StormSworder's definitions

scorpion

Arachnids with lobster-like pincers and tails bearing stingers. Scorpions have existed for a long time (the oldest known fossils are 400 million years old, and some early scorpions were much bigger than those of today - the fossilized Brontoscorpio and Gigantoscorpio are estimated to have been a metre long each in life). Scorpions possess a pair of feather-like forms under their stomachs which they use to 'feel' the ground for vibrations which could tell of nearby predators or prey. When mating, the male scorpion grasps the female by the pincers, deposits a 'package' of sperm onto the ground and then pulls the female over it, so she can lower herself and absorb it through an opening in her body. Despite their fearsome reputation, scorpions are not all dangerous. In fact many, like the Emperor Scorpions from West Africa and Black Forest Scorpions from Asia are harmless. A way of determining as to whether a scorpion may be dangerous is to look at its pincers. Harmless scorpions like Emperors and Black Forests have large strong pincers and relatively small tails. At the other end of the scale are the dreaded Fat-tail Scorpions, which have small, slender pincers and large muscular tails which can drive their deadly stingers through shoes. Scorpions exist in tropical, desert and scrubland environments.

Emperor Scorpions, Redclaw Scorpions, Black Forest Scorpions, Egyptian Gold Scorpions - all harmless, as I can assure you since I've kept them as pets in the past.
I'd just like to mention Spike, the grandmother of my family of Emperor Scorpions (now sadly all deceased). RIP Spike.

by StormSworder August 14, 2006

justice

Something only people who can afford it ever get. This generally involves lawyers in court playing word games and generally twisting everything the accused/victim/witness says. That's assuming the case even reaches court. Thanks to the Con party, the UK legal system is burdened down by the CPS (that's Criminal Protection Service) who tie the police up with red tape, give them countless pointless forms to fill in and generally make sure as few cases as possible reach court.

Mother: "It's about time you stopped believing in Father Christmas, the Tooth Fairy, fairies at the bottom of the garden and monsters under the bed".
Son: "But they're all real!"
Mother: "And then there's justice".
Son: "Oh come on. I stopped believing in that when I was about four and a half.

by Stormsworder November 23, 2006

vagina

Female genetalia. Has an opening in which the male penis can be inserted. Is also the opening through which the baby leaves the female body. When sexually aroused, the vagina becomes moist allowing easier penetration.

Biology teacher: "Can anyone tell me the function of the vagina?"

Schoolboy sniggering from all around.

by Stormsworder April 3, 2007

cd-r

CD-Rs are shiny disc-shaped objects which are sold in packs of about fifty. Once purchased, they can be used as bird-tables, wheels for large toy cars, hula-hoop rings your pet stick insect can use to keep itself in shape or things you can twirl around on top of sticks like in kids' variety shows. They can also be instrumental for your survival. If you are ever attacked by a T-Rex or other dangerous flesh-eating dinosaur, use the shiny surface of the CD-R to reflect the sunlight into its eyes. This will dazzle the beast and allow you valuable time to escape.

Note: CD-Rs are not for use with any kind of computer. If you put one in the disc drive and try to save any documents or data on it, you'll get a message telling you to insert a disc in the disc drive. That means the kind of disc which can be recorded on. These kinds of discs are currently on sale in most good stores on the planet Arcturus 3, or you can order them from Merlin's Mystic Store of Magic (ask for Harry).

by Stormsworder October 16, 2007

creationism

This is a belief which was invented to explain why we are all here. Basically it states that the world was created by some greater being (God). But then who created God? The theory of Creationsim falls flat through stating the Earth is thousands of years old, despite the fact it was proved to be billions of years old through scientific research. Creationists mock the theory of evolution and condemn the teaching of evolution at school. Evolution seems like the most sensible theory to me. Ah, but then howcome there are so many gaps in the evolutionary pathway? For one thing, it is a real fluke that an animal survives in fossil form, a billion-to-one chance requiring exactly the right geological conditions. Yes, we have a lot of skeletons in museums, but they are nothing when you consider how many animals have existed over the history of time. For another thing, it has been suggested that evolution takes place in jumps rather than gradually (a new, more evolved species suddenly starts appearing, gradualy takes over the older species). As for the teaching of evolution at school, it is taught as a theory. You don't have to believe in it. On the other hand, teaching Creationism at school involves indoctrinating children. I still remember being told that "God is always watching us and can punish us if we act or think wrongly". It makes me laugh when certain Creationists complain about CCTV cameras everywhere or the government spying on us all. Beliefs like Creationism were the Big Brother and the CCTV cameras of their day, were used to control the working classes. Now George W Bush is talking about teaching Creationism in schools in the USA instead of evolution. I can't help feeling all he really wants to do is create a brainwashed army to fight a religious war against Muslims.

A certain Creationism-believing journalist equates anyone who believes in evolution with genocidal murderers, tells us how narrow-minded they are. That's funny, because the religious people I've met are some of the most narrow-minded, snobbish, hypoctrical bigots I've ever had the misfortune the come across.

by Stormsworder December 7, 2006

George Bush

George W Bush is a man who has made more false claims about his past than Jeffrey Archer. When he was governer of Texas he sent the state police out to arrest peaceful demonstrators. His company 'quietly' bought up over 200 anti-Bush Internet domain names. He has given large amounts of state money to repay certain people for contributing large amounts of cash to his campaign and to repay others for making him personally rich through insider business deals. He made personal profits from failing oil companies, sold 60% of his oil stock for over $840,000 two months before Kuwait was invaded (how very well timed!) and he used government coercion to make him a private fortune. He and his lapdog Blair have between them brought us to the brink of global war, have taken away rights in the name of anti-terrorism whilst doing nothing about the real terrorists. After the capture of Saddam (whose trial is a ridiculous farce, with the ex-dictator running rings around everyone), it's now been realised that Saddam was the only thing keeping Iran in check. Let's be honest, the only mistake Saddam made was invading a country which supplied America with cheap oil. Our 'allies' in the Gulf Wars themselves have terrible human rights records and have invaded other countries. Every time Bush opens his mouth I wonder what half-educated Stan Laurel-type blitherings are going to come out of it next. George W Bush is the final proof, if any were needed, that the world is run by big business and not politicians, and big businessmen don't want anyone with an IQ in power in case he starts thinking for himself.

George Bush: "People misunderestimate me".
"More and more of our imports are coming from a abroad"
"That was the most logical and common sensical thing to do"

by StormSworder August 13, 2006

scum

A sub-species which is becoming all too common in the UK thanks to the dumbing down of the education system and the fact that the police spend their time either filling in paperwork or going after motorists. Examples of scum can be found everywhere, from the highest to the lowest parts of society. Politicians, big businessmen and the like are more corrupt and self-serving than ever. In the town where I live, psychiatrists have walked away from causing serious head injuries and from telling their patients they're possessed by ghosts. Meanwhile, it is dangerous to go out onto the streets after dark in many towns or cities. This is mainly due to brain-dead head-bangers who patrol the streets looking for prey, doing in gangs or or in pairs what they wouldn't have the guts to do on their own. Most people grow out of schoolboy-type behaviour, but there is a certain breed who seem unable to do so. They remain as yobs well into late middle-age and beyond. Indeed, I was minding my own business when someone started hooting their car-horn at me. When I gave them the finger, they stopped their car (at a crossroad, causing a hold-up). I was then threatened by some fat old git in dungarees. When I failed to be scared by his threat, he threatened me again but this time added an 'f-word', as though that made him sound scarier or more grown-up. I still failed to be scared, and he gave up and went on his way. People like this deserve only pity. And that's another thing. Scum of all ages seem to think swearing is both grown-up and the height of comedy. Their world-beaters are all over public toilet walls, galvanised-metal lamp posts and the like. They also shout things from cars as they drive by, big brave men that they are. Their girlfriends are usually brainless bimbos who think crime is glamorous and are turned on by thuggish behaviour.

New Labour are going to start coming down hard on scum. They're going to get women in black leather to come to parliament and give all the NL MPs a good spanking.

by Stormsworder October 25, 2006