Intelligence001's definitions

Jumper cables

A set of clamps connected by insulated wires used to transfer electricity between vehicles. Also useful as a child disciplinary tool.

So, I was making myself a smoothie when I spilled it on the floor. My dad flipped and beat the shit out of me with a set of jumper cables.

by Intelligence001 May 23, 2020

eels

A class of fish with long, slender bodies and varying aggression. Often found in oceans, or infesting a hovercraft.

My hovercraft is full of eels.

by Intelligence001 May 19, 2020

hovercraft

A large vehicle designed to "float" over water or land through means of pushing large amounts of air underneath it. Often infested with eels.

My hovercraft is full of eels.

by Intelligence001 May 17, 2020

small man, big ego

A person (gender doesn't matter) who constantly acts like they own the entire country and that they're famous/beloved by all, when in truth they're morons/assholes that nobody likes.

I hear you're new to the neighborhood. First of all, please ignore Joe. He's one of those "small man, big ego" types who thinks he owns the street. I should know, I'm his landlord.

by Intelligence001 May 14, 2020

loud equals funny

A universal untruth held only as a truthful doctrine by immature prats with no concept of proper humor.

Okay, next person to say that "loud equals funny" is getting locked in a room full of subwoofers with russian hard-bass playing on loop for 4 hours. We'll see who's laughing then.

by Intelligence001 May 14, 2020

The customer is always right

A maxim in the retail industry wherein a customer is first priority. The sentence is a logical fallacy because it never assumes that a customer can lie, (They do. A lot.) have unrealistic expectations, (They do. A lot.) make ridiculous demands, (They do. A lot.) or even flat-out abuse the staff member in question just because. (They... Well, you get the idea.) As a result, this mindset has led to many, many, MANY instances of customers acting like entitled jackasses because they think it will get them what they want.

"The customer is always right?" More like, "The customer is usually a moron and an asshole."

by Intelligence001 February 22, 2020

Criticism

The act of pointing out flaws in a person/work/event. As it turns out, a lot of people tend to handle this quite poorly. Over-inflated ego may have something to do with it.

Critic: Your performance was very impressive! However, there are a couple minor nitpicks I have-
Narcissist: Why don't you fucking do it if you're so goddamn smart, huh!?
Viewer: Oh, whatsamatta with you? Can't take a little criticism?
Critic: No shit.

by Intelligence001 February 13, 2020