ElCommissioner 's definitions

Fretboard Diarrhea Syndrome

Fretboard Diarrhea Syndrome (FDS) afflicts thousands of guitar players. This condition causes the guitarist to play way too many notes and play them way too fast. This style of playing in no way serves the melody, the song, or the singer...it only lets the guitarist show off and gives him a chance to bob his head like a rock star. This unnecessary and distracting barrage of notes is often delivered at way too high a volume also, further diminishing the value of the playing.

There seems to be no cure for FDS.

"That new guitar player in the band? He has a severe case of Fretboard Diarrhea Syndrome...he, and now that band, is unlistenable!"

by ElCommissioner December 7, 2023

lockdown pounds

Unwanted weight gained during a shelter in place order, resulting from overeating and lack of exercise

I put on 8 lockdown pounds in March.

by ElCommissioner April 14, 2020

scentuation

A scentuation is a situation where there is a noticeable scent in the area. A skunk could be responsible for a foul scentuation. A woman doused in cheap perfume is a walking bad scentuation. A fragrant rose creates a lovely scentuation.

Some people love their toast burned; but I feel it is just creates a bad scentuation. Yuk!

by ElCommissioner July 14, 2020

Valley of the Tunes

Jack London, the famed adventure writer from the early 1900's, called the Sonoma Valley in California, his home towards the end of his life. He referred to the valley as the "Valley of the Moon". The clever twist on that phrase, Valley of the Tunes, refers to the vibrant live music scene here.

There is a ton of music this weekend here in the Valley of the Tunes!

by ElCommissioner May 1, 2022

eventpathy

Eventpathy is a social phenomenon wherein crowds of people remain passive and unengaged when an active and much more involved response is called for. It involves the feeling that "someone else will take care of the situation."

The festival area was littered with debris after the crowds dispersed, an example of rampant eventpathy.

by ElCommissioner June 22, 2019

spawn jockey

A professional sperm donor.

Alfred recently became a spawn jockey, and was coming up with an extra grand a month.

by ElCommissioner October 1, 2017

GAS

Guitar Acquisition Syndrome (GAS) is the undeniable inability to stop buying nice guitars. Even with intervention by a loving spouse (" Will you stop spending our money on those stupid fucking guitars!?"), the victim is helpless in the face of the condition.

Dude, I have GAS...I gotta stop at the guitar shop on the way home. they got a new shipment in.

by ElCommissioner February 26, 2022