Mike and Mike the Accountants 's definitions

new jersey sump pump

See "New Jersey soap pump", except the aforementioned soap pump is reciprocated by the pumpee to the pumper using the the pumper's semen as lubricant for the sump pump.

Mike 1: Dude my hands are so cold, I could really go for a New Jersey sump pump right now, would you mind initiating with a New Jersey soap pump and I'll complete the process?

Mike 2: Sure man!

by Mike and Mike the Accountants February 3, 2017

thinking outside the box

The thoughts a male has during intercourse to delay his impending ejaculation. Examples include sports, work, movies and his grandmother's loose, grungy, mothball ridden cunt.

Mike 2: Dude I came in like .08 seconds last night, my wife was pissed.

Mike 1: Guess you weren't thinking outside the box!

by Mike and Mike the Accountants June 29, 2017

easter egg cunt

When a man attends Easter Sunday mass, (most often against his will by force of family, significant other etc.) he will quickly become incredibly disinterested and will look elsewhere to pass the time. It is at this moment that he realizes all the female parishioners dressing in their " Easter Sunday best" (i.e. dressing as promiscuously as possible despite the irony of attending church). It is important to note that this is one of the first times all year where the temperature permits the wearing of scantily clad clothing. After this phenomenon has been noted by the male, he will then begin to seek out the best looking women among the parish whom are dressed slutty as fuck, and begin to daydream about fucking the shit out of them. It is by this, and only this process, that the man is able to maintain his sanity during the mass. In some cases, the male might even take mental images for his spank bank.

Mike 1: Easter's coming up man, my lady's gonna make me go to church. Shit.

Mike 2: At least you have the easter egg cunt to look forward to!

by Mike and Mike the Accountants April 14, 2017

stealth boner

Similar to a stealth bomber, this is when a male attempts to hide his erection from others. Depending on the intensity of the erection, the size of the male's penis, and the clothes he is wearing, the male may go about a stealth boner in several ways:the most common is to stick his penis upwardly flat against his abdomen using his pants to hold it down. If the erection is only mild in intensity, he may try and hold the erection against his thigh in his pant leg. Attempting to have a stealth boner is exponentially more difficult whilst wearing gym shorts and/or no shirt. Most men grow increasingly adept at using stealth boners since the onset of puberty.

Mike 2: Dude I gotta go talk to one of the director's but that hot audit chick gave me a raging stiffy...what do I do???
Mike 1: Just walk in with a stealth boner dumbass!

by Mike and Mike the Accountants June 9, 2017

stretchsticle

This usually, but not exclusively, is performed on a hot, muggy day. When a male's scrotum coheres to his inner thigh thus causing his testicular area to become clammy, moist, and generally uncomfortable. To relieve this sensation, the man will stretch his legs (whilst standing) outwardly toward either side of his body and switch between leaning to each side of his body while simultaneously bending the respective knee he is leaning toward. If performed properly, a stretchsticle will give the appearance that the man is simply limbering up, or loosening his lower body after vigorous activity and will actually make him seem more athletic, relaxed and generally active. On the contrary, there will invariably be a large portion of the male population that will see through this deceit and realize that their fellow brethren is simply airing out his steamy dank-ass grundle.

Mike 1: Do you think that hot audit chick noticed I was doing a stretchsticle while I was talking to her?

Mike 2: No dude, she prob just though you were stretching your groin cus of hours of sex.

by Mike and Mike the Accountants April 7, 2017

cumdgement call

The "judgement call" a man must make in the moments preceding impending orgasm whilst having unprotected sex, regarding the placement of his ejaculatory load. Despite the agreement, discussion, etc. that he and his partner may have had before and during sex, the man has the ultimate power whether to pull out or not, and where to ejaculate should he indeed pull out. Scrupulous and complex calculations are performed by the man during these nanoseconds. These calculations weigh factors such as chance of child conception, partner reaction and, ultimately, satisfaction.

Mike 1: Dude I had to make a hard cumdgement call whether to pull out or not. By my calculations, the best move was to splooge on her face.
Mike 2: Was she on birth control?
Mike 1: Yea but who cares?

by Mike and Mike the Accountants March 17, 2017

Siberian mudslide

A Siberian mudslide can be performed via multiple sexual positions and among both heterosexual and homosexual partners, however doggystyle is the preferable position for maximum value. It is also recommended that you ingest a large helping of horse laxatives approximately 30-40 minutes before sex. After ejaculating onto your partner's back (preferably as high as possible without entering the neck area), quickly point your anus onto the semen that you've just laid and defecate as much as possible before your partner moves. Your partner will quickly realize what is transpiring, causing him or her to quickly jump up, thus causing the whitish-brown semen feces explosion to slide down his or her back, thus resembling an icy mudslide in Siberia.

Mike 1: Yo you'll never guess what I did to my wife last night!

Mike 2: Dude what???

Mike 1: I took 30 grams of pure bear laxatives, came on her back and gave her a good old Siberian mudslide.

Mike 2: Dude no way, let me get some of those laxatives and I'll try it tonight!

by Mike and Mike the Accountants February 10, 2017