Cuntoleezza Rice's definitions

rapturebate

1. To masturbate while thinking about the Rapture, Mark of the Beast, Great Whore of Babylon, etc.

2. To diddle one's ass while imagining getting Rapture Fucked by Harold Camping.

1. As Rick Santorum stood in the shower thinking about the Rapture his hands moved slowly downward and he began to Rapturebate. He imagined finally being able to tap the Jesus Hole. Yes he knew the Lord was coming soon. Yes coming. coming soon, coming soon...

2. Renowned felcher Pat Robertson stuck four fingers up his saggy old prison wallet and dreamed of his favorite fantasy Sodomy Clown, Harold Camping.

by Cuntoleezza Rice November 13, 2011

ClaMedia

Having one's clam exposed in the media.

Britney left in a hurry, neglecting to put on her Magic Underwear. As she exited the limo, the paparazzi exposed her to ClaMedia, causing an epidemic of Mormon Crotch at BYU.

by Cuntoleezza Rice May 16, 2008

cunteloupe

A melon used as a masturbatory device. See melonball.

The man gravy inside revealed that the watermelon had been used as a cunteloupe.

by Cuntoleezza Rice January 19, 2007

fornicaterer

A party planner who provides both food and sexual favors for the guests.

Q. Whio was that pimp at your party?

A. That was no pimp, that was my fornicaterer, you tardbaby. He was serving whors d'oeuvres and quiche. In addition he could also proved an excellent crucifuck or colostofuck or set you up with a skilled Abominatrix.

Everyone in his stable is carefully screened. There’s not a prostitoad in the bunch and you won’t have to hide your valuables in your prison wallet or treat them as cuntraband. You’ll remain ClaMedia-free.

Now twaddle on home and play with your cunteloupe

by Cuntoleezza Rice April 18, 2010

tampon tea

Tea made from a used tampon, as depicted in Catherine Breillat's 2004 film, Anatomy of Hell.

"This might go better with some crumpets", he exclaimed as he sipped the tampon tea.

by Cuntoleezza Rice February 4, 2007

Osama Bin Gettinany

A sexually frustated terrorist that nobody will fuck.

FRED PHELPS: Hey Osama! Bin Gettinany?
OSAMA BIN GETTINANY: No Fred Phelch, how 'bout a rimjob you assbreff?

by Cuntoleezza Rice May 18, 2008

pastorbation

Masturbation by a priest while hearing an especially steamy confession.

From the rustling and heavy breathing I could tell pastorbation was occurring just beyond the confessional wall.

by Cuntoleezza Rice November 10, 2006