JaVonni Brustow's definitions

Distance learning

Distance learning is when a couple is separated and the woman takes the house and the man has an apartment while she is trying to teach him how to act.

"Honey, when will I be able to move back in?"

"This semester's distance learning course will be over in 4 months. Love ya, babe."

by JaVonni Brustow May 31, 2021

Elbow bumps

a kama sutra position where both elbows come together causing an elbow bump

"Yo, didn't you go out with Kelly last night?"

"Sure did. And when it was all over, I was giving her elbow bumps across the dresser."

by JaVonni Brustow May 31, 2021

I hope this email finds you well

An example of the perils of virtual working during COVID. When you're on your death bed and your employer emails you to see if you've met your deadline yet

"I hope this email finds you well. I know you're busy dying and all, but did you have a chance to finish that presentation?"

by JaVonni Brustow May 31, 2021

Mask Up

The last thing on your checklist before committing crime.

"Hey guys, we're going to rob this bank. Everybody mask up. Don't be like the idiots that got caught rioting on Jan 6th at the US Capitol that didn't wear masks."

by JaVonni Brustow May 31, 2021

Social distancing

When you're in a bar and the guy that's had 7 drinks too many comes in your direction and you step back to give him 6 feet.

Guy: *stammers* "Can I number get your.."

Woman: "Social distancing! Give me 6 feet."

by JaVonni Brustow May 30, 2021

You're Muted Again

When your wife starts to treat you like a Zoom panel and tells you mid-argument when she's sick of listening to you, "You're muted again," and simply walks away.

"Darling, have you seen your AMEX bill lately?"

"Sweetie, you're muted again."

by JaVonni Brustow May 30, 2021

Unprecedented Times

A dispensation of time where you are expected to be ripping your hair out, growing a beard, supermanning women, leaving your new wife to sneak off with Larsa Pippen, get as many women pregnant as possible all at once like Nick Cannon, and of course use lots and lots of hand sanitizer, also known as 2020.

These are some unprecedented times. It turns out we survived the pandemic and now I'm 30lbs bigger with 3 kids on the way and I have to explain to my wife where I've been.

by JaVonni Brustow May 30, 2021