Garthy's definitions

loose sausage meat

Flaccid penis which cannot be funnelled into a condom.

As in "Sorry love, I've got loose sausage meat ".

by Garthy September 19, 2006

Beer Angel

The unseen guiding force that watches over and keeps safe the inebriated as they stagger across all six lanes of the North Circular at chucking out time.

Loss of vision or memory, and complete bewilderment as to how you got home safely and in one piece means only one thing, that your beer angel was watching over you.

by garthy September 5, 2008

Pork and Beans

A term to describe a Happy Shopper, or Betty Both. One who bowls from both the Pavillion and the members' end. Half rice, Half Chips.

'Birthdays:David Bowie, formerly Pork and Beans, now just beans, singer, 56 today' ('The Times' Jan 8th, 2003)

by Garthy September 19, 2006

Betty Swollocks

Polite term for knacker discomfort

"forgive me your majesty, whilst i adjust my doublet and hose. I have sailed the oceans these last six months and have not changed my codpiece since we left the New World. I fear i have the most awful Betties (Sir Walter Raleigh, Audience with Queen Elizabeth I, 1584) Betty Swollocks

by Garthy July 9, 2006

art pamphlet

A jazz or scud magazine; one handed reading material.

"Hey Gordon, wheres the art pamphlets, Cherie's on the blob and i'm gonna have to knock one out before I address Parliament on climate change". "There in the shitter where you left them Tony, you fucking twat"

by Garthy September 19, 2006

horses collar

Vagina. Also sim. to imply generous proportions

"She's got a fanny like a horses collar" (as opposed to a mouse's ear).

by Garthy September 19, 2006

Self Help Manual

An item of literature that aids relaxation

Playboy, Penthouse, Razzle, The Pants and Bra section of Littlewoods catalogue, The back of a Special K box, family holiday photos could all be used as a self help manual

by Garthy September 19, 2006