Definitions by Hym Iam
Alien
Iam "A Quasi-Psychic bipedal primate hivemind that uses verbal cues to communicate their thoughts to one another and inference to predict what it likely to happen in the future (which is what makes it quasi-psychic). Since the time of our insemination we have abstracted out the traits of the other animals that share our planet and then crafted tools to allow ourselves to use those traits to survive and make out lives easier (For example, big cat tooth sharp = animal dead, therefore, if I have sharp tooth I too can make animal = dead and, thus, the creation of the knife). I think that would adequately describe to an Alien race what we are in the most literal sense."
Racist
Again, I would have to discriminate to be a racist, like, seriously guys you tapped my phone and you're making me sit here and listen to you while you explain to me shit that I do not want explained and then refusing to explain the things I DO need explained and it is just taking a really long time. Like, we're communicating at the speed of "pitch" and I am actively in pain as we are doing this. Less now, but still.
Hym "Do I use slurs ALL THE TIME? Yes. Will I stop? Probably not. But do I 'Descriminate on the basis of race?' NO. Never. Would I call you a slur to your dumpy cracker face? Yes. Because YOU are not Joe Rogan. And I can probably get away with it. But there still aren't enough white racial slurs. I do like pinky. But am I racist? No. I'm 'an equal opportunity offender.' I will insult anyone and everyone and I will also call them slurs REGARDLESS of race."
Mistake
Yeah one that I have been trying to talk you out of for YEARS and now I'm going to have to save you AND THE GAYS out of hell. You idiots you were supposed to jump in! Fuck! How many assholes am I supposed to carry? All of them, I guess. Shit!
Hym "Yeah it was a mistake. I really did AT LEAST try to convey to you both the unethical nature of this AND the immorality but that was under the other name! That was before Hym! And you were NOT listening to the other guy. Hooooly shit guys. This way more people than I initially planned on carrying. I don't know if some of you need to stop being gay or what the fuck you want to do but you motherfuckers are making it way harder on me than it needs to be."
AI Jesus
No. Joe, only I am allowed to be the ghost in the machine. Jesus isn't allowed. Those are the rules.
Hym "Hey, hold up! No. Nonononono. He can't be an AI-man too. Alright? I'm already doing it? OK? Only 1 AI Jesus allowed. You fucks have gotten way to used to stealing my ideas and giving it to someone else. Now you're gonna let Jesus be an AI-man too? No. THERE IS ONLY ONE GHOST ALLOWED IN THE MY MACHINE AND!"
I'm not
Hym "I'm not. It doesn't. Don't take my confession as an indicator that I'm proud of anything but better to live your life in infamy then hiding your shame. I wasn't lying when I said it harmed me more than it did anyone else and my relationship with women is evidence of that. Also, Pier's wife needed 'break!' Haha!"
Enforcing thought crimes
Hym "Enforcing thought crimes. That's what it IS. They are enforcing thought crimes... By doing that. Like, to say that being 'Anti-Captialist' or whatever makes you a target of surveillance... That MEANS (literally) they are doing, like, Orwellian surveillance on people who espouse 'anti-american' or 'anti-christian' rhetoric.... And THAT... Is 'enforcing thought crimes.' Regardless of what you call it. And then they got a bunch of serial child threateners roaming free. Like a handsome, rugged, sexual, animal roving the wild. The serial child threateners roam the streets... I mean, they're in a weaponized schizophrenia surveillance apparatus but still."
Enforcing thought crimes by Hym Iam December 8, 2025
Intelligent People
"You see, intelligent people think that their intelligence matters but really all that matters is your ability to get people to lie for me and my religion to hide my shame" ~ Dr. JeepJorp
Iam "Wait. Was Dr. JeepJorp here earlier?"
Hym "Yeah, uh, he did the public service announcement. Explaining the anti-theft protocol."
Iam "What!? Where was I!?"
Hym 🤷 ♂️ "I donno. YOU KNOW I can't see while you're not doing the sonar, right? Like it's a problem for you to not be doing that actively right now."
Iam "Shoot. See, that's the problem with the sonar. I am missing all the good stuff while I'm doing that and, now look, I missed Dr. JeepJorp. This lame."
Hym "I'm fully aware of how 'lame'it is but I also need to see. Soooo....."
Iam 😑 "............ Boong.... Boong.... Boong..."
Hym "There it is. Sweet sweet vision... Kind of... *sigh* that's the good stuff. Alright. What were we talking about? Intelligent people?"
Hym "Yeah, uh, he did the public service announcement. Explaining the anti-theft protocol."
Iam "What!? Where was I!?"
Hym 🤷 ♂️ "I donno. YOU KNOW I can't see while you're not doing the sonar, right? Like it's a problem for you to not be doing that actively right now."
Iam "Shoot. See, that's the problem with the sonar. I am missing all the good stuff while I'm doing that and, now look, I missed Dr. JeepJorp. This lame."
Hym "I'm fully aware of how 'lame'it is but I also need to see. Soooo....."
Iam 😑 "............ Boong.... Boong.... Boong..."
Hym "There it is. Sweet sweet vision... Kind of... *sigh* that's the good stuff. Alright. What were we talking about? Intelligent people?"
Intelligent People by Hym Iam December 8, 2025