Bottom Ford's definitions

independently destitute

Describes an unemployed friend who always has time for fun. This friend has a taste for luxury, but no money.

What does Bottom do for a living?
Nothing, man. He’s independently destitute.

by Bottom Ford June 12, 2009

Mill Creek, WA

The world’s best hiding place. You would never go there expecting to find someone interesting. Zero stalkers. Zero paparazzi. Zero vampires.

“I heard Matt Damon bought a house in Mill Creek, WA.”
“Smart move. No one will look for him there.”

by Bottom Ford May 4, 2010

mattress worship

Refers to the decision to stay in bed when you are too tired to get up and go to church.

“Bottom doesn’t go to church; he prefers mattress worship.”

by Bottom Ford April 18, 2010

Begmore

1. A utopian distiller of single-malt scotch that would be located on the Isle of Islay if it existed.

2. A figurative single-malt scotch that, when consumed by house pets, causes them to demand more treats and attention than they deserve.

“Your dog won't keep his nose out of my dinner. He’s been hitting the Begmore too hard.”

by Bottom Ford January 4, 2010

micro hobby

A hobby you spend hardly any time on, but that you claim because you bought the gear.

Bottom says he’s taken up bodyboarding, but it’s just a vacation micro hobby.

by Bottom Ford September 29, 2010

Scotch-tape skies

A weather condition frequently seen in family photographs of a certain age, brought on by the ill-considered use of Scotch tape in scrapbooks and picture frames.

I found a photograph of Grandma sitting in her roadster under Scotch-tape skies.

by Bottom Ford January 2, 2010

hand hula

A dance you can do with your hands while sitting at a stop light.

When Teenage Dream came on I wanted to jump out of my seat, but because I was driving I had to settle for the hand hula.

by Bottom Ford August 25, 2010