Definitions by Hym Iam

You're welcome

Oh wow! That was expedient!

Hym "You're welcome random guy! I'm not trying to be a dick about it but you see me getting fucked by life harder than a whore in a retard group home right? Not pleasant. Not a fan of this... thing.... Hmm... What else? 🤔 Nah that's it. That's all I have to say for now."

You're welcome by Hym Iam February 12, 2023

Review 

Ha! Yeah that would be cringe... Which I why I refuse to do it. Yeah, I don't want to do that and won't.

Hym "Yeah, don't ask me to review my shit. I was there the first time and so was everyone else."

Review by Hym Iam February 12, 2023

Brain tingles 

Hey, it does tingle! How did you know!?

Hym "Hey! I do get brain tingles! But um.... I don't know 🤷 I hope not. I don't generally orchestrate clown assassinations like that... Like... My clown army should be bringing people to my lair so I can use them to lure Batman to me. That's not how this is supposed to work. 🤷 I mean, yeah it's better than being almost homeless. I learned that if I get evicted I will lokely be unable to get an apartment ever again and that's... um... Good to know I guess. Uh, I mean things are still pretty much the same here. Everyone I meet knows everything I do as I do it so that's a little disconcerting. Family is still shit. I won't hear from them until April and when I get there it's going to be no different than losten to my coworkers talk shit.... Except with booze. Which is objectively better. Yeah, you know, I would do the Patreon thing but it would be weird for me to be like 'Hey guys! I'm Hym! Do you know who Hym is? The most prolific writer of the modren age? That's me! I'm the guy!' and it just kind of defeats the purpose of what I'm doing here.... I appreciate you though👍"

Brain tingles by Hym Iam February 12, 2023

Dan 

He must be a fan. I keep ending up in his shows................ Ah fuck. Too many characters. Hold on.......

Hym "Hi, Dan! You know of anything else with me in it? I already watched Record of Ragnarok season 2. That Jack the Ripper shit was dope. "Dear God"? Get it? Nah... You didn't see it. I finished Little Demon (You didn't fall in love with and sexually harass Aubrey did you? I wouldn't blame you! Hahaha!) I was watching Koalaman for a bit but I don't think I'm in there... But hey, you want to hurry the fuck up and get season 6 of Rick and Morty on Hbo Max? I'm trying not pirate shit (because Todd will have another hissy-fit if he finds out) but holy shit does that take a long time to get on those streaming platforms. Seriously. What is the hold up?

Ok. There.

Oh! And I'm trying to get some free shit from all the creators I work with (non-consensually by the way because we care so much about consent). So like, a signed portal gun or something... Aubrey's phone number... Or like a signed box of stogies from Danny... NO! Signed penguin umbrella! Yep. Screw the stogies... No, you know what? Send them both. I don't know... Um... Yeah... I need to talk to Ye about getting one of the Baalenciaga masks... Shit hold on. I have to piss..........................................................................................................................*sound of running water*.... *sound stops*................... Alright... Yeah, hey, I'm gonna go here but, uh, watch out for hammer clowns, alright? Cuz uuuuhh... That's a thing apparently... Oh, real quick, before I go: Am I free guy too? Cuz I remember one of the first definitions I did had him in it. And I coined the NPC thing so, yeah, I don't know. Does anyone else remember that far back? Before I was Hym? It was Ryan Gosling and Ryan Reynalds? Only for 1 definition but still. Shit, what did I have them say? I don't even remember. Hopefully it wasn't anything too embarrassing. If you don't remember that then remember this: You're just some guy to me. So here 🖕 That's for you. You can take it to the bank or something... Pretend it's a dick and suck it... Doesn't matter. Anywho, I'm done. Ok. I love you buhbye Dan!"

Dan by Hym Iam February 12, 2023

4 hours 

Dawg, I've been living on 4 hours of sleep for literally my entire life. Except instead of getting up to burp the byproduct of me slamming some pussy 70 times in a row, I end up doing shit like, going to a school I hate or some soul crushing factory because society has entitled itself to 8 hours a day of my life for the rest of my life.

Hym "Oh. Hey. Guess what I'm about to do? Get 4 hours of sleep. Again. Because if I don't fall alseep before the sun comes up it's almost impossible to sleep until I'm too tired to keep my eyes open. And if DO fall alseep when I get home, I wake up at noon and have to be away for 10 hours before I work for 8 hours. But nah it's fine. You see the capitalism-guys telling the guy who outsourced all of his labor to people he has little-to-no contact with that he doesn't deserve credit or to be disproportionately paid for his role? Hilarious right? But don't worry. I bought you a wheelchair just in case you pat yourself on the back too hard and shatter your own spine."

4 hours by Hym Iam February 11, 2023

Hierarchies

You see... The problem with "hierarchies of value" is that YOURS... Isn't real.... MINE is. Undeniably so. Of course I have one. There might even be some overlap BETWEEN our hierarchies. And before you say "Try treating people like their hierarchies of value don't exist", you already do that don't you? If the wrong thing is at the top of mine, what happens? Mine needs to change doesn't it? And what kind of atrocities are you willing to inflict upon me? Huh? Hell? If the wrong thing is at the top, what does it make me? The bad one. I have to value you and your shit sacks. That's what should be at the top. But not "You", you, you as an abstraction and...

Hym "And that's the problem with hierarchies... Oh, aw, shit, hey! The little demon is doing the thing! You see it? You see em doing the thing?"

Iam *sigh* "Yeah... I don't even know how to deal with this... God damn it Kendra, now Audrey Plaza knows who I am... and Danny Devito... *deep breath* *long sigh*🤦 ♂️ihateyousomuchrightnowyoubiiiiiiiitch...."

Hym "Oh? Heh... that's not what you're into? Pft! Is that not exactly what you're..."

Iam "Shut uUuUuUuUup! God! God... 2022? That's... recent."

Hym "I told them to entertain me. I don't know what you expected..."

Iam 🤦 ♂️ "I... Know... what you told them! I WAS THERE! Hooooly shit!"

Hym "Heheheheheh. So... The whole glib and aloof thing doesn't..."

Iam "AAAAAH! Aaaalright. You have another one, right? You have another definition to do? Cus we're running out of time."

Hym "Oh! Right! Out! Get out! You're not a part of the next one."

Hierarchies by Hym Iam February 11, 2023

Hell 

The thing I've single handedly saved humanity from...

Hym "Because Hell is no longer the worst case scenario for any of you... The worst case scenario is you dying and waking up to find me.... Just... There. Wherever it is that you are... Isn't it? Wouldn't that be worse? Think about it.... You thinking about it? Can you picture it? Doesn't that sound worse to you? I don't know. Just a funny thought I had..."

Iam "Hey, man this Little demon show is pretty good. I was hesitant to watch it but yeah...?"

Hym "Huh? For real?"

Iam "Yup. S'pretty good."

Hym "Restart it. I want to watch. I will please me."

Iam "Umm.... Yeah, I'll watch them again." 🤷 ♂️

Hell by Hym Iam February 11, 2023