Cuntoleezza Rice's definitions

Mormon Trail

A skidmark often found in Mormon Underwear. This is a very common phenomena, as Mormons are not allowed to remove their undies and eventually dig deep while scratching their ass.

Jacob tried to avoid leaving a Mormon Trail by placing Mormon Panty Liners in his buttcrack. Unfortunately he enjoyed the sensation a little too much and woke up one morning with Mormon Crotch.

by Cuntoleezza Rice May 16, 2008

Mormon Panty Liners

Special Holy sanitary pads used by Mormon women to protect their Mormon Underwear from "the curse". These are sometimes also used by Mormon men to avoid being embarrassed by Mormon Crotch.

1. Naomi didn't want the class to know she would be unclean for a week, so she used Mormon Panty Liners to hide the shameful stain.

2. Upon seeing his 13-year-old bride, Jeremiah immediately developed Mormon Crotch. Fortunately he had planned ahead, and taped a Mormon Panty Liner over his throbbing member prior to the wedding.

by Cuntoleezza Rice May 12, 2008

anusthetic

A soothing mixture of cocaine and vaseline that Fred Phelps sticks up his ass before sitting on a highway cone or other large object. See Goatse.

Westboro Baptist Church pastor Fred Phelps was at a God Hates Fags rally and asked me to find him some anusthetic. Not content with a simple crucifuck or normal act of pastorbation, he had developed an urgent need to shove something very large up his poop chute.

by Cuntoleezza Rice June 4, 2008

pastorbation

Masturbation by a priest while hearing an especially steamy confession.

From the rustling and heavy breathing I could tell pastorbation was occurring just beyond the confessional wall.

by Cuntoleezza Rice November 10, 2006

iPad

A sanitary pad that contains an embedded MP3 player.

Ann Coulter loved it when her time of the month came around and she could listen to tunes on her iPad.

by Cuntoleezza Rice October 23, 2009

cuntraband

Illicit items concealed in the vagina.

The drug-sniffing dog continued to sniff the woman's crotch, revealing the cuntraband.

by Cuntoleezza Rice November 10, 2006

prostitoad

An unusually fat and ugly hooker.

Wow! You mean Miss Thing is a prostitoad? I'm surprised she can GIVE it away.

by Cuntoleezza Rice January 31, 2007