StormSworder's definitions
The UK postal system is, like just about everything else in the UK after the socialist/communist/annarchist revolution here (not to mention the privatisation of the postal system courtesy of some money-minded old Tory crook), the laughing stock of the world. Important parcels and letters frequently go missing. I must have lost thousands of pounds worth of goods in the post in the last seven years, and it's not really surprising given that the postal workers of today don't seem to care a fig about their customers. Last year, for example, I was out when a parcel was delivered, so the parcel was returned to the depot. But, instead of making a record of it, the postman involved had simply thrown it in some storage warehouse and nobody knew where it was. It was only through persistence that it didn't join the other items which seem to be gone forever. Whilst I was in the depot, there was a woman complaining about a postman who'd forced a parcel of hers through her letterbox and, as a result, the contents of it (photos) had all been bent out of shape. I'm forever getting complaints from irate people who've never received the cheques I've sent. One of my Dad's friends used to be a postal worker and apparently, when the sacks of letters are emptied, there's always a few left behind which are disregarded. Smaller post offices are constantly being closed as centralisation takes over. You might as well just put your letter in a bottle and throw it in the nearest river.
Seller: "Where's my cheque gone?"
Buyer: "I sent it three weeks ago, but unfortunately I was stupid enough to trust the UK's postal system, so it's probably in the bin by now".
Buyer: "I sent it three weeks ago, but unfortunately I was stupid enough to trust the UK's postal system, so it's probably in the bin by now".
by Stormsworder November 23, 2006
Get the postalmug. Supposedly the 'new' Barbie, these dolls, with their plastered-on make-up, their sly expressions and their scanty clothing seem to represent a rather unpleasant trend. We are, after all, living in a society which is determined to take innocence away from youngsters. Children are encouraged to dress like miniature hookers from earlier ages than ever, and toys like Bratz dolls are doing nothing to stop the creation of a generation of girls who think sex is the only thing that matters in any relationship.
There are no end of little girls dressed like Bratz dolls. And have you ever wondered what goes on in the minds of people who design tarty underwear for nine-year-old girls?
by Stormsworder February 21, 2007
Get the bratzmug. Unelected Prime Minister of the UK who became PM by some kind of divine appointment and proceded to hand over any power left in the country to a load of unelected sharks in the EU. When he was chancellor, Brown squandered money like it was going out of style. He wasted billions on illegal invasions, stupid pet projects like the Dome, employing a legion of civil servants and quangos, and sold Britain's gold reserves when the value of gold was at an all-time low. He ended up taxing everyone to death and raiding pensions. Basically he has always wanted the job of PM, isn't bothered in the slightest if he has no idea of what he's supposed to do. Now the likes of Milliband are sharpening their knives, waiting to steal his crown, but to be honest he has nothing to worry about. His party is just a collection of gutless no-hopers who between them couldn't run a bath.
If I was a parent or teacher and I saw Gordon Brown coming towards the school playground grinning that grin of his I think I'd call the police.
by Stormsworder October 17, 2008
Get the Gordon Brownmug. Bogey or bogie has several meanings including:
A: Bodily mucus in the nostrils.
B: A golf score.
C: Nickname for American actor Humphrey Bogart.
D: Chassis or framework holding the wheels of a train.
A: Bodily mucus in the nostrils.
B: A golf score.
C: Nickname for American actor Humphrey Bogart.
D: Chassis or framework holding the wheels of a train.
by Stormsworder April 5, 2009
Get the Bogeymug. 1: To put money in a bank.
2: To rely on something or someone. (eg: I was banking on this happening).
3: A building where they charge you a fortune for the least little thing (eg: £30 to tell you you're overdrawn). I went in one bank for an international money order. The women who dealt with them (no-one else was allowed the keys to the desk with the IMOs in) had gone to lunch, wouldn't be back for another fifteen minutes. So, after a lot of hanging around the town centre, I went back to the bank only to find they didn't have any remaining IMOs. Given that IMOs are pieces of paper with printed writing on them which the bank sell for £8 each, I'm sure it can't be a case of them not being able to afford more with the profits they make (given that they also employ as few people as possible to keep their profits up). They'll have some more IMOs 'soon'. Whether that means tomorrow, next week, next month or next year I don't know. But you'd think they'd order more IMOs when they're running low on them, not wait until after they've run out.
2: To rely on something or someone. (eg: I was banking on this happening).
3: A building where they charge you a fortune for the least little thing (eg: £30 to tell you you're overdrawn). I went in one bank for an international money order. The women who dealt with them (no-one else was allowed the keys to the desk with the IMOs in) had gone to lunch, wouldn't be back for another fifteen minutes. So, after a lot of hanging around the town centre, I went back to the bank only to find they didn't have any remaining IMOs. Given that IMOs are pieces of paper with printed writing on them which the bank sell for £8 each, I'm sure it can't be a case of them not being able to afford more with the profits they make (given that they also employ as few people as possible to keep their profits up). They'll have some more IMOs 'soon'. Whether that means tomorrow, next week, next month or next year I don't know. But you'd think they'd order more IMOs when they're running low on them, not wait until after they've run out.
by Stormsworder November 16, 2006
Get the bankmug. A power-mad dwarf who is the enemy of the popular video game character Crash Bandicoot. He is bald with a black beard and an 'N' on his forehead (it's never made clear whether the 'N' is a tattoo or some kind of metal plate). When he was a child, Cortex attended the Academy of Evil where he was mercilessly bullied by the other children and by the tyrannical headmistress Madame Amberley. From an early age he developed a love of torturing and experimenting on animals. In later life he became a scientist, but was ridiculed and shunned by the scientific world for his outlandish ideas. So he enlisted the help of N.Brio, another outcast scientist, in his plan to take over the world and avenge himself against all those people who had mocked him all his life. N.Brio had built the Evolvo-Ray, a machine which could cause rapid evolution in animals. Cortex took control of it, set about turning animals into an army of soldiers. Crash Bandicoot was one of the animals he used the Evolvo-Ray on, but there was a malfunction and Crash escaped, soon became his enemy. After many defeats at the hands of Crash, his sister Coco and a mask containing the spirit of a witch-doctor, Cortex is still obsessed with ruling the world. But first he intends to destroy Crash Bandicoot....
Dr Neo Cortex: Crash, Crash, Crash. Why must you always muck in my mud? Oh look, I have a mask helping me too! We will see which one is more powerful soon enough!
by StormSworder August 13, 2006
Get the Dr Neo Cortexmug. One of evolution's greatest success stories. There are spiders all over the world, and the oldest known fossil spider is 380 million years old. Spiders are eight-legged and carnivorous, use silk in a variety of ways depending on the species. Many spin cobwebs to catch prey, larger spiders line the edge of their burrows with web. The bolas spider is named because it throws a line of web ending in a sticky lump to catch prey. Spiders inspire fear and revulsion, quite undeserved, but probably not helped by years of movies telling us spiders are humanity's enemies. Schools are not much more helpful. I still remember a science teacher telling us a black widow was the size of a human hand, which is rubbish. There are some dangerously venomous spiders, like widow spiders, funnelweb spiders, brown recluse spiders and brazilian wandering spiders, but they are a tiny minority of the huge number of spiders in the world. Just to drag some widely-held beliefs into the light of reality:
1: Spiders are not watching you. Most, apart from some jumping spiders, have very poor eyesight.
2: Spiders do not come out of plug-holes. A spider in the bath has fallen down there and can't get out due to the bath's slippery sides.
3: Large hairy spiders are not automatically dangerous. In fact nobody has ever died from a tarantula bite.
4: Women are not automatically scared of spiders. In fact most of the calls the British Tarantula Society gets regarding fear of spiders are from worried men.
1: Spiders are not watching you. Most, apart from some jumping spiders, have very poor eyesight.
2: Spiders do not come out of plug-holes. A spider in the bath has fallen down there and can't get out due to the bath's slippery sides.
3: Large hairy spiders are not automatically dangerous. In fact nobody has ever died from a tarantula bite.
4: Women are not automatically scared of spiders. In fact most of the calls the British Tarantula Society gets regarding fear of spiders are from worried men.
Hysterical person: Help! I saw a spider! I'm not going to bed! It might be there waiting for me!
Other person: What makes you think any self-respecting spiders would want to get into your bed?
Other person: What makes you think any self-respecting spiders would want to get into your bed?
by StormSworder August 15, 2006
Get the spidermug.