised steel chain?"

Shop assistant: "Yes sir, aisle 6"

Customer: "Great, and do you have manacles?"

Shop assistant: "Sorry we're fresh out, have you tried 'Sex Dungeons R Us'?"

by Mr. Cardboard November 7, 2011

jack

Suffix meaning "to steal", generally applied to a vehicle or situation. Originates from the word hijack but bastardised for comic effect.

Dude 1: I was gonna go for a crap but someone's running a bath.

Dude 2: You should have jacked it.

Dude 1: Bathjacking?

by Mr. Cardboard November 6, 2011

Renee Zellweger

A magic incantation that makes a giant, painful shit come out when you say it. If the pain of a dump is so heinous it makes you pull a face like Renee Zellweger, speaking her name is the only way to guarantee it's safe passage.

When spoken properly it sounds like this "RRRRRRRRRReneeezellwegAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH....."

Dude I just took the biggest shit, it was a full on Renee Zellweger.

by Mr. Cardboard January 27, 2012

time machine

A sizeable stash of pornography built up over several decades, enabling you to relive the experiences of people who masturbated in those times.

Will Ferrell: "I still hate you, but you've got a pretty awesome collection of nudie mags."

John C. Reilly: "Yeah, I got them from the '70's, '80's and '90's. It's like masturbating in a time machine."

by Mr. Cardboard November 7, 2011

McFucktard

1. A low-level employee of McDonalds or any other generic fast-food outlet.

2. An extremely stupid person, more fucktarded than a regular fucktard.

3. A fucktard's offspring, as the prefix 'Mc' means 'son of' in Scottish.

Customer: "Big Mac and fries please."

McFucktard: "Do you want fries with that?"

by Mr. Cardboard November 7, 2011