Pedrosa von Beagle's definitions

Tossometer

An imaginary device that measures how truly dire something is.

Guy1: "Get a load of my new Hawaian shirt - it rocks!"
Guy2: "Sorry dude, it's a ten on the tossometer."

by Pedrosa von Beagle May 8, 2006

Haslet

The name of the Great Smoked Pork Lion in the book "The Lying Bitch & Her Wardrobe". He is the guardian of the enchanted land of Yawnia.

Haslet, The King of Beastly Snacks, opened his mighty jaws and belched. The mighty wind of His great eructation bent every tree in Yawnia, and the aroma of smoked ham covered the enchanted land.

by Pedrosa von Beagle November 15, 2006

pop a socket

The result of over-enthusiastic weight training or body-building. When you just had to do that extra rep at 250 pounds but should have known better, and pop your shoulder out of its socket as a result.

Jason: "No. I'm OK! I can do one more rep!"
Pete: "Jason, that's 36 stone you're pressing!
Jason: "I'm OK! I can do it. Hnnnnnggghhhhahhhhrrrgggg!"
Pete: "What ? What's the matter???!!!!??"
Jason: "Sheeee-it! My shoulders!"
Pete: "That's the way to pop a socket!"

by Pedrosa von Beagle September 8, 2006

Quantus theory

The concept that it's much better to emigrate to Australia than live in a tired and rather shabby looking United Kingdom. The theory sounds great, but is complicated by the Drongo Uncertainty Principle, in which you either live in Australia but realise it's not as great as you thought it would be (which usually occurs when the deadly finger-web spider bites you on the funnel) OR you're in the UK, it's cold, wet, and dismal, and you've just been mugged for your mobile phone, and so you dream of an idyllic life in the sun playing with large friendly marsupials (known as 'Ozzies').

In the UK:
Gerald: 'That Johnny in the hooded top just beat me up and took my phone!'
Edward: 'Ahhhh! Playing with the Ozzies in the balmy climes of Australia would be so much better!'
Gerald: 'Ahhh! Quantus theory!'
------------------------------------
Simultaneously in Australia:
Tadger: 'Bollocks mate! I just got bit on the funnel by a finger-web spider!'
Johnno: 'No wucking furries mate, we'll move to England.'
Tadger: 'Rack off! That's just Quantus theory!'

by Pedrosa von Beagle September 10, 2008

Yawnia

The enchanted land of talking creatures, magic, adventure, double entendres, and metrosexual ambiguityland in the book "The Lying Bitch & Her Wardrobe". A politically incorrect version of Narnia with creatures like Mr. Numbnuts the Faun, Skeppy the Bosche Kangaroo and the Scouse Beaver, And of course, the bootylicious White Bitch. Haslet the Smoked Pork Lion is all that stands between the Bitch and Yawnia.

'...you will meet a scent-whore who will guide you.’
Lacy clapped her hands in delight.
‘You mean a creature that is half man half horse?’ she asked excitedly, as this was her first trip to Yawnia.

by Pedrosa von Beagle November 16, 2006

tossometer

An imaginary device that measures how truly dire something is.

Guy1: "Get a load of my new Hawaian shirt - it rocks!"
Guy2: "Sorry dude, it's a ten on the tossometer."

by Pedrosa von Beagle July 31, 2008

Zimmer Jockey

A person of age who requires the use of a walking frame to get around, bless them.

A Zimmer Jockey includes great-grannies and grandads. It's great to watch a multi-rider race when the tea-trolley arrives. It's 2 Fast 2 Furious but in slow motion, without the wheels and speed. Lester Piggott may one day be the greatest zimmer jocky of all time.

by Pedrosa von Beagle February 15, 2009