Merchant's definitions

Schwartz

A penis-powered version of the famed nerd's-holy-grail, the light saber. Yes this penis-powered light saber was used in the film Space Balls. (title has nothing to do with penises, or so I think)

"Ah ha! I see your schwartz is as long as mine!"

by Merchant August 31, 2005

UMP

A 9mmparabellum and .45ACP caliber submachinegun manufactured by Heckler & Koch, Germany. Also the sound Ted Kennedy makes if you knee him in the scrotum.

THWACK! "UMP!" Bingo!

by Merchant August 31, 2005

Xbox

The videogame console for morons which is completely inferior to Sony's Playstation 2 and even 1 as well as Dreamcast and gamecube (while i hate nintendo, Resident Evil 4 does kick ur ass).

"Hi I'm Billy Xbox and I'm a moron!" "Hi I'm Playstation Pete and I say fuck you assgoblin!"

by Merchant August 31, 2005

donkey porker

Someone who repeatedly has sexual intercourse with a donkey. Or a synonym for dumbass, moron, retard, asshole, jerk, or bastard.

"What a donkey porker you are, Hanley!"

by Merchant August 31, 2005

Reticulin

Also known as a Grey, these aliens have large upsidedown-seed shaped heads, black slanted seed-shaped eyes, tiny slits for mouths, usually no nose or nostrils, tend to be about three and a half feet tall, communicate through telepathy, and tend to reportedly smell like plain cinnamon and wet cardboard. They are called Reticulins because they supposedly come from the Zeta Reticuli star systems.

The Reticulin seemed to move slowly so the Sarge took his chances and cracked a heavy baseball bat over its head, snapping its neck and crushing its skull.

by Merchant August 31, 2005

Gordon B. Ingram

The world famous inventor of the MAC-10 and MAC-11 submachine gun series.

"Gordon B. Ingram invented the MAC-10 submachine gun as well as the MAC-11, as well as a few other short-lived designs."

by Merchant August 31, 2005

L.A.W

Standing for "Light Anti-Armor Weapon" the L.A.W M72 disposable rocket launcher utilizes a 66mm rocket and has been used with United States military forces since 1961 and modernized versions such as the L.A.W M72A7 are now currently in service.

"John aimed the L.A.W at the UFO and waited for it to ascend to his liking then fired sending the Reticulins inside to a fiery death."

by Merchant August 30, 2005