A jail seen in every mall. Arrested shoppers can sit in here for hours at a time. June Jails are always guarded by at least security guard taking shifts. The first use of a June Jail was when June Drabble got arrested by her husband, Ralph, for eating candy that she didn't pay for. A June Jail is fun to sit in and will always be there when you're tired from shopping. So if you want a place to rest when your shopping failed, head on over to the nearest June Jail!
Ralph: I can't believe this! You stole a malt ball, honeybunch?! You're gonna have to sit in the June Jail.
June: Well, that might not be so bad. I still got me some candy!
Necky: But you didn't pay! That was just it, you didn't pay. Over against the wall! (starts searching June for candy)
Ralph: Look, I found a lava cake. Why don't we all sit in the June Jail. This is going to be fun. This is sweet! A June Jail is so much fun.
June: Yes, it sure is. But I feel like some exercise. (she starts jogging around the jail cell.)
Necky: Wait! Are you hungry? We still got some of the cake and candy.
June: No, not right now. Exercise first, then eat. You know how Ralph is. He's gotta keep his gooey going.
Ralph: (laughing) Now, all this exercise is making me tired. I'm gonna have to sit down. How do you like the June Jail?
June: It rocks! This is one of the nicest jails anybody could go to. A couple of hours in here and you'll love money. And its all thanks to my Ralphy Boy!
June: Well, that might not be so bad. I still got me some candy!
Necky: But you didn't pay! That was just it, you didn't pay. Over against the wall! (starts searching June for candy)
Ralph: Look, I found a lava cake. Why don't we all sit in the June Jail. This is going to be fun. This is sweet! A June Jail is so much fun.
June: Yes, it sure is. But I feel like some exercise. (she starts jogging around the jail cell.)
Necky: Wait! Are you hungry? We still got some of the cake and candy.
June: No, not right now. Exercise first, then eat. You know how Ralph is. He's gotta keep his gooey going.
Ralph: (laughing) Now, all this exercise is making me tired. I'm gonna have to sit down. How do you like the June Jail?
June: It rocks! This is one of the nicest jails anybody could go to. A couple of hours in here and you'll love money. And its all thanks to my Ralphy Boy!
by Dusty's Baby Powder December 15, 2011
Get the June Jailmug. An intensely relaxing massage given by Ed Crankshaft to his family and friends. When he does it, they sigh in relief. Most notably given when one of his family or friends is stiff or tired at the end of the day. An Ed Massage is very soothing. It often includes the sea foam green lotion known as Edward Ocean. If you want something that won't take a lot of time, don't head for a massage parlor - try an Ed Massage. And remember, Ed Crankshaft sent you!
Pickles: Hey Ed, I'm so sore. Chasing Homer around the garden really took a lot out of me. Its rough being a cat.
Ed: Well, that's no problem. How about an Ed Massage? (he takes a spoonful of the Edward Ocean) Here's comes the massage plane into the hangar! Zoom! (he starts Pickles' fur)
Pam: Oh no, I've been walking all day. Did I see you giving Pickles an Ed Massage? I need one too!
Ed: Okay, easy, easy now. This is going to be good. This is sweet. (he starts rubbing Pam's feet) You poor little chick. Daddy knows what to do.
Ed: (while sitting in front of the bonfire he feels a twinge in his back) Oh no, now I need an Ed Massage. Give me that Edward Ocean, would ya? (he rubs some onto his back) There! That's better. That felt good.
Pam: Do you want me to do all over? I mean, not just your feet, but whole body? I can do that if you want me to.
Ed: Sweet! My whole body feels rough. I haven't had an Ed Massage in days. I just need to warm up is all. Ed Massages rock! One of the best ways to relax after a hard day.
Pickles: Right on! Even an old mudcat like me would love an Ed Massage every now and then. High paw! (Pickles high fives Ed, scratching his hand) Ed Massage forever!
Ed: Well, that's no problem. How about an Ed Massage? (he takes a spoonful of the Edward Ocean) Here's comes the massage plane into the hangar! Zoom! (he starts Pickles' fur)
Pam: Oh no, I've been walking all day. Did I see you giving Pickles an Ed Massage? I need one too!
Ed: Okay, easy, easy now. This is going to be good. This is sweet. (he starts rubbing Pam's feet) You poor little chick. Daddy knows what to do.
Ed: (while sitting in front of the bonfire he feels a twinge in his back) Oh no, now I need an Ed Massage. Give me that Edward Ocean, would ya? (he rubs some onto his back) There! That's better. That felt good.
Pam: Do you want me to do all over? I mean, not just your feet, but whole body? I can do that if you want me to.
Ed: Sweet! My whole body feels rough. I haven't had an Ed Massage in days. I just need to warm up is all. Ed Massages rock! One of the best ways to relax after a hard day.
Pickles: Right on! Even an old mudcat like me would love an Ed Massage every now and then. High paw! (Pickles high fives Ed, scratching his hand) Ed Massage forever!
by Dusty's Baby Powder October 26, 2011
Get the Ed Massagemug. A handshake used by Marine Corps soldiers. First invented by Gunnery Sergeant Beatrice Middleton in 1945. Done this way: first, slapping a high five; sliding the hand lower and giving a slightly lower five; closing of fist and tucking the thumb in; then bumping them while saying "Eagle, globe, and anchor"; then as the hand is pulled and shaken and "Away we go!" is said. Also, when the fives are given, "Up high" and "down low" are said as well.
Amos: Hey Sarge, there's a party down in the defac.
Orville: (confused, not knowing what Amos is saying) This crazy thing. What's this hand thing they're doing? Are they trying to show off?
Beatrice: No, it's the Gunny Five. I invented this. Let me show you how.
(Beatrice gives the Gunny Five to Amos. Amos passes the Gunny Five to Orville)
Beatrice: You do it that way, it's easy!
Martha: These men are going crazy. What's with all these fives? I want to learn how.
Beatrice: (demonstrating to Martha) Up high, down low, eagle, globe, and anchor, and away we go!
Martha: (yelling) That's funky. I'm going to have to teach all the soldiers that.
(Orville and Amos wink at each other then look at Martha and give the Gunny Five to Martha)
Orville: (confused, not knowing what Amos is saying) This crazy thing. What's this hand thing they're doing? Are they trying to show off?
Beatrice: No, it's the Gunny Five. I invented this. Let me show you how.
(Beatrice gives the Gunny Five to Amos. Amos passes the Gunny Five to Orville)
Beatrice: You do it that way, it's easy!
Martha: These men are going crazy. What's with all these fives? I want to learn how.
Beatrice: (demonstrating to Martha) Up high, down low, eagle, globe, and anchor, and away we go!
Martha: (yelling) That's funky. I'm going to have to teach all the soldiers that.
(Orville and Amos wink at each other then look at Martha and give the Gunny Five to Martha)
by Dusty's Baby Powder March 18, 2011
Get the Gunny Fivemug. A form of fried chicken created by Beatrice Middleton. Done by marinating the chicken in blueberry juice, thus imparting a blue color and sweet flavor. It is often eaten before Duke games to get into the mood to win. It was named after Duke basketball coach Mike "Coach K" Krzyzewski. Beatrice just happens to be friends with him being an alumnus of Duke herself.
Beatrice: Hey honey, are you hungry? I'm fixing you some Coach K Chicken. This is devilishly delicious!
Bryant: How do you make it? It looks like it tastes good.
Beatrice: You marinate the chicken in blueberry juice. It makes it sweet. Turns it a really pretty shade of blue, too. (screaming) GO BLUE DEVILS!
Coach K: Well if it isn't Beatrice Middleton herself. I hear you're making my chicken. I'm pretty hungry. The boys just had a big game. We smashed NC State good!
Beatrice: Okay, its almost done. (fries the chicken) Here, try this. See what you think of it.
(Coach K and Bryant try the chicken)
Bryant: Wow! This blueberry juice really pops. Its like a blueberry in my mouth.
Coach K: Good one, Beatrice! I haven't had this in a long time. I'm gonna have to teach the guys how to make this.
Beatrice: Well, if Coach K likes it, everyone will! This Gunny Granny sure can cook! Hey, there's a Duke game on. Let's take it in the living room, boys. This is going to be sweet. This is one kickin' chicken!
Bryant: How do you make it? It looks like it tastes good.
Beatrice: You marinate the chicken in blueberry juice. It makes it sweet. Turns it a really pretty shade of blue, too. (screaming) GO BLUE DEVILS!
Coach K: Well if it isn't Beatrice Middleton herself. I hear you're making my chicken. I'm pretty hungry. The boys just had a big game. We smashed NC State good!
Beatrice: Okay, its almost done. (fries the chicken) Here, try this. See what you think of it.
(Coach K and Bryant try the chicken)
Bryant: Wow! This blueberry juice really pops. Its like a blueberry in my mouth.
Coach K: Good one, Beatrice! I haven't had this in a long time. I'm gonna have to teach the guys how to make this.
Beatrice: Well, if Coach K likes it, everyone will! This Gunny Granny sure can cook! Hey, there's a Duke game on. Let's take it in the living room, boys. This is going to be sweet. This is one kickin' chicken!
by Dusty's Baby Powder August 18, 2011
Get the Coach K Chickenmug. A very old football warm up exercise created by former Apopka High School football coach Morton "Bull" Grit. It is essentially a set of squats but spelling 'Darter" in between every rep. What's funny about this is that the letters are made from the body. So if you want an exercise that really gets around, try doing some Darter Downs. You will love it! They are so fun you'll be Dartin' through the mud.
Bull: Hey Bryant, you feel like some exercise? How about a round of Darter Downs?
Bryant: Darter Downs? I don't know what you're talking about.
Bull: (growling) Sure you do. We've done these hundreds of times. Remember, you squat and spell 'Darter'? You know, you use your body to spell it. Remember how fun they are? Come on, let's do a set!
Amos: Darter Downs? I'll bet you Laotian Kips you can't do 50 of them. (saluting) Ten HUT!
Bryant: You're on, you big brig! If only Grandma Marty could see this. (Bull and Bryant start doing Darter Downs) D-A-R-T-E-R. Grrrrrr!
Bull: (laughing at Bryant) He better pay up! He lost. You know, I was once stationed in Ventiane, the capital of Laos.
Bryant: (starts doing another Darter Down) Wow! These are so much fun. From Vero Beach to Ventiane, the Darter Down's got it going on.
Bull: High wing! These rock!
Amos: You've sold me. Here's your Kips.
Bryant: Darter Downs? I don't know what you're talking about.
Bull: (growling) Sure you do. We've done these hundreds of times. Remember, you squat and spell 'Darter'? You know, you use your body to spell it. Remember how fun they are? Come on, let's do a set!
Amos: Darter Downs? I'll bet you Laotian Kips you can't do 50 of them. (saluting) Ten HUT!
Bryant: You're on, you big brig! If only Grandma Marty could see this. (Bull and Bryant start doing Darter Downs) D-A-R-T-E-R. Grrrrrr!
Bull: (laughing at Bryant) He better pay up! He lost. You know, I was once stationed in Ventiane, the capital of Laos.
Bryant: (starts doing another Darter Down) Wow! These are so much fun. From Vero Beach to Ventiane, the Darter Down's got it going on.
Bull: High wing! These rock!
Amos: You've sold me. Here's your Kips.
by Dusty's Baby Powder November 11, 2011
Get the Darter Downsmug. An exercise program most notably done by Opal Crankshaft. Done in a mirror in order to maintain the 'perky' expression on Opal's face.
Opal: Hey Martha, your face is sagging. You've got to do some perkies!
Martha: What the heck are perkies? I've never heard of that in all my 70 years.
Amos: Ten hut! A little facial PT, huh?
Opal: Yeah, you should try this. You're gonna love it! I do it all the time.
Amos: Might as well. If it's gonna make Martha look good it might make me look good too!
Martha: What the heck are perkies? I've never heard of that in all my 70 years.
Amos: Ten hut! A little facial PT, huh?
Opal: Yeah, you should try this. You're gonna love it! I do it all the time.
Amos: Might as well. If it's gonna make Martha look good it might make me look good too!
by Dusty's Baby Powder October 18, 2010
Get the Perkiesmug. A feeling of what life would be like without one's wife, in this case personified by Opal Crankshaft, first used by Earl Pickles.
Earl: You know, Ed, I feel kind of Opal-Less.
Ed: What do you mean?
Earl: Well, that was my wife. Since you married her I miss her.
Ed: Well, without her I'd be Opal-Less myself.
Earl: Ed, I hope you never have to find out.
Ed: What do you mean?
Earl: Well, that was my wife. Since you married her I miss her.
Ed: Well, without her I'd be Opal-Less myself.
Earl: Ed, I hope you never have to find out.
by Dusty's Baby Powder September 15, 2010
Get the Opal-Lessmug.