Jake 's definitions
One who enjoys tatooing dirty homosexual phrases upon the genetalia of their fruity companions. Not be be confused with a mere toatooist tatooing a penis, the cock author does it solely for pleasure and not for profit.
Hans: Were you invited to Bjorn's tatoo party?
Wilhelm: I wouldn't go over there if I were you. He's not a tatooist. He's a freakin cock author.
Hans: Oh shit...
Wilhelm: I wouldn't go over there if I were you. He's not a tatooist. He's a freakin cock author.
Hans: Oh shit...
by JakE May 21, 2007
Get the cock authormug. 
Get the sumomug. Takes place at HER place, never yours.
Get the female to strip naked without you so much as touching or kissing her.
She gets on her hands and knees, lowers her head to the ground (or bed).
Mount the female from behind. Oh, with your clothes on.
Condom is optional, if she makes you wear one, just before you come you pull out and slip it off (lube helps), then re-enter her for a few more strokes.
Pull out, quietly gob (spit) on her ass so she thinks you came.
Then she starts to turn around, jack off in her face, see pearl necklace
Put it away, zip up, and leave without looking at her or saying anything.
(If you did use a condom to the end, pull it off so it drips on her ass, and discard it on her carpet.)
Get the female to strip naked without you so much as touching or kissing her.
She gets on her hands and knees, lowers her head to the ground (or bed).
Mount the female from behind. Oh, with your clothes on.
Condom is optional, if she makes you wear one, just before you come you pull out and slip it off (lube helps), then re-enter her for a few more strokes.
Pull out, quietly gob (spit) on her ass so she thinks you came.
Then she starts to turn around, jack off in her face, see pearl necklace
Put it away, zip up, and leave without looking at her or saying anything.
(If you did use a condom to the end, pull it off so it drips on her ass, and discard it on her carpet.)
I was the one whose turn it was to fall on the grenade so I went home with the sealfuck, did her donkey kick style, and left right after. I could hear her crying as the door closed behind me.
by Jake March 2, 2004
Get the donkey kickmug. by Jake October 27, 2003
Get the ass loadmug. I told her I was tired of cunnilingus because she had so much twat hair that got in the way, so next time she showed up with a shaved beaver.
by Jake February 3, 2004
Get the shaved beavermug. Sparks plus. 7.0% ALC/VOL instead of 6.0% or 6.6%. Obvious because of their black tops instead of the normal orange.
The greatest drink ever, crack in can.
The greatest drink ever, crack in can.
Damn they only have that nasty Tilt crap here, let's drive down the road to 7-11 and see if they have any blacktops.
by Jake June 18, 2006
Get the blacktopsmug. avril lavigne is a fukin nekromonger
by jake August 19, 2004
Get the nekromongermug.