Similar to an unauthorised day in lieu, where one spends the day in a work cubicle playing phone games, searching for porn and thinking about urban dictionary definitions.
Boss: 'Are you taking another day in loo then, David?'
David: 'How'd you know, Boss?'
Boss: 'Partly because you missed the big meeting, but mainly cause you're absolutely covered in jizz, you reprobate'
David: 'How'd you know, Boss?'
Boss: 'Partly because you missed the big meeting, but mainly cause you're absolutely covered in jizz, you reprobate'
by Anonymous submissions May 13, 2019
1. An ornament of religious origin that traditionally sits atop a Christmas tree
2. To get your pine so far up an angelic looking girl's clacker that she starts seeing circles
2. To get your pine so far up an angelic looking girl's clacker that she starts seeing circles
'Hey bro, you know that hot nun from the convent? Well I bought her a couple of mulled wines last night before taking her home and making her into a Christmas Angel. If fucking a nun doesn't clear up these herpes then surely nothing will.
by Anonymous submissions December 06, 2016
Constipated or bunged up.
'Dude, this defecate deficit is still going strong- I've eaten a kilo of prunes and still no joy. The poor toilet is going to look like Hiroshima when it does finally come. Desperate times require desperate measures so I'm thinking I probably need to gouge it out with a long narrow implement. That reminds me, you should buy a new toothbrush..'
by Anonymous submissions January 04, 2017
'Dude, I was so categorically wankerfied last night I tried to force feed my Nan my penis. That's why I always find the combination of open bar and open casket at the wake particularly dangerous.'
by Anonymous submissions December 19, 2017
A slant (pun intended) on the traditional statistical feature of standard deviation whereby the sexual deviance levels of an Asian male can be predicted by positive linear equation, as they are largely constant
'What is it about being a standard deviantAsian? Here I was minding my own business enjoying a spot of inoccuous Japanese porn in the work toilet cubicle on my lunch break when the whole thing inevitably descended into a bukkake fest. It was terribly off-putting. Those crazy Asians like filth nearly as much as they like rice and foot binding'
by Anonymous submissions December 30, 2016
A type of light entertainment that can be incorporated onto the Christmas table to add a bit of 'bang' to the traditional festive banquet. A smuttier and more entertaining alternative to the routine Christmas cracker, yet more prone to leave the operator with a bevy of sexually transmitted infections.
'Who wants to do this Christmas crackwhore with me? I'd go halvesies with Grandpa again, only last time we shared a Christmas crackwhore the bang gave him a stroke, and now his entire left side is more flaccid than Stephen Hawking's penis
by Anonymous submissions December 06, 2016
When a woman decides to abstain from sausage and become a vaginatarian, or when a homosexual male sees the light at the end of the tunnel (pun intended) and reverts to penetrating front bums.
'So I went muff diving on my friend Karen yesterday after the Madonna concert and I have to say, it was delightful; I'm cuntverted. Now the bullies can't call me 'Johnny Johnny fat gay twat' anymore, for as of today I am 'Johnny Johnny fat heterosexual twat with fabulous dress sense''
by Anonymous submissions March 09, 2017