wankport

Internet connection, usually via laptop, personal computer.. Can be used to access services other than pr0n.. (Theoretically)..

John was just about to lose his mess when all of a sudden the faptop shut down and proceeded to install a much needed windows upgrade (sarcasm)..

His wankport now out of commission, John was forced to thumb through the NEXT catalogue ladies underwear section for emergency wrist fodder..

by Drex Johnson August 25, 2013

sperm sponge

A woman who seems to have a tendancy to soak up semen from all directions with no obvious limitation.

stop pestering, ive shagged you 15 times already and its nearly time for breakfast.. Go make me a full english you fucking sperm sponge..

by Drex Johnson November 03, 2008

fish rack

A row of women lined up for Sir's pleasure. Usually found in shandy rags, porn films, or Leicester City's changing rooms..

Very rarely encountered in real life, but I guess if a gent has a deep pocket the haddocks will oblige for the usual fee..

Taxi home and a bag of cheesy chips usually does it, but gents living outside of Wrexham may struggle to find willing victims easily..

Those in the Wrexham area are advised to keep the chip bags for putting over the heads of the specimens in order to "keep wood" while the procedure is being performed..

Richard was training hard on the sea-front throughout the summer season in Rhyl, ready for the Wrexham decathalon later in the year, where legends of the pork sword gather in an attempt to show their moves on the 10 haddock fish rack..

by Drex Johnson September 21, 2011

shinnie the wit

The Polite Spoonerist way of addressing Winnie The Pooh's father, the unforunately named Winnie The Shit..

Boy: "Daddy, why is Winnie the Pooh called Pooh?"

Daddy: "Because he is a little Sh.. Pooh!, but his father decided to change the family name to something less obviously turd related.. Not a particularly major change considering the fact that most folk still wonder if the name of "pooh" is in anyway related to the fact the perverted bear is naked from the waist down.."

Boy: "So, what was his father called?"..

Daddy: "erm, ... Shinnie the Wit?"

by Drex Johnson March 08, 2010

bellus terminus

Glans penis.. The knob end, bobbies helmet, poison tip, of a gentlemans pleasure pole..

Commonly known as the "bell end". The term "bellus terminus" was first used in posh private boys schools by boys who were not that good at latin..

Richard drove home in the morning back to his lovely sweet wife who he loved dearly.. Following a night of extreme pleasure with one of the promiscuous students at the local university, his marraige vows had been broken, his shaft looked like a grated carrot, and his Bellus Terminus looked like a blind cobblers thumb.. But it was worth it!

by Drex Johnson July 22, 2011

one-eyed-bed-snake

The blind organ of masculinity commonly found nestled between a gentlemans thighs that often wakes early in the morning independantly of its owner..

Gravitates towards madams dick-ditch if she should bed down with sir..

The one-eyed-bed-snake was on fine form this morning, but my wife was having none of it so I had to use my hand..

by Drex Johnson March 08, 2010

dog snot

The clear fluid that dribbles from the eye of a gentlemans pleasure pole prior to the big unloading..

So called because it is similar in taste and consistency to the stuff that leaks out of Fido's nose..

Useful for lubricating the mammaries as you thrust the man-meat between them before giving madam a pearl necklace..

Madam: "Have you cum?"..

Sir: "Not yet darling.."

Madam: "Whats that mess on me tits then?"..

Sir: "That's just dog snot dear.. Tadpole soup will be delievered shortly..

by Drex Johnson March 08, 2010