Jaq Lemur's definitions

Coal Burning Faith

(n) term used to describe the antiquated and outdated belief system of any faith that has failed to account for societal change and human evolution.

Hank: So where does "writing malware" fall under the Ten Commandments?
Jebidiah: Well, um, err...
Hank: Yeah, I don't think your coal burning faith has an understanding of how society works these days. Perhaps you can pray to McAfee or Norton to save you from virtual damnation...

by Jaq Lemur February 3, 2010

SNOWARRHEA

(n.) The result when mother nature drops a crapload of snow in a short time just under the freezing point so everything is semi-slush within the first few hours. (snow+diarrhea=snowarrhea)

No sir, this was no snowpocalypse or snowmageddon, it was worse...there's so much wet snow its like a snowarrhea!

by Jaq Lemur February 9, 2010

omnitard

While not being out and out retarded, the omnitard has a way of making everything (s)he does seem retarded.

Man, Joe is such an omnitard. Every time he comes over, he licks the walls, but only the red ones.

by Jaq Lemur January 20, 2009

Evolution Juice

(n) also known as sperm, but usually that spent as a result of masturbation.

He plays with himself until his evolution juice is all over his jeans.

by Jaq Lemur February 28, 2009

Zyrp

exclamation of surprise or despair.

"Zyrp! You scared the hell outta me by jumping out of my sock drawer!"

OR

"When this bomb goes off, we're all dead."
"Zyrp!"

by Jaq Lemur December 9, 2008

Snake Oil Jesus

noun: The person usually relied upon to achieve what amounts to a miracle when given impossible circumstances. This person is often found in a workplace, is underpaid and overworked, and usually ends up going postal. Also referred to as a 'discount miracle worker'.

Boss: "Jimmy, I need you to compile the last 3 years of P&L statements for the board meeting in 30 minutes."
Jimmy: "Right! What do I look like, some Snake Oil Jesus?"
Boss: "I knew I could count on you to come through. See you in 30!"
Jimmy: *sigh*

by Jaq Lemur December 9, 2008

fakequaintance

(n) A person in your life who claim to be friends, but they only contact you when they need a favor, at which point they leverage the "friendship".

John: So, Dave called me the other day. Said he needed my help moving...again.
Amy: Yeah? Are you going to?
John: Naw, he never does anything for me, he's such a fakequaintance.

by Jaq Lemur February 10, 2013