Dick Onchin's definitions

Rail Fail

Getting her horned up to a sloppy wet state for an absolute railing and gut rearrangement only to disappoint her, and yourself for that matter, by failing to achieve an erection and deliver. Usually results in self loathing while watching her flick the bean.

A bottle of Jack was the perfect recipe last night for a rail fail.

I was so horny and ready to just get railed but my uncle drank too much and was like flopping gummy and a real rail fail.

I had to flick my bean to a toe curling orgasm after daddy did a rail fail.

by Dick Onchin October 17, 2020

Bob and Duke

When she or he is on all fours, slobbing and bobbing ravenously on your engorged, rigid knob all while they simultaneously drop a long, juicy turd that lands on the floor with a notable soft thud.

I can’t help but bust a thick nut every time she does the Bob and Duke.

We couldn’t make it back to the hotel room so we did a Bob and Duke in the fire escape.

by Dick Onchin November 2, 2020

Marker Tipper

A post shit wipe job that seemingly never wipes clean. No matter how many wipes, the paper looks like a magic marker tip is peeking out your ass and streaking the toilet paper. Eventually, you just give up and except it won’t be completely clean.

Man it never fails. I was in a hurry and took a quick shit. Ended up with a marker tipper and spent 15 minutes wiping myself raw. Finally gave up.

The marker tipper I had ended up also leaving skid marks in my boxers.

by Dick Onchin December 7, 2020

Bunny Clit

A clitoris that is so sensitive she starts bouncing and hopping the second you touch it or lick it.

Rachel got that bunny clit. I gave it a kick and she kicked the lamp off the night stand.

I had to tie her to the bed posts cause she got that bunny clit.

by Dick Onchin September 9, 2020

Uncle Herschel's Favorite

Bending a lucky lady, or man, over the tabletop at the local Craker Barrel and pounding down on brown town and shouting "I'm back baby". All while enjoying a delicious breakfast of two eggs, a savory breakfast meat, two delicious sides and a hearty helping of biscuits and gravy off the small of their back.

I sure feel sorry for the bus boy that is going to be cleaning up that table after just witnessing the sloppiest Uncle Herschel's Favorite I have ever seen. Let's just say that is not gravy on the floor.

by Dick Onchin August 28, 2025

Steamed Crumpet

Dropping a juicy, ripe, musky turd in the gym steam room, cranking the heat and then heading for the showers.

It was as if a demon had sucked the air out of old Dorian’s lungs when he stepped into the steam room and was over come by the vaporous fog of Cedric’s steamed crumpet.

by Dick Onchin February 5, 2023

Armadillo Chew

A male lays on his back, naked, bringing the legs toward the chest and rolling into an armadillo like balled up position. This opens up and exposes a wonderful erogenous playground known as the taint or grundle. However, in many cases, the male’s saggy scrotum will remain dangling and covering the taint area. Therefore, the sack must be peeled back and lifted upward and often held. Once in this position, the taint is orally copulated and stimulated by the male’s partner. Oral stimulation is typically performed in a ravenous and vigorous manner similar to that of an old toothless person attempting to chew on a piece of steak.

Options during this time include insertion of a digit into the anus and/or a simultaneous tug job.

I shaved my taint today. I’m expecting an armadillo chew tonight when the old lady gets home from her girls night out.

My taint is a bit puffy and red today from the armadillo chew I got last night. She was gnawing on that skin like a piece of flank steak.

by Dick Onchin October 3, 2020