When you enter a relationship, you enter a new phase of life: Nights on the couch, gazing dreamily into your lover's eyes. Moonlit walks on the beach. Ravenous consumption of rocky road. Twenty pounds. Brunches. Love handles. Acne. Baby showers. Elastic waist pants. Alas, before you know it, your dream of relationship bliss has become a new reality: Tubs World.
Brah: "Hey brah. You surfing Saturday?
Boyfriend: "No. Lila and I are going to the farmers market and Home Depot."
Brah: (blank stare)
Boyfriend: "Tubs world."
A condition whereby cold weather, moisture and/or lack of a brassiere forge the perfect storm of mammary offensiveness: rock-hard, lumpy, chilled little mounds of flesh protruding through one's shirt like tiny gherkins.
Oh my gosh! Lindsay came to the party without a bra and she had pickled nipple all night long!
This all-encompassing term is used to describe any one of the many contagions, odors or bodily fluids that potentially fester upon a patient (typically a physical therapy patient). When a particularly rampant cold spreads through a healthcare clinic, it can often be attributed to "patient funk." When one's sweater smells like feet after a hard day's work, blame patient funk. When a foul odor wafts through the waiting room, across the gym, and into the charting room, one can be sure there is patient funk to be shared...
Thing 1: Dude, what's this brown crusty stuff on my khakis?
Thing 2: Ten bucks says it's patient funk. Hope it's not poo.
Thing 2: I've had this cough for 3 months now. WTF?
Thing 1: Yeah, you got patient funk from that shoulder patient who came in with pneumonia in January.
The mysterious chemical substance emanating from male dog owners, which surreptitiously draws unsuspecting females closer to both canine and owner. Flirtation and/or coitus frequently ensues.
The ladies been all over my nutz ever since I got this dog! It must be the furamones cuz I sure as hell aint got no tang before now!!!
A human may exist for many moons without sex, going through life's motions and barely even noticing the lack of fornication in his/her life. Indeed, once a sex-deprived individual overcomes the horniness, desperation and loneliness of celibacy, and lives long enough in absence of sex, he/she enters a new phase of acceptance and ownership of this destiny. As a camel may survive on its own supply of water in his hump, humans, too, may self-sustain in their own self-humping phase: Camel Phase.
I haven't been laid since the Bush era. I'm in camel phase by now.
Nervole = nervous butthole! This unseemly condition results from a combination of nerves, coffee and/or a weak stomach. Frequently results in flatulence, hershey squirts or frighteningly disruptive digestive noises.
As we waited outside the testing room, I could feel the nervole building..
"Side meat" is the charred (and extra flavorful) bits of meat that often fall off the sides of burgers, steaks, chicken breasts and roasted turkey. Side meat may "accidentally" make its way onto ravenous non meat-eaters' plates, where it is "accidentally" consumed amidst heaping forkfuls of quinoa and kale. Caution: excessive consumption of side meat may lead to lapsing of vegetarianism.
Vegetarian: "Oh no! I accidentally got a bite of your prime rib in with my sesame kale!"
Other person: "Stop stealing bites of side meat and just admit you like steak!"