Disvan's definitions

classmates.com

Something that started out as a good idea - a site where you can find all your old classmates, find out where they are now. Unfortunately, it's now little more than a scam site. They send you an e-mail claiming that old classmates are trying to contact you and you need to pay for a membership to see their messages (yes, you have to pay real money for a membership to actually do anything *coughcough*Club Penguin*coughcough*). Once these bitches have your credit card number, though, you're screwed. No, your old friends from seventh grade were NOT trying to contact you, and you just gave them your paycheck for nothing. They claim they'll cancel your membership but they never do. You'll probably never hear from them again. Supposedly, one time this woman named Sharon joined, and when she tried to delete her account one of the Classmates.com employees changed her first name to "FUCK YOU" and her last name to "SHARON." Thus, her profile name read "FUCK YOU SHARON." This isn't a site you should ever sign up for; if you want to find old classmates, use Facebook.

Unsurprisingly, Classmates.com has been sued twice for fraud. More likely than not, they are going to be completely bankrupt by 2013.

My friend Emily signed up for Classmates.com and found only one high school friend (who hadn't updated their profile in 2 years). She wanted to see their profile so she handed over the $59 they were charging for a gold membership. Once she realized nobody used it anymore, she e-mailed them asking to cancel her gold membership. She never got an e-mail (or her money) back.

by Disvan September 26, 2010

Alice

An awesome brunette. Always comforts you when you're down, keeps a secret, understands the importance of sisters before misters, loads of fun to be around, is your best friend and sister. Nicknamed Ali.

Who doesn't love Alice?

by Disvan November 26, 2010

angelfire

A site to host your free website, similar to Geocities and Tripod and Xanga and all that other shit. Usually involves unreadable glitter text on a neon background, 1337 all over the place, pictures that don't load, My Chemical Romance or techno music blasted at max volume, really obvious that the creator has little to no knowledge of HTML, gives you a migraine after spending 10 minutes on it...in other words, typical appearance of a 12-year-old girl's MySpace profile. Lots of Neopets, Sailor Moon, and Pokemon sites. Yeahh, nobody goes on it anymore (though it used to be quite popular).

(Thanks for the Venom by MCR starts playing loud enough to make your ears fall off)

H1 MY N@M3 15 PURPL3$P@RKL3 H@PPYGL1773R T$UK1N0-KUR@N-K1RYU 1 <3 @N1M3 MY F@V0R173 1$ R S@1L0R M00N V@MP1R3 KN1GH7 T0YK0 M3W M3W N @LL D@7 N1C3 $7UFF 1M $0 K3WL! (Text is bright yellow on an aqua background)

(insert 12 embedded YouTube videos here)

1 LYK 2 WR173 W0ND3RFUL F@NF1K71ON 4 MA @N1M3 $H0W$ H3R3 R S0M3:

(insert 4 broken links here)

1 M@Y B JU$7 11 Y3@R$ 0LD BUT @G3 1$ JU$T @ DUMB # $0 G0 F**K UR SELF! H@H@ 1 C@N $W3@R N 1 @M N0T 3V3N 0UTT@ K1ND@G@RT3N Y3T @1NT 1 @M@Z1N?

(This image or video has been moved or deleted.)

0MG!!!!!!!11 K@W@11 DE$U!!111111111111111111

7H@NK U 2 @LL MY D3@R R3@D3R$! 1 TTLY <3 ANGELFIRE!

by Disvan September 1, 2010

Daddy's credit card

What no rich, spoiled, whiny little 13-year-old brat ever goes to the mall without.

Hannah totally got that wannabe Gucci handbag at a thrift store. With Daddy's credit card, might I add.

by Disvan September 26, 2010

club penguin member

12-year-old girl who stole Daddy's credit card to buy virtual clothes for her penguin avatar on the scam known as Club Penguin. If she's not a snob who spends her weekends verbally abusing non-members, she's a pedo. Avoid her at all costs. Hell, you should probably avoid Club Penguin in general at all costs.

First, my daughter made me buy her 35 Webkinz. Then all the kids at school decided that being a Club Penguin member was cooler than Webkinz so she took my credit card and went on there and bought a membership! I was so mad!

by Disvan September 26, 2010

sisters before misters

The girl rule that your friends are always more important than your boyfriends. Basically the girl version of bros before hoes, except the title doesn't sound like an insult to women. Also, there's an unwritten sub-rule: if you catch your friend's boyfriend cheating, YOU MUST TELL HER ASAP!

Sometimes called chicks before dicks.

Amy's boyfriend was being such a jerk to her BFF, so she dumped him, even though she still really liked him. What an awesome friend Amy is, putting sisters before misters like that!

by Disvan November 26, 2010

typical day on club penguin

Immature online drama with a bunch of trolls and cyber-dating thrown in. Let's not forget all the kids going batshit over the latest pin, too.

So I went on my CP account the other day for the first time in about 4 years. Within the first five minutes, I'd been trolled, flamed, cheated on, broken up with, a thief, a hobo, a pizza delivery guy, Sonic the Hedgehog, a fake celebrity, put myself up for adoption, adopted, put-up for re-adoption by my Mwa-Mwa after she found a cuter baby, verbally abused by a bunch of 9-year-old children, had my virtual birthday party crashed...oh, and some guy told me he was Rockhopper, whoever that is. Yep, typical day on Club Penguin!

by Disvan September 26, 2010