Lord Grimcock's definitions

Dodd job

The agonisingly painful experience that is fellatio from a person with big teeth - be it Janet Street Porter, Lara Lewington, Esther Rantzen or indeed the eponymous Ken Dodd.

'Fancy another Dodd job, Normski?'

'No thank you Janet. By the way, have you seen the iodine?'

(credit: Profanisaurus)

by Lord Grimcock May 25, 2008

mingepiece

A lady's fuppie, snatch, or quim.

I can see your mingepiece through them drawers, snookums.

by Lord Grimcock May 7, 2008

norkolepsy

The state of trance a man enters when confronted with a pair of tits.

Sorry about that. I went into norkolepsy when Clavdia come in in that off-the-shoulder ballgown. Just run to the lav for a quick number three. Did I miss anything?

by Lord Grimcock May 15, 2009

puddle-jumper

British. A male homosexual; a noofter, a ponce, a heemasex, a friend of Dorothy. Also puddle-skipper.

The instant I heard he had been to a Westlife concert of his own free will I knew he was a raging puddle-jumper.

by Lord Grimcock September 13, 2007

spazware

Incompetently produced software, or cheap software that is an inferior knockoff of a more successful line, for example Serif PagePlus. Not as bad as cuntware, but a waste of space nonetheless.

I waited months for Master of Orion 3 and all I got was this piece of fucking spazware.

by Lord Grimcock December 29, 2007

bookie's biro

British. The state of the old man after multiple bouts of spirited fellatio - that is, chewed to fuck. Can lead to gangrene.

I came back from my weekend at Julie's with a cock like a bookie's biro.

by Lord Grimcock September 13, 2007

hog's eye

The interface between the urethra and the outside world.

We got him to confess to Jill Dando's murder by forcing hot things up his hog's eye.

by Lord Grimcock November 24, 2007