John Planet's definitions

shit-or-miss

The inconsistent, unpredictable quality of the shitting experience at roadside gas stations and highway rest stops.

Every person will encounter a broad spectrum in their lifetime, from the sparkling clean place that smells good, to the dark, musty smelling place with a pair of shitty underwear on the floor, a few gay sex propositions scribbled on the wall and a paper towel dispenser that hasn't been refilled since the Reagan administration.

The outdoor appearance of the building doesn't always reflect what the restroom will look like. Even if a bathroom has a good reputation, that can all change with one truck driver in a matter of seconds. It's 100% unpredictable, it's shit-or-miss.

Rod: "Okay, take this next exit, I am about to shit my pants."
Richard: "Okay Rod sure thing."
Rod: "Hurry up Richard, my stomach is really bubblin'."
Richard: "Okay Rod, what'll it be, the Shell station, or the Texaco?"
Rod: "Which one looks the cleanest?"
Richard: "The Shell station does, but you never know Rod, situations like this are shit-or-miss."
Rod: "Just hurry up asshole."

by John Planet July 21, 2009

hard jeans

When you see a beautiful woman and your dick gets hard, your jeans or pants also get hard around the groin area. It's another way of saying you just experienced a boner. A hard feeling in the jeans is a sure sign that you just saw something that you liked. This is caused by peeping on some big tits or catching a glimpse of a great ass. If the jeans are too tight, the boner may cause significant pain. The most comfortable way to wear a boner is either completely nude, totally naked, or with just a pair of lightweight baggy shorts on.

Steve: "Oh fuck, look at that fucking big-tittied blonde!"
Gary: "Shit man, she is one fine broad."
Steve: "Oh fuck, I just got hard jeans. I am envisioning slamming her right now."
Gary: "Her buttcheeks would be red when I was done with her."
Steve: "You want to meet up again tomorrow night and talk about fucking chicks?"
Gary: "Yes"

Hard Jeans can also be hard pants, hard shorts, etc.

by John Planet December 30, 2009

waistline wonders

Gigantic tits that hang down near the waistline of a woman. Also known as "longies," or "saggies," these jugs are most commonly found on older women. Waistline wonders are known to cause backpain for the woman and neck pain for guys that jerk their heads to gawk at them while saying something to themselves like "jesus, those tits are fucking huge." Dog "The Bounty Hunter" Chapman's wife has a big American set of waistline wonders.

Waitress: "Hey guys, what can I get you."
Tony:"A pitcher of cold beer and a large pizza."
Waitress: "Okay, I'll be right back." (walking away)
Donnie: (to Tony) "Hot damn brother, did you see them titties."
Tony: "I always notice big titties my friend."
Donnie: "Them were some waistline wonders."
Tony: "haha, fuckin A yes they were, let's get drunk."

by John Planet June 1, 2009

Keith Urban Sprawl

When a bunch of fun boys start moving out of big cities and into the suburbs. A large amount of them have the look of Keith Urban. They have some kind of fancy haircut and they're always overdressed. They like riding bikes, gardening and riding each other. If they aren't gay, they're into tall pasty white Irish women with red hair and no tits.

Rick: "I saw two men buttfucking near the community church the other day. I ain't ever seen anything like that in this small town."
Stevie: "I know man, it's that God damn Keith Urban Sprawl."

by John Planet August 21, 2007

bushpussy

A bushpussy is a vagina with a ton of hair on, in, or around it. Panties or underwear can't contain the bushpussy. It overflows the boundaries of human undergarments and it is very, very disgusting. The bushpussy ranges in size from a small round puff to the size of a large dinner plate or a Pizza Hut medium meat lover's pizza. The bushpussy made it's debut somewhere around the beginning of time and resurfaced in Philadelphia in 1989. It is now very popular with the elderly community and also with a handful of young women that have no fucking idea that a giant bush is not a good thing. It takes 6 hours to trim the average 80 year old woman's bushpussy and that is if you use a weed whacker. The bushpussy is not only unattractive to the eyes, it usually smells like a dead fish with a pile of shit on it.

Rod: "Dude have you gotten on Vanessa yet?"
Paul: "Naw, dude, I was getting ready to blast that ass, but when I took her panties off and saw her bushpussy I puked on my cock and then passed out."

by John Planet September 7, 2007

fribble

A fribble is a dickfart. It occurs when bodily gas is expelled through a cock. It makes a noise much like the anus fart. Richard Nixon once fribbled while buttfucking his college roommate.

peasant woman: "Mother Theresa, may I have a piece of bread?"
Mother Theresa: "Yes woman, you may."

(Fart noise)

Mother Theresa: "Okay, who just fribbled? Which one of you goobers just fribbled? No more food until somebody owns up to this bullshit."

by John Planet September 30, 2007

stallpisser

A man that has really small genitals and always seeks out a stall to piss in in a public restroom, rather than run the risk of going to the urinal and having someone see his small penis, thus ruining his reputation and life. A stallpisser's greatest fear is the trough-like urinal where like 10 dudes line-up and take a piss in plain view of the other dudes. If a bar's restroom is set-up especially bad, the stallpisser may even resort to leaving the premises and pissing in a back alley or another store. Alexander the Great, Grover Cleveland, Danny Glover and Gandhi are four of the most famous stallpissers in world history. The stallpisser's biggest enemy is the close-pisser; a guy who pulls up to piss right next to you when there are 4 or 5 other urinals open.

Rick: "I gotta piss fucking bad man."
Roger: "There's the bathroom, go piss."
Rick: "There's a guy snorting coke in the stall and I can't fucking piss at the urinal man."
Roger: "What the fuck are you talking about?"
Rick: "I'm a stallpisser. I only piss in the stall."

by John Planet December 20, 2007