Designer China Vagina

An expensive and often quite painful surgical procedure where the vagina is rotated 90 degrees so as to resemble a Chinese person’s slitty eyes. Functionally this is of no benefit and can often result in several serious health complications, but by golly it’s funny to look at.

George: ‘Hey beautiful, are you a boy or a girl?’
Thai hooker: ‘As of last week I’m a girl- I got a designer China vagina!’
George (popping a viagra and unbuckling furiously): ‘Buckle up..’

by Anonymous submissions April 24, 2025

Defecate deficit

Constipated or bunged up.

'Dude, this defecate deficit is still going strong- I've eaten a kilo of prunes and still no joy. The poor toilet is going to look like Hiroshima when it does finally come. Desperate times require desperate measures so I'm thinking I probably need to gouge it out with a long narrow implement. That reminds me, you should buy a new toothbrush..'

by Anonymous submissions January 4, 2017

Christmas Angel

1. An ornament of religious origin that traditionally sits atop a Christmas tree
2. To get your pine so far up an angelic looking girl's clacker that she starts seeing circles

'Hey bro, you know that hot nun from the convent? Well I bought her a couple of mulled wines last night before taking her home and making her into a Christmas Angel. If fucking a nun doesn't clear up these herpes then surely nothing will.

by Anonymous submissions December 6, 2016

Day in loo

Similar to an unauthorised day in lieu, where one spends the day in a work cubicle playing phone games, searching for porn and thinking about urban dictionary definitions.

Boss: 'Are you taking another day in loo then, David?'
David: 'How'd you know, Boss?'
Boss: 'Partly because you missed the big meeting, but mainly cause you're absolutely covered in jizz, you reprobate'

by Anonymous submissions May 13, 2019

refined sugar

Sugar that has been to finishing school and now thinks it’s somehow superior to everyday sugar

Everyday sugar: ‘It’s my round mate, can I get you a pint?’
Refined sugar: ‘Can you ask the fine barkeep if he has any champagne from 1956? That was a truly delectable vintage.’
Everyday sugar: ‘Are you aware of how much of a massive cunt you actually are?’

by Anonymous submissions March 31, 2023

Interrogaytion

An interrogation whereby the interrogator uses ostentatious homosexual behaviour as a means to elicit a confession from a perpetrator.

Interrogator: (completing an interpretive dance routine to 'It's raining men,' whilst dressed in pink hotpants, staring provocatively and deep-throating a banana)
'I can do this all night, sugar pea..'

Perpetrator: 'Okay, okay. I confess, I confess! I did it. Just please make this interrogaytion stop..and kindly remove your penis from my anus.'

by Anonymous submissions February 1, 2017

Labia lady tonight

The original title for the Frank Sinatra classic; 'Luck, be a lady tonight.' The title was changed after producers found that focus groups struggled to relate to lyrics about a woman comprised almost entirely of cuntflaps.

Frank (singing in studio): 'Labia lady tonight, your beef curtains gave me a fright'
Producer: 'Ahhh, Frank, those lyrics really aren't doing it for me- I think fans will struggle to relate to a woman with engorged labia'
Frank: (farts disapprovingly)

by Anonymous submissions December 31, 2016