Definitions by Lârry Dângüs, esq.
cracktivities
Activities which are routinely associated with the sale and use of crack cocaine. Cracktivities are normally characterized by the desperate style with which they are executed. Cracktivities often include (but are not limited to) such things as:
1. the sucking/jerking on/off of trouser trout for a relatively small amount of money.
2. the typical smash and grab.
3. being secretly filmed by the police while you pace around in a hotel room, smoking rocks with a hooker, à la Marion Barry.
4. anything Amy Winehouse participates in while she is not in rehab.
5. anything the ODB participated in prior to his death (which was, of course, due to cracktivities).
6. most undertakings which occur within the confines or close proximity of a sketch pad.
1. the sucking/jerking on/off of trouser trout for a relatively small amount of money.
2. the typical smash and grab.
3. being secretly filmed by the police while you pace around in a hotel room, smoking rocks with a hooker, à la Marion Barry.
4. anything Amy Winehouse participates in while she is not in rehab.
5. anything the ODB participated in prior to his death (which was, of course, due to cracktivities).
6. most undertakings which occur within the confines or close proximity of a sketch pad.
When passing through the city of Memphis, it is highly advisable to keep one's car windows rolled up and avoid stopping if at all possible. This will minimize the likelihood of your becoming entangled with the inevitably omnipresent cracktivities.
cracktivities by Lârry Dângüs, esq. November 4, 2008
ghetto wind chime
Any car with an alarm which is consistently activated by the slightest movement or vibration. Every low-income neighborhood has at least a few ghetto wind chimes present at all times. Frequently parked near sketch pads.
There are way too many ghetto wind chimes around here...they start sounding off every time a bird takes a shit on someone's windshield.
ghetto wind chime by Lârry Dângüs, esq. October 28, 2008
The Oracle
A synonym for the interwebs, especially when used to seek very specific information for the purpose of settling an argument, wager, or simply to satisfy the randomly curious mind.
The Oracle is rarely consulted within the confines of a sketch pad, such as a crack house.
The Oracle is rarely consulted within the confines of a sketch pad, such as a crack house.
person a: 'When did George W. Bush get busted for cocaine possession?'
person b: 'I don't know - let's ask The Oracle!'
person b: 'I don't know - let's ask The Oracle!'
The Oracle by Lârry Dângüs, esq. October 25, 2008
crimson twat stamp
The mark and/or odor that is left on an object after a nude menstruating woman has seated herself upon it.
Regular twat stamps are inherently all but invisible, but they may be easily detected by a person or animal with a keen sense of smell.
By contrast, crimson twat stamps are more distinctive, by both sight and odor.
see also: murder scene
Regular twat stamps are inherently all but invisible, but they may be easily detected by a person or animal with a keen sense of smell.
By contrast, crimson twat stamps are more distinctive, by both sight and odor.
see also: murder scene
Donnie's mattress looks like the aftermath of a Sex Pistols concert due to the excessive number of crimson twat stamps on it. One thing's for sure, he is not afraid of Aunt Flo.
crimson twat stamp by Lârry Dângüs, esq. October 24, 2008
broke the seal
having gone beyond the first piss while consuming alcohol or some other beverage which has a diuretic effect. Once the seal has been broken, frequent visits to the bathroom will usually be forthcoming.
Wino #1:
"hey, what happened to you at Dangus' party the other night? I thought you were gonna stay and chill with us!"
Wino #2:
"Yeah that WAS the plan, but some asshat got me locked into a full-on hostage crisis and I started swigging on some drank. After a while I had to take a leak, but you know how that shit just keeps coming once you start, so I resisted. Well once the purple stuff was cashed, I did a few kegstands and rolled up into the john to take a monster whiz, but someone was passed out on the throne so I broke the seal in the bathtub.
After that, I had to see what kind of fucktardation was going down at my homeboy's sketch pad. As I might have guessed, they were licking psychedelic toads, dealing laser-guided tridents and pimping gay male midget prostitutes...awesome! But yeah, I must have pissed like 90 more times...because I broke the seal. Is that explanatory and redundant enough for you?!? Jesus, I need a drank!
"hey, what happened to you at Dangus' party the other night? I thought you were gonna stay and chill with us!"
Wino #2:
"Yeah that WAS the plan, but some asshat got me locked into a full-on hostage crisis and I started swigging on some drank. After a while I had to take a leak, but you know how that shit just keeps coming once you start, so I resisted. Well once the purple stuff was cashed, I did a few kegstands and rolled up into the john to take a monster whiz, but someone was passed out on the throne so I broke the seal in the bathtub.
After that, I had to see what kind of fucktardation was going down at my homeboy's sketch pad. As I might have guessed, they were licking psychedelic toads, dealing laser-guided tridents and pimping gay male midget prostitutes...awesome! But yeah, I must have pissed like 90 more times...because I broke the seal. Is that explanatory and redundant enough for you?!? Jesus, I need a drank!
broke the seal by Lârry Dângüs, esq. June 12, 2008
monkey vining
v. - monkey vining is the act of transitioning from one relationship to another by retaining some form of connection to both people simultaneously. Only when the new relationship is reasonably solidified is the former one wholly released.
To grasp the metaphor of the monkey vine in its entirety, one may simply visualize the mode of transport utilized by Tarzan and his jungle primate colleagues in old movies. The vine that is being swung on is firmly held until another vine is being grasped, or at least is easily reachable.
To grasp the metaphor of the monkey vine in its entirety, one may simply visualize the mode of transport utilized by Tarzan and his jungle primate colleagues in old movies. The vine that is being swung on is firmly held until another vine is being grasped, or at least is easily reachable.
person one:
Hey man, do you think Brad Pitt was monkey vining from Jennifer Aniston to Angelina Jolie?
person two:
Actually dude, I don't give a shit about what's happening in the love lives of these celebrities. 9/11 was an inside job, and fluoride is making Americans stupid. Maybe you should monkey vine your ass from US Weekly to some web sites that will enlighten your ass on things that are truly relevant to our lives!
Hey man, do you think Brad Pitt was monkey vining from Jennifer Aniston to Angelina Jolie?
person two:
Actually dude, I don't give a shit about what's happening in the love lives of these celebrities. 9/11 was an inside job, and fluoride is making Americans stupid. Maybe you should monkey vine your ass from US Weekly to some web sites that will enlighten your ass on things that are truly relevant to our lives!
monkey vining by Lârry Dângüs, esq. June 11, 2008