Noun: London police slang for a crummy dive in which unwitting male tourists are promised a good time with a hot babe. They must order a drink from these unlicenced premises but get charged hundreds of pounds for a soft drink. Victims are often frog-marched to cash machines by heavies. Needless to say, the babe doesn't provide any action, just sits there.
Drink your tea, were going to bust a near beer in Brewer Street.
OK, Shall I grab a Transit van and 2 Serbo-Croat translators?
The Kinks classic 'Lola' is set in a near-beer.
I Met her in a club down in old Soho
Where they drink champagne and it tastes just like cherry-cola...
...Lo-Lo-Lo-Lo-Lola.
OK, Shall I grab a Transit van and 2 Serbo-Croat translators?
The Kinks classic 'Lola' is set in a near-beer.
I Met her in a club down in old Soho
Where they drink champagne and it tastes just like cherry-cola...
...Lo-Lo-Lo-Lo-Lola.
by McCririck's unlucky Laundress September 14, 2005
A true story follows.
White, British people looking at their invitations: "I've been here over an hour. Are you sure we've got the right church?"
Pastor, of Caribbean origin: "What you folks doin' here? Bride ain't even be in her dress yet."
White, British people looking at their invitations: "But it says two o'clock."
Pastor, of Caribbean origin: "Chill it my friends. We run tings on JMT. Soon come, soon come."
White, British people looking at their invitations: "I've been here over an hour. Are you sure we've got the right church?"
Pastor, of Caribbean origin: "What you folks doin' here? Bride ain't even be in her dress yet."
White, British people looking at their invitations: "But it says two o'clock."
Pastor, of Caribbean origin: "Chill it my friends. We run tings on JMT. Soon come, soon come."
by McCririck's unlucky Laundress September 19, 2005
Noun, plural: Women who are only ever seen in their chelsea tractors.
Works best when pronounced in the 'Jonathon Woss' estuarine english style so it sounds like an Essex person trying to say 'four-wheel-drives'.
Works best when pronounced in the 'Jonathon Woss' estuarine english style so it sounds like an Essex person trying to say 'four-wheel-drives'.
by McCririck's unlucky Laundress September 11, 2005
Noun, singular or collective: A chain (or single branch of a chain) of large DIY warehouse shops occupying ugly, aircraft-hangar-like buildings - sheds. Wickes, Homebase, B&Q are sheds.
That little ironmongers on the corner didn't have one.
You'll have to go to one of the sheds then.
Yeah, but they'll only sell me a packet of 20 and charge me an arm and a leg.
You'll have to go to one of the sheds then.
Yeah, but they'll only sell me a packet of 20 and charge me an arm and a leg.
by McCririck's unlucky Laundress September 13, 2005
All my material fell flatter than a witches tit last night - there was a big crowd of sausage munchers in - and now they've taken all the sun loungers.
by McCririck's unlucky Laundress September 11, 2005
Noun, adjective. Any item of reproduction furniture or tourist souvenir which is made in the STYLE of the designer Charles Rennie MacKintosh but is just a cheap rip-off of the great man's work. Edinburgh gift shops are full of this rubbish, always cheaply made and ill-proportioned.
Helpfully contains the words 'mock' (mimic) and 'tosh' (nonsense).
Helpfully contains the words 'mock' (mimic) and 'tosh' (nonsense).
'I love those dining chairs with the grid of squares in the very high back.'
'Don't go there, dear. They're mockintosh. Made in Luton from stacking palettes.'
'Don't go there, dear. They're mockintosh. Made in Luton from stacking palettes.'
by McCririck's unlucky Laundress September 12, 2005
Noun: Term of abuse for someone who feigns being Irish when convenient. E.g. An entirely British person who in 1994, on realising that England had not made it to the soccer World Cup, had no one to cheer for and found green blood in their veins for as long as Republic of Ireland were still in with a chance.
What happened to your England shirt, you plastic paddy?
No, I'm Irish. Honest.
On which side?
Err... both. My Mum's cousin's got an Irish setter and my Dad was conceived in the County Kilburn. Guinness spritzer with a dash of Baileys please barman, cheers. Bejazus!
No, I'm Irish. Honest.
On which side?
Err... both. My Mum's cousin's got an Irish setter and my Dad was conceived in the County Kilburn. Guinness spritzer with a dash of Baileys please barman, cheers. Bejazus!
by McCririck's unlucky Laundress September 12, 2005