StormSworder's definitions

fouling the pavement

1: What people continue to let their dogs do despite so-called laws.

2: What the council do by putting up all those hideous new lamp posts (usually featureless metal posts with shapeless lumps of plastic on top of them, resembling giant golf clubs). Thanks to carefree, penny-pinching councils, we now have old town and village centres looking like football pitches full of floodlights. We also have landfill sights struggling to cope with the thousands of perfectly good lamp posts which have been removed due to pointless rules and regulations.

Howcome the council don't get fined for fouling the pavement. Go away and take your cheap rubbish with you.

by Stormsworder October 25, 2006

Dr N.Gin

N.Gin is a character in the Crash Bandicoot series of video games. He first appeared in Crash Bandicoot 2, as the right-hand-man of the power-mad Dr Neo Cortex. He is a physicist who, with his mech-suits, has played the part of end-of-area boss in some of the Crash games. He has been playable in the racing games Crash Team Racing, Crash Nitro Kart and Crash Tag Team Racing. Physically he is a short, squat ginger-haired man dressed in some kind of white coat with what look like metal studs. Half his head is metallic. This came about due to one of his own missiles going wrong and hitting him in the head. Due to his scientific prowess he was able to stop it exploding. In Crash Tag Team Racing he is dressed like a goth, and his vocalisations whenever Crash hits him have led to some people suggesting he is a massochist (although he could just be mocking Crash's attempts to hurt him).

I'm off to the governmnent's meeting on world peace. Maybe I'll bump into Dr N.Gin.

by Stormsworder December 20, 2006

sea monster

Ever since the human race took to the high seas there have been stories of unidentified sea monsters. Even in this age of science, there are still sightings of sea beasts which go unexplained. Many sightings, I'm certain, can be explained away by giant squid, whales and the like, but there still remains the fact that only one per-cent of the sea has been properly explored. Megaladon, a giant prehistoric shark, is said to have died out millions of years ago, but teeth only thousands of years old have been found. Some sea monsters resemble plesiosaurs, a kind of dinosaur-like animal thought to have died out some sixty-five million years ago. Scientists claim a cold-blooded reptile would never be able to tolerate the cold water. This is despite the fact that plesiosaurs (as well as icthiosaurs) are known to have inhabited freezing seas. And, as dinosaurs are now thought to have been warm-blooded, I see no reason why animals like plesiosaurs couldn't have also been warm-blooded. One famous sea monster is 'Morgawr', an unidentified animal said to live around Falmouth Bay in Cornwall. Two photographs, sent into a newspaper in the seventies by 'Mary F', show what seems to be a curious long-necked animal. However, as they are both in silhouette and 'Mary F' has never revealed herself, I don't know quite what to make of these photos. Though personally I'm sure there are many animals, maybe including plesiosaurs or plesiosaur-like animals, still awaiting discovery in the sea.

I often despair of people who seem to make it their life's work to prove some sea monster or lake monster doesn't exist. Whatever has happened to the human urge to explore and discover the unknown?

by Stormsworder December 30, 2006

white van man

A threat to road safety, these kinds of so-called drivers spend their time wolf-whistling at women, making stupid gestures with their hands at passers-by and generally carrying on as though they're on the dodgems. They can be found in vans of any colour, or other vehicles such as lorries, but the white van seems to have become traditional with people whose IQs are lower than their shoe size. They are often fat and reckon they're well'ard and'll give yer a slap, yer know wot I mean, mate?

A short guide to white van man hand signals.
Middle finger = "This is the number of my IQ"
Hand-cranking gesture = "This is what I do often because I can't pull a bird on account of too many of them having a brain".
Honking their horn = "I'm a complete inadequate and my vehicle's an altermnative to a dick".

by Stormsworder January 6, 2007

eastenders

A soap opera which used to be unmissable entertainment, but since about 2001 it has completely lost the plot. All the interesting characters have gone, replaced by people who are either irritating, obnoxious or both. I've lived where there are a lot of real eastenders and they're nothing like the ones in this soap opera. Albert Square is now populated by patronising working-class stereotypes (who are usually criminals, wife-beaters, serial killers etc). Nobody can keep their trousers/skirt on for more than five minutes, and Dirty Den suddenly rising from the grave shows how desperate the series has become, having exhausted all possible storylines years ago. Only continues because soap operas are so cheap to make. Once you've built the sets, you can use them forever, and you only need to go on location for a week twice a year and have a special effect once in a blue moon. And you can use the same storylines over and over. Eastenders always has an extra-depressing storyline at Christmas. Ho-ho-ho to you as well. By the way, Eastenders is now on four times a week, so that's even more padding to enjoy.

To hell with decent plots and characters. What we want in eastenders are headline-grabbing gimmick storylines, no matter how ridiculous they are. Lol! Eastenders was always larger-than-life, but surely there must be some limits.

by Stormsworder January 6, 2007

pasadena opossum

1: An opossum is a marsupial from the United States. A Pasadena Opossum is presumably one from Pasadena. There are three cities in the US with this name, one in Texas, one in California and another in Maryland.

2: A character from the Crash Bandicoot series of video games. Pasadena is a tall slim female created by eccentric scientist Dr Van Clutch to compete in cart races around his theme park. Pasadena has a Texan accent and her long tail is used as a third hand. She comes across as a bit of a stereotype valley girl. It is obvious she fancies Crash, though the feeling is not mutual.

"That Pasadena Opossum is just gorgeous. I wouldn't mind going round the track with her a few times".

Seek urgent help.

by Stormsworder January 12, 2007

lamp post

A structure used to hold a lantern in place with the intention of lighting roads, footpaths, car parks or other such areas at night. They generally consist of a post (or 'column'), and an arm (or 'bracket') onto which the lantern is inserted. The first 'lamp posts' probably consisted of burning torches on top of wooden poles around villages. Gas lamps were originally used in modern society, but their light had a very limited range, and they had to be lit by hand every night. In the twentieth century electric lamp posts became commonplace, are now to be found in towns, villages, cities, on motorways and other main roads everywhere. Originally they were made of cast-iron, but throughout the decades lighter metal lamp posts gradually came into use. Concrete lamp posts became popular during the fifties, as they did not need to be painted and were sturdy. These kinds of lamp posts (which are the best in my personal opinion, especially the older, more ornate ones)have concrete brackets with metal pipes inside them. Although there were concrete lamp posts before the war, the shortage of metal during and after the war probably helped their popularity. In recent years, however, concrete lamp posts are all being removed due to corrosion or the worry they could be dangerous if someone crashed into one and it fell on either them or a passer-by. (It is actually the metal piping inside the bracket, along with the bolts holding it to the post, which rust, buckling out of shape and cracking the concrete. If it wasn't for this you could probably have a concrete lamp post which lasted forever). Metal and plastic lamp posts are now in common use, many without brackets.

They are now putting modern (albeit cheap) lamp posts up all around the towns and villages. This has the negative effect of making the place look tacky and detracting from the beauty of the place.

by Stormsworder January 12, 2007