Mr. Cardboard's definitions

Lambrover

A Lambrini hangover. A hangover resulting from excessive consumption of Lambrini.

Not to be confused with: Lamb rover.

Cherise woke up wondering where she was, still wearing the same dress from last night. She stumbled to the bathroom past her broken high heels and sat on the toilet with her head in her hands. Pulling out her Galaxy Note 10 she started to go through the pictures from last night on Facebook. This was the beginning of the mother of all Lambrovers.

by Mr. Cardboard August 23, 2019

pornanza

A bonanza of porn.

I've never seen so much porn in one place at one time, it's a pornanza!

by Mr. Cardboard July 5, 2012

Jacksons

Testicles.

From rhyming slang: Jackson Pollocks, bollocks.

My girlfriend only lets me teabag her if I've shaved my Jacksons.

by Mr. Cardboard July 5, 2012

bacon

The labia of the vagina.

Inner or outer and ranging in appearance from tiny and tidy, through streaky, to full medallions and at the extreme - pieces which someone has attempted to chew, choked on and had to be Heimliched and kept in hospital overnight as a precaution.

I was reading the Victoria's Secret catalogue trying to pick my favourite model, one of them was far more beautiful than the rest but you could tell she had excessive bacon and it made the process so much more taxing.

by Mr. Cardboard July 24, 2012

anal bacon

Untidy skin/flesh emanating from the ringpiece, giving it the appearance of chewed bacon. Usually as a result of overly aggressive anal sex but can equally be caused by prolapse or even be congenital.

Lord Asquith met Lady Jane at the Spring ball, and after months of wooing he finally came to court her. In time they were married and there was much rejoicing throughout the land. Alas on their wedding night he discovered she had anal bacon, rendering him impotent. He obtained an anullment later that week.

by Mr. Cardboard July 24, 2012

Renee Zellweger

A magic incantation that makes a giant, painful shit come out when you say it. If the pain of a dump is so heinous it makes you pull a face like Renee Zellweger, speaking her name is the only way to guarantee it's safe passage.

When spoken properly it sounds like this "RRRRRRRRRReneeezellwegAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH....."

Dude I just took the biggest shit, it was a full on Renee Zellweger.

by Mr. Cardboard January 27, 2012

hide the chips

Before hiding the sausage, any man worth his salt first hides the chips. i.e. before sticking your cock in a bird it is generally wise to stick a couple of fingers in there to assess the risk of disease/transvestite/mousetraps.

This act can be conveniently passed off as "foreplay".

A: Dude I saw you getting it on with Stacey last night, how'd you make out?
B: Gutted, she'd only let me finger her.
A: Hid the chips?* Here let me smell.

*past participle of "hide the chips"

by Mr. Cardboard June 27, 2011