Definitions by JohnnyApocalypse
Turd Law of Relativity
The apparent difference in the rate of time perceived by someone taking a dump compared to the rest of the world. (For every minute you think you've been sitting on the toilet, 80-100 seconds have actually gone by.) The Turd Law rarely holds up to empirical measurement, and is therefore considered by the scientific community to be a big load of crap.
Boss: "If you weren't in there droppin' a deuce for so long you might be done your work by now."
Me: "I was in there for five minutes. Six tops."
Boss: "More like 15 or 20…"
Me: "Well I'll be damned. I just proved the Turd Law of Relativity."
Me: "I was in there for five minutes. Six tops."
Boss: "More like 15 or 20…"
Me: "Well I'll be damned. I just proved the Turd Law of Relativity."
Turd Law of Relativity by JohnnyApocalypse October 23, 2013
Sneaky Butthole
Someone whose questionable actions cause you to learn an important lesson and then they pretend it was their plan to enlighten you all along.
(South Park) While Stan's ploy to distract others from his own dishonesty inadvertently led to people taking up a positive cause, his "that was really my plan all along" attitude cemented his reputation as a Sneaky Butthole.
(Arrested Development) George Senior's use of Sneaky Butthole tactics to teach his children life lessons may have traumatized them, but they sure didn't forget to leave a note on the fridge again. Ever.
(Arrested Development) George Senior's use of Sneaky Butthole tactics to teach his children life lessons may have traumatized them, but they sure didn't forget to leave a note on the fridge again. Ever.
Sneaky Butthole by JohnnyApocalypse August 27, 2013
waitress crush
on It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Charlie has a waitress crush on the Waitress.
I had a total waitress crush on this girl from high school, until she slept with my best friend.
I had a total waitress crush on this girl from high school, until she slept with my best friend.
waitress crush by JohnnyApocalypse September 5, 2012
hangoverrific
terrifically hung over.
My friends are total lightweights, so naturally they were absolutely hangoverrific after a night on the town.
hangoverrific by JohnnyApocalypse September 2, 2012
gloomerize
to glamorize gloom
My sister went through a goth phase as a teenager; she would often gloomerize with dark clothing and makeup.
Lars von Trier's film "Melancholia" is the epitome of apocalyptic gloomerization.
Lars von Trier's film "Melancholia" is the epitome of apocalyptic gloomerization.
gloomerize by JohnnyApocalypse August 7, 2012
johntroversial
causing johntroversy
The Daily Show with John Stewart tackles controversial issues most "real" news networks would rather just pretend away.
"Um, don't you mean JOHNtroversial issues?"
"Um, don't you mean JOHNtroversial issues?"
johntroversial by JohnnyApocalypse May 9, 2012
Esplog
Yo Holmes, I found a clue in an old Esplog entry. Excellent, Watson! Now translate it into something we can understand!
Esplog by JohnnyApocalypse December 2, 2011