The uncontrollable urge to conduct a Google search on any and every question, thought, concept, word or name that comes to mind, including new acquaintances, products and companies.

The temporary increase in self importance that individuals assign to themselves while waiting at airports.

Future passengers suffering from the airport effect often portray more serious facial expressions, increase their cell phone speaking volume if discussing business matters, and perform fake work on their laptop near heavily populated areas.

When someone draws a penis and testes, dick and scrote, or cock and balls on a possession of yours, most typically a car. The 'drawing' can be birthed from a finger wiping through dirt, sharpie marker, DNA, or anything else that would commonly be regarded as hilarious.

Unwanted, non-personal email received from a family member, friend or colleague.

Granny spam has usually been forwarded several times and concerns such inane topics as childish jokes, dubious political propaganda, spurious computer security alerts or claims of monetary recompense in exchange for forwarding of said spam.

Subject lines are often of the form "FW: FW: FW: FW: bullshit"

Origin: Usenet, circa 1990-1999.

When you approach an Associate in a Big Box Store and request directions to an item or a department, the Associate will "guide" you to the location, using a very specific, walk style. They will walk in front of you and their pace is slowed down, similar to being the first car in a motorcade.

Someone who gets sleepy or passes out shortly after starting to read.

Having the ability to masturbate successfully with both hands.