At some point about three years ago, it became fashionable for women to deface themselves with tattoos, usually above the waist or on the ankle or upper arm. I first became aware of this trend when some scratter shoved by me sporting a butterfly on the grotesque roll of mechanically tanned lard that hung around her belt. Had I known what was to come, I would have killed her then and there to stop the plague-like spread.

Originally confined to the lower orders, this has now 'trickled up' to the extent everyone from ballerinas to dinnerladies feels called on to complete herself by having some indecipherable Chinese bollocks or some flowers carved above her chuff.

At its most harmless, this is something discreet like a Celtic cross; at its worst, the 'tat' extends all across the lower back, leaving the gentleman with the impression he is fucking the Berlin Wall.

I suppose this was meant to look hawt and slightly dangerous, but all it does is mark the bearer down as a monumentally uninspired skank who'd probably wear a lip-plate if Nicole Richie got one.

See also: tramp stamp (US), sign of ten thousand penises, whoremark, etc.

When you eat dirt for the first time and leave your family to build a shack in the woods