Definitions by Jaq Lemur

Tworking

When you are paid to, or seem to be paid to, do nothing but make tweets (or other social media posts) rather than doing actual work.

"We might get those financial reports done if Mary would stop tworking like Trump at her desk all day and do her actual job."

Tworking by Jaq Lemur June 2, 2018

fakequaintance 

(n) A person in your life who claim to be friends, but they only contact you when they need a favor, at which point they leverage the "friendship".

John: So, Dave called me the other day. Said he needed my help moving...again.
Amy: Yeah? Are you going to?
John: Naw, he never does anything for me, he's such a fakequaintance.

fakequaintance by Jaq Lemur February 10, 2013

SNOWARRHEA 

(n.) The result when mother nature drops a crapload of snow in a short time just under the freezing point so everything is semi-slush within the first few hours. (snow+diarrhea=snowarrhea)

No sir, this was no snowpocalypse or snowmageddon, it was worse...there's so much wet snow its like a snowarrhea!

SNOWARRHEA by Jaq Lemur February 9, 2010

Coal Burning Faith 

(n) term used to describe the antiquated and outdated belief system of any faith that has failed to account for societal change and human evolution.

Hank: So where does "writing malware" fall under the Ten Commandments?
Jebidiah: Well, um, err...
Hank: Yeah, I don't think your coal burning faith has an understanding of how society works these days. Perhaps you can pray to McAfee or Norton to save you from virtual damnation...

Coal Burning Faith by Jaq Lemur February 3, 2010

Evolution Juice 

(n) also known as sperm, but usually that spent as a result of masturbation.

He plays with himself until his evolution juice is all over his jeans.

Evolution Juice by Jaq Lemur February 28, 2009

omnitard 

While not being out and out retarded, the omnitard has a way of making everything (s)he does seem retarded.

Man, Joe is such an omnitard. Every time he comes over, he licks the walls, but only the red ones.

omnitard by Jaq Lemur January 20, 2009

Zyrp 

exclamation of surprise or despair.

"Zyrp! You scared the hell outta me by jumping out of my sock drawer!"

OR

"When this bomb goes off, we're all dead."
"Zyrp!"

Zyrp by Jaq Lemur December 9, 2008