Definitions by Frank Klaune
scratch the patch
Literally, for one to "scratch where it itches", in particular to scratch the genital area. Often seen as a sign of some disgusting disease or STD.
Man, Frank was picking up that chick in the bar, but when he saw her scratch the patch, he flipped her off and left. I think he figured she had VD or crabs or something.
scratch the patch by Frank Klaune November 13, 2004
Harry Palmer
The protagonist of K.J. Rowling's book. This ignorant teenage zitfaced twit received international acclaim for his masturbatory tendencies.
Harry Palmer by Frank Klaune November 13, 2004
palm balm
Euphemism for any substance (usually hand lotion, soap, KY jelly, etc.) used as lubricant to facilitate male masturbation activity.
Man, Franq was so drunk the other night. He got home and didn't know what he was doing so he used Easy Off for palm balm. Now he has a rash on his dick. That Franq is an idiot.
palm balm by Frank Klaune November 11, 2004
first cut them off then flip them off
The phrase is used as advice for impatient drivers (usually impatient, incompetant yuppy sorts in overly expensive cars) who hesitate when a much slower car approaches the intersection (usually driven by an old fart with a handicapped sign on the mirror). If the yuppy waits, he will inevitably be trapped behind the slow old fart for a long time. Thus the advice, "first cut them off, then flip them off" intended to not only offend the other driver by cutting them off, but also to infuriate them by giving them "the bird" immediately thereafter. A totally un-called-for move which is very hilarious, it is also summed up by the phrase, "those who hesitate, wait". Either phrase perhaps best summarizes the attitude of extreme, offensive driving- skills not taught in your average Driver's Ed Class.
"Frank slowed down at the intersection, but when he saw that handicapped sign on the approaching car in the cross traffic, he gunned it without stopping. As the tires squealed around the corner, he rolled the window down and flipped off the cross traffic. I asked him what the hell he was doing and he replied, "first cut them off, then flip them off". Man, Frank is an asshole!"
first cut them off then flip them off by Frank Klaune November 11, 2004
erection rejection
1) When standing in public with an intentionally huge bulge in your pants so that your girl (or any girl) can plainly see your state of excitement, and such girl(s) ignore you.
2) When dirty dancing with your girlfriend and you rub your big ol doinker against her leg (or any other body part) and she is turned off (not attracted to) your ovations.
2) When dirty dancing with your girlfriend and you rub your big ol doinker against her leg (or any other body part) and she is turned off (not attracted to) your ovations.
erection rejection by Frank Klaune October 20, 2004
blastus
Aside from being the name of a biblical character, "blastus" is another term designating a type of fart. A very large amount of intestinal gas is expelled at considerable force. As the flattus is violently expelled through the anus, the high amplitude oscillation of the sphincter results in a great, explosive, low tone of frightful volume. The term may also be applied as a proper noun as necessary.
blastus by Frank Klaune October 18, 2004
fiberal
A wise and witty observation relating to how today's liberal interacts in the modern world. It is the obvious mix of "fib" (as in lie / liar and deceit) and "iberal" (as in "liberal"- i.e. ignorant, unrealistic socialist who wants big government to solve all problems at the expense of liberty). An accurate portrayal of today's left wing kooks who use revisionist history, rhetoric, character assasination and a complicit media to further their own skewed agenda which flies in the face of history, reason and common sense.
"I turned on the news tonight but couldn't stand the biased trash the fiberals were dishing up, so we played Scrabble instead."
fiberal by Frank Klaune July 9, 2004