Definitions by Monkey's Dad
Like-ectomy
A surgical procedure to excise the insidiously invasive word "like" from an otherwise articulate person's vocabulary.
If she said, "I'm like", "he was like", or, "like, you know, like, kinda, like, pizza but without, like, any, like, crust" he would take her in for a like-ectomy, whether she... uh... liked it, or, like, you know, like, not.
Like-ectomy by Monkey's Dad May 29, 2023
The original is still the greatest
Proven by the endurance of Coke, Levi's, Converse, the Stratocaster, 1964 Mustang, Eames chair, Barbie doll and the Louisville Slugger, all of which have been imitated but never equaled.
After trying on a dozen recently-designed high-tech sneakers, she decided on a pair of classic Converse High Tops - in continuous production since 1917 - suggesting once again that the original is still the greatest and that her level of taste was in a class of its own.
The original is still the greatest by Monkey's Dad April 30, 2023
What happened to you?
A stunningly inappropriate and thoughtless question often blurted toward a handicapped person, the only proper answer to which is "Don't ask".
"What happened to you?" asked the seemingly civilized man of the woman who was struggling mightily to take each halting step. Yet she needed no reminder of how hard it was to move, or of how many years she had been in pain. She was under no obligation to answer the moronic stranger, who in any event seemed to want no answer and quickly began prattling about his skiing accident, years ago, which he believed would be fascinating to a woman with a permanent handicap, but, please... don't ask.
What happened to you? by Monkey's Dad April 24, 2023
one foot on the boat, one on the dock
The deal was set, he'd committed to buy, still not sure when his financing would be approved, but hey, if you have one foot on the boat, one on the dock, what can go wrong?
one foot on the boat, one on the dock by Monkey's Dad April 24, 2023
I'll be ready in 5 minutes
The validation of Einstein's theory of relativity, in which the concept of five minutes is infinitely elastic, and feminine.
I'll be ready in 5 minutes by Monkey's Dad April 22, 2023
Don't Ask
A thought which often escapes idiots staring at a stranger struggling to walk. "What happened to you?" they say, before launching into the saga of their torn knee ligament, oblivious to the possibility that their prey has been disabled for decades and doesn't wish to answer appallingly inappropriate questions, nor needs your brilliant advice.
Don't Ask by Monkey's Dad April 16, 2023
craptitude
A rarified skillset needed to deal with the mundane, the meaningless, the growing piles of junk and the demands of ordering still more stuff that occupy the day and often pass for a full life.
Sitting on the bed, staring at yet another emerging bedside volcano, she was confident she could summon the craptitude to conquer, organize and move on to higher callings... "just give me five minutes".
craptitude by Monkey's Dad April 15, 2023