Definitions by John Planet

hard jeans 

When you see a beautiful woman and your dick gets hard, your jeans or pants also get hard around the groin area. It's another way of saying you just experienced a boner. A hard feeling in the jeans is a sure sign that you just saw something that you liked. This is caused by peeping on some big tits or catching a glimpse of a great ass. If the jeans are too tight, the boner may cause significant pain. The most comfortable way to wear a boner is either completely nude, totally naked, or with just a pair of lightweight baggy shorts on.

Steve: "Oh fuck, look at that fucking big-tittied blonde!"
Gary: "Shit man, she is one fine broad."
Steve: "Oh fuck, I just got hard jeans. I am envisioning slamming her right now."
Gary: "Her buttcheeks would be red when I was done with her."
Steve: "You want to meet up again tomorrow night and talk about fucking chicks?"
Gary: "Yes"

Hard Jeans can also be hard pants, hard shorts, etc.

hard jeans by John Planet December 30, 2009

shit-or-miss

The inconsistent, unpredictable quality of the shitting experience at roadside gas stations and highway rest stops.

Every person will encounter a broad spectrum in their lifetime, from the sparkling clean place that smells good, to the dark, musty smelling place with a pair of shitty underwear on the floor, a few gay sex propositions scribbled on the wall and a paper towel dispenser that hasn't been refilled since the Reagan administration.

The outdoor appearance of the building doesn't always reflect what the restroom will look like. Even if a bathroom has a good reputation, that can all change with one truck driver in a matter of seconds. It's 100% unpredictable, it's shit-or-miss.

Rod: "Okay, take this next exit, I am about to shit my pants."
Richard: "Okay Rod sure thing."
Rod: "Hurry up Richard, my stomach is really bubblin'."
Richard: "Okay Rod, what'll it be, the Shell station, or the Texaco?"
Rod: "Which one looks the cleanest?"
Richard: "The Shell station does, but you never know Rod, situations like this are shit-or-miss."
Rod: "Just hurry up asshole."

shit-or-miss by John Planet July 21, 2009

waistline wonders 

Gigantic tits that hang down near the waistline of a woman. Also known as "longies," or "saggies," these jugs are most commonly found on older women. Waistline wonders are known to cause backpain for the woman and neck pain for guys that jerk their heads to gawk at them while saying something to themselves like "jesus, those tits are fucking huge." Dog "The Bounty Hunter" Chapman's wife has a big American set of waistline wonders.

Waitress: "Hey guys, what can I get you."
Tony:"A pitcher of cold beer and a large pizza."
Waitress: "Okay, I'll be right back." (walking away)
Donnie: (to Tony) "Hot damn brother, did you see them titties."
Tony: "I always notice big titties my friend."
Donnie: "Them were some waistline wonders."
Tony: "haha, fuckin A yes they were, let's get drunk."

waistline wonders by John Planet June 1, 2009

fat top 

A hairstyle, much like the flat top, made popular by ND head coach Charlie Weis. The fat top is a flat top worn by a really disgusting, fat, sweaty, mess of a guy. There is nothing worse than a fat guy with a flat top. Bryant Reeves, a shitty basketball player in the late 90's, known as "the big country," had the greatest fat top in NBA history, narrowly defeating Greg "the fag" Ostertag in his Utah Jazz heyday. Walter Sobchak, John Goodman's character in the movie "The Big Lebowski," was recently awarded the greatest fat top in cinema history by the American Film Institute. 72% of men with fat-tops cannot see their dick without using multiple well-placed mirrors.

ND cafeteria worker: "Hey coach, how are you?"
Coach Weis: "I'm great, I'll have my usual."
ND cafeteria worker: "the punch bowl of beef gravy with 2 pounds of bacon and a bag of cheese on top?"
Coach Weis: "yeah, and a diet coke."
ND cafeteria worker: "Good luck this weekend coach, oh, and nice fat top."
Coach Weis: (muffled, pouring bowl into face while still in line) "thank you"

fat top by John Planet December 9, 2008

pimpsqueak 

A very short, often ugly man, that for some reason can pull some serious ass. It could be because the guy has legitimate game or he has a big sausage or a combination of both. Every college campus has at least one pimpsqueak. Usher, Jeremy Piven, Prince, Joe Rogan and Jermaine Dupri are all perfect examples of pimpsqueaks.

Ron: "Is that Mandy Harris kissing on that little ugly dude over there?"
Chuck: "How in the fuck? I'd kill to bounce that ass."
Ron: "Why in the fuck would that guy get her?"
Chuck: "What can you say, the guy must be a pimpsqueak."

pimpsqueak by John Planet October 16, 2008

suckdicker 

The same thing as a dicksucker. Somebody who sucks on a dick. This word originated in 2001 on the campus of The University of Dayton in Ohio. An international student went off upon seeing that his chicken pot pie had been eaten, and he attacked the guilty party with a barrage of curse words. He managed to say just about every insult in the English language, and he even invented a new one: suckdicker. This word is much funnier if you can get an international student to say it in a fit of rage.

Mickey: "Who eat pot pie was mine!"
Scotty: "I ate it man I was hungry."
Mickey: "Scott, you faggot, mother of a fucker, bitch, asshole, shit, pussy, damnit Scott."
Scotty: "Fuck off loser."
Mickey: "You are a fuck, faggot fucker, son of bitch, suckdicker!"
Scotty:(walking out the door) "blow me asshole."

suckdicker by John Planet October 14, 2008

Dumphump 

A dumphump occurs when you bang a chick while you're taking a dump. Shitting, wiping your ass, and then banging while sitting on the toilet is not considered a dumphump. You have to be in the process of shitting while banging for it to be considered a true dumphump. If you can time it out so that you blow a load as a huge turd is coming out, that feels great. A dumphump does not have to be performed on/over the toilet. You could fuck your girlfriend from behind and shit on your bedroom floor while doing it, and that would be considered a dumphump also. Basically, if you're shitting anywhere, while banging a chick, that is a dumphump. It's a little known fact that 32% of women have more intense orgasms when they are breathing in the smell of shit. If you haven't tried the dumphump yet, try it soon.

Todd: "Did you nail Rebecca yet you dirtbag?"
Ron: "I did more than bang her little guy, I dumphumped her at that frat party."

Dumphump by John Planet October 8, 2008