HMB's definitions

Washington Times

A daily newspaper, founded in 1982, and funded by the Unification Church and Reverend Sun Myun Moon. Although begun as a conservative counterweight to Communism, the newspaper has gradually won respect for its journalism. Today, it is held in high esteem for its Metropolitan pages and its non-ideological foreign news pages, although the editorial coverage still retains a firmly conservative viewpoint.

Ever since HMB went to work at the Washington Times, his contributions at urbandictionary have tapered off into nothingness. One can only hope that his literary output is being put to equally creative uses.

by HMB March 6, 2004

decepticon

A slang term used in the prostitution trade to describe a transsexual or transvestite hooker (who are often called "Transformers"), especially one who is so convincing as a woman that friends and clients do not believe she was once a man.

"Holy shit! She ain't no Transformer... she a goddam DECEPTICON!"

by HMB April 28, 2005

freedom flag

1. A flag that stands for freedom.
2. "Le Tricolore" - The flag of France (in the present anti-French climate). This strikes me as being hilariously amusing because the entire reason why the Congress renamed French fries in the first place was to show that France did not support military action for freedom. The ironic juxtaposition inherent in the subtextual deconstructuralist narrative frame of this dialogical reificate is so funny that it makes me want to shit my pants, wipe it on the windows, and then run naked through Congress with my hands in the air gibbering like a lunatic.

1. Dude, the American flag is the only freedom flag in the world because everybody knows that America is the only free country in the world.

2. What flag do the French have then?

1. Shit.

by HMB May 11, 2003

Butt

1. Verb - to press up against or to jostle.
2. Noun - the end part of a rifle or shotgun or machinegun that rests against the shoulder or pectoral muscles to increase stability during firing.
3. Noun - the part of a human being that knows wind and earth. The buttocks and anus of a person.
4. Noun - the recipient or target of a joke.

Ever since Father O'Malley was caught butting that butt into that young choirboy's butt, he has become the butt of many cruel jokes.

by HMB April 11, 2003

Christian

A person who believes in the teachings of Christ. Christianity was originally canonized and collated by the Roman Catholic Church. In the late 1500s, Henry VIII of England split with the Church and founded a Protestant Church. Later offshoots of this Protestant faith reached America and gave rise to the large number of different denominations and sects of Christian faith.

Statistics indicate that Christianity is the religion with the largest number of believers worldwide.

Christianity shares many facets of faith alongside the other Abrahamic faiths Judaism and Islam. All are monotheistic, all stress kindness to your fellow men, and all faiths maintain that the path to true happiness lies in devotion to God and the adherence to guidelines set out in canonical texts, whether these be the Old Testament, the New Testament, or the Quran.

"I can't seem to get any water out of my faucet and the bathtub backs up with dirty smelly water. I've tried Draino and Clorox and nothing works. I think I should call a Christian."

"Dude, don't you mean a plumber."

"Actually yeah you're right. I need a plumber."

by HMB April 7, 2003

airplane ass

This describes the phenomenon that people sitting in a plane will get smellier and more repulwsive than people doing a similar amount of sitting at home or at work. Regardless of how short or long your flight is, merely being seated in an airplane means your ass will stink, for several reasons.

Firstly the air pressure differential after take off means that air pockets of intestinal gas will be higher pressure and more likely to force themselves out of your chocolate barking spider.

Secondly, consider the smell of every other traveller that has sat in the same seat, warming the same cushion with the same intestinal gases and sweat, and dealing with the everpresent background noise and stress of air travel, while a crappy movie plays on a screen too small to see and which is blocked anyway by other passengers getting up, sitting down, or just hanging like douchebag fuckwits in the aisle talking to their colleagues because they think that air travel is FUN.

Meanwhile the stewardesses are busy standing in the rear gantry leaning against the snack boxes (which now cost $5 extra each just to buy) with their legs open and their panties around one ankle getting shagged from behind by the stewards, and the pilots are busy smoking weed as the airport handlers break the locks on your luggage down below to steal your souvenirs and computers, under broad security rights bestowed by the TSA federal agency while the lone fat greasy headed steward who can't get any female flight attendant to part her Pink Sea for him is taking out his frustrations by forcing people to move out of Economy-Plus seating (which costs you $75 more at the check-in counter than regular Economy for an extra 5 cm. of legroom) regardless of the fact that once the plane takes off the people will just fucking move back in because airport security can't board a moving plane, fuckwits.

This combination of low air pressure, substandard treatment, and superstandard psychological pressure results in larger than usual pockets of intestinal gas forcing themselves out of your anus and warming the fabric around your fundament.

This also means that ANY TIME A PASSENGER GETS OUT OF THEIR SEAT, their ass comes up to the same level as the seated passengers' faces. This is especially notable when the first over-caffeinated passenger jumps out of his seat at the end of a flight to grab his carry on luggage so he can be the first to wait in a completely stationary line to disembark, and you're still seated, and his ass wafts a foul stench your way that makes your eyes water.

Possibly a contributing factor to air rage.

16-B: What do you think of that chick in 14-D?
16-C: Hmm. Looks kinda tired.
16-B: She's got a sweet ass. And I think I saw her get into the toilets with a pink dildo. I think I'm gonna jerk off on her face.
16-C: Yeah, but she walked past me just now and I got a faceful of grade-A fetid rancid eyewatering airplane ass.
16-B: Eurgh. Okay. Never mind. (goes back to doing crossword puzzle)

by HMB January 13, 2007

TMD

1. Territorial Missile Defence. The deployment of anti-missile interceptors and detectors to render a small territory (eg an island democracy) safe from missile attack by a continental adversary (eg a mainland dictatorship). This term is largely used to describe hotspots like Taiwan, Israel, and downtown LA.

2. A virulent Chinese curse, as per WMD and NMD. This is usually used of a thing or person in the third person. The meaning is somewhat akin to "that jerk" or "this useless piece of crap". Literally it means "of its/his/her mother".

1. President Bush: "China is a strategic competitor and we will sell Taiwan submarines and anti-missile defences and advanced naval technologies but China is our ally in the war against terror so we will not supply anything that would disturb the status quo and we support the One China policy and the Taiwanese people should be entitled to hold their own elections without military response from the mainland and could you please stop selling such cheap bras and panties please? We'll promise not to sell Taiwan a TMD if you do."

2. Chinese President Hu Jintao: "WTF is Bush talking about?"

Taiwanese President Chen Shui-Bian: "Dude, I don't know. TMD."

Chinese President Hu Jintao: "Damn straight. TMD. Nice spliff, BTW."

Taiwanese President Chen Shui-bian: "Thx."

by HMB March 12, 2004