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Mr. Cardboard's definitions

chromosomes

Something that men have 24 kinds of whereas women have just 23. Although women have two X chromosomes while men have one X and one Y, one of the women's X chromosomes is "transcriptionally silent" i.e. completely inactive.

The Y chromosome is the sole distinguishing factor between men and women and therefore the home of the genes for rationality and abilities such as parking, understanding maps, inventing humourous jokes or indeed anything useful, using an ATM in 30 seconds or less and not turning into a blubbering mess when something trivial occurs, like a parent's death.
"Have you seen The Sarah Silverman Show? She is one funny ass chick!"

"Yeah but she's literally the ONLY one, makes me kinda suspicious about them chromosomes."
by Mr. Cardboard October 30, 2011
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special needs haircut

One of the best possible pranks you can pull on someone who gets too drunk and falls asleep at a party. Various forms are possible but depend largely on the pre-existing haircut, the position the recipient has passed out in, how unconscious they are and the hair cutting devices available.

The classic is the bowl cut - hair above the ears is left untouched, hair below the ears is badly shaved down to about number 2. Ths should ideally be lopsided with a meander at the back of the head for maximum "specialness".

nb. it is a mortal sin to pull this prank on a woman due partly to the fact that all women everywhere will feel such sympathy for her that you will never get laid again, but mostly because women should never, ever have short hair.
Dude 1: Urgh, where am I? What time is it?

Dude 2: *Laughs uncontrollably*

Dude 1: (touching head) What? Huh? Why's my head shaved? Where's the mirr... A FUCKING SPECIAL NEEDS HAIRCUT??
by Mr. Cardboard November 6, 2011
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sex dungeon

Any form of dungeon where sexual activities occur.

At one extreme this is a spare room in a house containing some vaguely dungeony artefacts like plastic handcuffs where a consensual couple may role play S&M when they are in the mood for some minor kink.

The other extreme is an actual dungeon in the dark, dank bowels of an actual castle where individuals are held permanently against their will and forced to perform unspeakable acts for the gratification of their captor.
Customer: "Do you sell galvanised steel chain?"

Shop assistant: "Yes sir, aisle 6"

Customer: "Great, and do you have manacles?"

Shop assistant: "Sorry we're fresh out, have you tried 'Sex Dungeons R Us'?"
by Mr. Cardboard November 7, 2011
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snake with tits

Every woman on the face of the earth, plus any that happen to be in space right now.

"Stacey and me were so close when we were at primary, but then she hit puberty and now she's like a snake with tits."
by Mr. Cardboard October 30, 2011
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time machine

A sizeable stash of pornography built up over several decades, enabling you to relive the experiences of people who masturbated in those times.
Will Ferrell: "I still hate you, but you've got a pretty awesome collection of nudie mags."

John C. Reilly: "Yeah, I got them from the '70's, '80's and '90's. It's like masturbating in a time machine."
by Mr. Cardboard November 7, 2011
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McFucktard

1. A low-level employee of McDonalds or any other generic fast-food outlet.

2. An extremely stupid person, more fucktarded than a regular fucktard.

3. A fucktard's offspring, as the prefix 'Mc' means 'son of' in Scottish.
Customer: "Big Mac and fries please."

McFucktard: "Do you want fries with that?"
by Mr. Cardboard November 7, 2011
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goober

Someone who is unable to manage their finances or fertility well enough such that they have to get out of bed or "goob" in order to obtain more money or attend to their offspring, instead of lying in bed all day drinking and masturbating like a true champion.
"I have 3 kids and a large mortgage."

"You goober."
by Mr. Cardboard November 7, 2011
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