Definitions by Monkey's Dad
Glass slippers
In "Cinderella", a ridiculous mis-translation from the French. The original story, handed down orally, centered around "Vair" slippers, vair being squirrel fur. But "vair" sounds like "verre", the French word for glass, and so it continued. Fur slippers make perfect sense. But glass??
Cinderella felt sorry for the handsome prince, kneeling before her. She wondered what kind of idiot expected her to take two steps in glass slippers, when the beloved pair she had lost were made of fur. "I mean, glass shoes? Really?"
Glass slippers by Monkey's Dad March 1, 2020
working like a dog
"Man, I've been working like a dog", he muttered into the phone, his feet up, eyes on the game, the bag of Doritos on his chest almost empty. There must have been a time, long ago, he imagined, when dogs spent their lives herding cattle from sunrise to sunset, but any actual 21st century dog he knew was lazier than The Dude.
working like a dog by Monkey's Dad March 1, 2020
pompossified
Stepping out of her limo with her nose in the air and her mink wrapped tightly around her shoulders, she looked thoroughly pompossified.
pompossified by Monkey's Dad March 1, 2020
ventrolloquist
A person who throws his voice in such a way that, A) it not only seems to come out of someone else's mouth, but, B) gets them to say things online that they don't believe in, C) in order to start Internet arguments and create discord.
Bored with mere chatroom trolling, he upped his game, becoming a master ventrolloquist, taking malicious glee in the conflicts he had instigated, his victims exclaiming, "But... but I never meant to say that!"
ventrolloquist by Monkey's Dad March 1, 2020
mythmatician
A person employed by the current administration to produce impressive figures supporting every false claim, from the crowd size at the inauguration, to the minimally-projected cases of coronavirus,
At yet another ginned-up campaign rally, the incumbent shouted huge numbers, concocted by his mythmatician, as proof that he was universally loved, admired and supported.
mythmatician by Monkey's Dad February 29, 2020
Sortabiography
A book about the author's own life, which very slightly embellishes the truth, as far and as often as possible.
Deciding that her mother was the renegade Ninth Duchess of Waterford, her father a famous and notoriously dissolute rock star, her conception occurring at midnight on the Concord as all around them were asleep, she began her projected ten-volume sortabiography.
Sortabiography by Monkey's Dad February 28, 2020
Bi-pass heart surgery
Arriving home in Wichita from Princeton for the summer, Amber confided to her devoutly Methodist mother that she was equally in love with her 'friends' Jason and Jennifer. Shocked, and too unworldly to know that this was a transitory phase for many of the girls in Amber's class, her mother whispered the threat of bi-pass heart surgery to make her normal again.
Bi-pass heart surgery by Monkey's Dad February 28, 2020