A burden to the human race, a scourge of humanity, a disgusting demon from Hell. The reason for such atrocities like the ESRB, v-chips, and the freakin' FCC. Soccer moms are a subspecies of humans, like monkeys and chimpanzees. They are often middle-aged and blonde, but they act like they're 20 and they often wear track pants to show of their disgusting hippo-ass that will make you vomit. They think their little, bratty, teeny boppers spawned from the radioactive shit from the asshole of Satan. Seriously, their kids are like demons! Soccer moms often force their offspring to do some sort of after school (soccer, baseball, football, etc.). Soccer moms also have very strict rules.
Me: *listening to Banana 101.5 in my Dad's car while he gets some smokes and beer*
Soccer Mom: You turn that awful garbage off this instant!
Me: *turns it up*
SM: TURN IT OFF YOU AWFUL MONSTER, MY CHILDREN ARE TO SPACES DOWN!!!
Me: Fuck you.
SM: *angry groan* YOU... YOU...*stomps off in anger*
Me: What a bitch.
Soccer Mom: You turn that awful garbage off this instant!
Me: *turns it up*
SM: TURN IT OFF YOU AWFUL MONSTER, MY CHILDREN ARE TO SPACES DOWN!!!
Me: Fuck you.
SM: *angry groan* YOU... YOU...*stomps off in anger*
Me: What a bitch.
by Valintino the Big Surpremo August 15, 2010
Generally speaking, a soccer mom is an upper middle class white woman from the suburbs. But soccer moms can be divided into two categories:
-Mrs. Foo Foo-
She was born into an upper middle class family. Her daddy payed her way through college, where she met "hubby" (who, of course, was majoring in business). She was married straight out of college, and has never had to work a day in her life because "hubby" is now some sort of douchebag in middle management. Despite "hubby" only making $80,000/year, she still likes to convince herself that he makes well into the six figures. She attempts to show this off by her large ass SUV and her daily trips to the local mall. She is in her late 20s, and 30/40s, and still tries to shop in the juniors sections, and constantly talks about her sorority back in college. She is a member of the PTA and the "Christian stay at home moms basket weaving club" at her church, although back in college she'd suck a dick at the drop of a hat. She lives vicariously through her daughters, which is why you will find her in her fold up chair definitely wearing capris, at the YMCA youth league soccer team cheering on her future little prom queen, who by the way is the best cheerleader on her $8,000 a year cheerleading team. If she has sons, he is of course "Mr. Athlete." This is not by choice of the child. ALL of her children are blond, even if she and her husband are both brunettes. Her children do not know the father, since he constantly away on his business trips screwing his secretary. This, of course causes his daughters to grow up with a "daddy complex," where they sleep with anything with a pulse and a penis to get that male attention, therefore, continueing the Mrs. Foo Foo tradion, and his sons grow up to have a drugs problem. Mrs. Foo Foo and her husband are hardcore conservative Republican.
Soccer mom number 2 is:
Mrs. Frumpy-
Mrs. Frumpy was born into a middle class blue collar family. She has always wanted nothing more than to be a mom. Her husband works a blue collar job barely making $40,000 a year working 12 hours a day, because she refuses to get a job because "Jesus intended for moms to stay at home with their little ones." Her hobbies include scrapbooking, clipping coupons, and being president of the PTA and the "Christian stay at home moms basket weaving club," and of course, her children. She is madly obsessed with her children. She only lets her 14 year old listen to Radio Disney or the Christian family songs station. Any video game not radio "E" is inappropriate. The more extremist "Mrs. Frumpies" are homeschoolers, for they feel anything that is not Christian is evil, so it shall never come in contact with her children. You can find Mrs. Frumpy on her picnic blanet at the YMCA youth soccer league games with her 4 kids, cheering on junior. Mrs. Frumpy's daughters will not play soccer, because Jesus did not intend for little girls to be rough and tough.
-Mrs. Foo Foo-
She was born into an upper middle class family. Her daddy payed her way through college, where she met "hubby" (who, of course, was majoring in business). She was married straight out of college, and has never had to work a day in her life because "hubby" is now some sort of douchebag in middle management. Despite "hubby" only making $80,000/year, she still likes to convince herself that he makes well into the six figures. She attempts to show this off by her large ass SUV and her daily trips to the local mall. She is in her late 20s, and 30/40s, and still tries to shop in the juniors sections, and constantly talks about her sorority back in college. She is a member of the PTA and the "Christian stay at home moms basket weaving club" at her church, although back in college she'd suck a dick at the drop of a hat. She lives vicariously through her daughters, which is why you will find her in her fold up chair definitely wearing capris, at the YMCA youth league soccer team cheering on her future little prom queen, who by the way is the best cheerleader on her $8,000 a year cheerleading team. If she has sons, he is of course "Mr. Athlete." This is not by choice of the child. ALL of her children are blond, even if she and her husband are both brunettes. Her children do not know the father, since he constantly away on his business trips screwing his secretary. This, of course causes his daughters to grow up with a "daddy complex," where they sleep with anything with a pulse and a penis to get that male attention, therefore, continueing the Mrs. Foo Foo tradion, and his sons grow up to have a drugs problem. Mrs. Foo Foo and her husband are hardcore conservative Republican.
Soccer mom number 2 is:
Mrs. Frumpy-
Mrs. Frumpy was born into a middle class blue collar family. She has always wanted nothing more than to be a mom. Her husband works a blue collar job barely making $40,000 a year working 12 hours a day, because she refuses to get a job because "Jesus intended for moms to stay at home with their little ones." Her hobbies include scrapbooking, clipping coupons, and being president of the PTA and the "Christian stay at home moms basket weaving club," and of course, her children. She is madly obsessed with her children. She only lets her 14 year old listen to Radio Disney or the Christian family songs station. Any video game not radio "E" is inappropriate. The more extremist "Mrs. Frumpies" are homeschoolers, for they feel anything that is not Christian is evil, so it shall never come in contact with her children. You can find Mrs. Frumpy on her picnic blanet at the YMCA youth soccer league games with her 4 kids, cheering on junior. Mrs. Frumpy's daughters will not play soccer, because Jesus did not intend for little girls to be rough and tough.
Mrs. Foo Foo is the skinny ugly blonde bitch in that big ass SUV with the "W" sticker on the back, hauling her kids to as many activities as possible, soccer mom
Mrs. Frumpy is that fat ugly, mini van driving, Christian zealot hauling her daughters to ballets, and sons to soccer, soccer moms.
Mrs. Frumpy is that fat ugly, mini van driving, Christian zealot hauling her daughters to ballets, and sons to soccer, soccer moms.
by a women with self respect February 20, 2006
A middle-aged, middle-upper class woman who generally drives an SUV, a minivan or a station wagon (the latter of which is rarely seen in this era), and lives in a suburban area such as Parsippany, New Jersey, my hometown. They believe that their children are the most important things in the world, and refuse to let them listen to any music other than Top 40 radio, play any violent video games, or let them watch TV without them nearby, as any of these could supposedly corrupt their fragile minds. They are generally members of the local PTA, and have their kids participate in as many after-school programs as possible, so they could have themselves some "me" time. They usually put soccer ball stickers on their bumpers, tailgates, or gas caps, and are especially notorious for popularizing the infamous "honor student" bumper stickers. Soccer moms are usually homemakers, especially if they have young children, and live of the income generated by their well-paid husbands.
by Kevin January 9, 2005
A psychopath who is hell bent on enslaving her children and turning them into something they weren't as a kid. They freak out if you play games like Mortal Kombat, listen to ANYTHING that isn't their kid-friendly songs/remixes. They despise porn but yet most of them read Fifty Shades of Grey.
Their husbands are always regretting their marriage and turns to pleasing himself because his wife closed up shop years ago.
Their husbands are always regretting their marriage and turns to pleasing himself because his wife closed up shop years ago.
Person 1: So what music do you like?
Person 2 I like Linkin Park but-
Raging soccer mom: DON'T YOU DARE SAY THAT NAME THEY ARE DEVIL'S MUSIC!! *Pushes kids aside*
Person 2: Shut the fuck up and go back to whatever hell hole you climbed out of you cunt!!!
Raging soccer mom:afsqgickiubervh,3:2:2$hhuwrfhiufew;78)feujkbvvsebevreubilvriun34;87);2 *Massive explosion*
Person 1: My god are they all like that?
Person 2: Yeah...
Person 2 I like Linkin Park but-
Raging soccer mom: DON'T YOU DARE SAY THAT NAME THEY ARE DEVIL'S MUSIC!! *Pushes kids aside*
Person 2: Shut the fuck up and go back to whatever hell hole you climbed out of you cunt!!!
Raging soccer mom:afsqgickiubervh,3:2:2$hhuwrfhiufew;78)feujkbvvsebevreubilvriun34;87);2 *Massive explosion*
Person 1: My god are they all like that?
Person 2: Yeah...
by Crazy915 October 18, 2012
A white upper middle or upper-class bitch in her mid 30's to late 40's. She can usually be seen loading her "precious little angles" into her massive, fuel burning SUV, to take them to soccer, or some other sport. She lives in a very large house in the suburbs with her 3 kids and her husband. Her husband is never home, he usually has some sort of corporate job, and he's having sex with the secretary. A Soccer Mom often causes road accidents because she drives at a "safe" 45 mph on highways where the speed limit is 70 mph. The accident is then paid for by her husband. The Soccer Mom always tells her kids shit like they are better than everyone else in their school, that they deserve more than everyone else, and that they are the most "talented" people in the world. This usually results in her kids being extremely full of themselves, because not only does the Soccer Mom encourage her kids to be snotty bitches who think they're better than everyone else, but they also participate in highly competitive sports. This makes her kids bratty, super competitive, obnoxious bitches. The Soccer Mom usually censors everything she doesn't feel is "appropriate" for her "perfect kids."
This includes:
- Movies that are rated above PG
- The Internet
- Video Games rated above E-10+
- Anything that makes a slight mention of drugs, alcohol, and sex.
- "Bad Words"
- "Explicit" Music
- Basically anything that isn't bubblegum flavored kiddie shit.
A Soccer Mom is usually Christian, thinks anything that isn't Christian is Satanic, and won't let her kids near it. She uses the V-Chip and puts parental controls on her kids video game systems.
Because of how sheltered her kids are, when they become adults, they are so naive about the real world, that they:
- Become Drug addicts, alcoholics, or both.
- Are so naive about the real world that it scares them.
or:
- Since their parents did everything for them as kids they figure they'll do the same as adults and become dependent on Mom and Dad.
A Soccer Mom usually dressed like a typical yuppie carries a coffee from Starbucks. Let's not forget that bumper sticker that reads "My child is an honor student at _______ Elementary school." She doesn't let her kids hang around the kids that she considers "the wrong crowd." She's selective with who her kids can be friends with and who they can't. She mostly would like her kids to hang around what she thinks are "good christian children" and not the "African American and Latin American minorities" or "The Hippie kids" She is most likely a racist and bigoted towards poor people. The Soccer Mom is basically a snobby bitch who thinks the world revolves around her and her bratty kids.
This includes:
- Movies that are rated above PG
- The Internet
- Video Games rated above E-10+
- Anything that makes a slight mention of drugs, alcohol, and sex.
- "Bad Words"
- "Explicit" Music
- Basically anything that isn't bubblegum flavored kiddie shit.
A Soccer Mom is usually Christian, thinks anything that isn't Christian is Satanic, and won't let her kids near it. She uses the V-Chip and puts parental controls on her kids video game systems.
Because of how sheltered her kids are, when they become adults, they are so naive about the real world, that they:
- Become Drug addicts, alcoholics, or both.
- Are so naive about the real world that it scares them.
or:
- Since their parents did everything for them as kids they figure they'll do the same as adults and become dependent on Mom and Dad.
A Soccer Mom usually dressed like a typical yuppie carries a coffee from Starbucks. Let's not forget that bumper sticker that reads "My child is an honor student at _______ Elementary school." She doesn't let her kids hang around the kids that she considers "the wrong crowd." She's selective with who her kids can be friends with and who they can't. She mostly would like her kids to hang around what she thinks are "good christian children" and not the "African American and Latin American minorities" or "The Hippie kids" She is most likely a racist and bigoted towards poor people. The Soccer Mom is basically a snobby bitch who thinks the world revolves around her and her bratty kids.
Person who just got in a car accident with a Soccer Mom: You fucking bitch! Why the fuck were you going on fucking 45 mph on a fucking highway for you stupid bitchy cunt!
Soccer Mom: Oh my gosh! Don't you ever use that language in front of my little angles! I'll have you know that my kids are the best on the soccer team, and they are honor students.
Person who just got in a car accident with a Soccer Mom: You think I give a shit?
Soccer Mom: Don't say that in front of my precious kids! Who do you think you are?
Soccer Mom: Oh my gosh! Don't you ever use that language in front of my little angles! I'll have you know that my kids are the best on the soccer team, and they are honor students.
Person who just got in a car accident with a Soccer Mom: You think I give a shit?
Soccer Mom: Don't say that in front of my precious kids! Who do you think you are?
by X_x X_x June 17, 2009
moms that drive mini-vans, all they care about is their kids, if their kids aren't playing enough in a sports game she will most definitely be yelling at the coach from the stands. She is very involved with the school, always doing snack day and carpooling. And she's annoying to everyone else but her best friend, who is also a soccer mom.
by aninimous September 23, 2005
Fat ass middle-age bitch whose whole life revolves around her children. Drives a mini-van or large SUV due to multiple children. Usually puts stickers on the back car window saying things such as, "Ashley #10 Soccer." Their day consists of:
-Wake up & pack lunches for kids (No sweets, pop, or anything unhealthy)
-Make sure the kids eat a nutritional breakfast
-Review the kids outfits
-Drive them to school
-Clean
-Pick them up from school
-Take ___ to soccer, ___ to ballet, and ___ to bible study.
-Pick all the kids up and get them all happy meals from McDonald's.
-Tells kids to start getting ready for bed, because it is already 7 PM
-Has very unpleasant sex with their apathetic husbands once kids are fast asleep
Commonly enjoys wearing knit sweaters with high water jeans. Usually have cheesy knick-knacks in their home, such as plates hung on the wall that say things like, "Hope" "Faith" "Believe" etc. Their children are extremely shielded from the real world, not being allowed to watch anything with bad language or sexual references. Can only watch PG-13 movies once they actually turn 13. Must be approved by the soccer mom first. Can't buy music, watch TV, hang out with friends, or anything without approval from their soccer mom first. They install V-Chips and/or parental controls on 3/4 of the TV channels. This leaves educational channels, which they usually end up blocking because of real life content. Ex. The History Channel, The Animal Planet. Usually pushes their hopes and dreams on their kids and forces them to follow them, which ends up failing epically. Their kids are so sheltered and forced to give up their individuality, which results in corruption. Their "perfect little angels" are usually hoes, sluts, bitches, potheads, drug users, drunks, or just all around bad kids behind their back. Heavy denial is involved at this point. Soccer moms are strictly christian, anything that doesn't have to do with it is the "devil's work." Soccer moms are constantly seen glaring at teenagers who curse or are "rowdy" in any sort of way. Tries to tell teens, who are complete strangers, what they can and can't do.
-Wake up & pack lunches for kids (No sweets, pop, or anything unhealthy)
-Make sure the kids eat a nutritional breakfast
-Review the kids outfits
-Drive them to school
-Clean
-Pick them up from school
-Take ___ to soccer, ___ to ballet, and ___ to bible study.
-Pick all the kids up and get them all happy meals from McDonald's.
-Tells kids to start getting ready for bed, because it is already 7 PM
-Has very unpleasant sex with their apathetic husbands once kids are fast asleep
Commonly enjoys wearing knit sweaters with high water jeans. Usually have cheesy knick-knacks in their home, such as plates hung on the wall that say things like, "Hope" "Faith" "Believe" etc. Their children are extremely shielded from the real world, not being allowed to watch anything with bad language or sexual references. Can only watch PG-13 movies once they actually turn 13. Must be approved by the soccer mom first. Can't buy music, watch TV, hang out with friends, or anything without approval from their soccer mom first. They install V-Chips and/or parental controls on 3/4 of the TV channels. This leaves educational channels, which they usually end up blocking because of real life content. Ex. The History Channel, The Animal Planet. Usually pushes their hopes and dreams on their kids and forces them to follow them, which ends up failing epically. Their kids are so sheltered and forced to give up their individuality, which results in corruption. Their "perfect little angels" are usually hoes, sluts, bitches, potheads, drug users, drunks, or just all around bad kids behind their back. Heavy denial is involved at this point. Soccer moms are strictly christian, anything that doesn't have to do with it is the "devil's work." Soccer moms are constantly seen glaring at teenagers who curse or are "rowdy" in any sort of way. Tries to tell teens, who are complete strangers, what they can and can't do.
Teen: *picks up an R rated movie*
Soccer mom: *death glare* That movie is full of gore, you aren't old enough to watch it. Put in back, NAO.
Teen: Fuck off fat-ass bitch.
Soccer mom: *goes to the store manager to complain*
Nothing happens because the store manager is fed up with frumpy fat ass soccer moms who complain every two fucking seconds.
Soccer mom: *death glare* That movie is full of gore, you aren't old enough to watch it. Put in back, NAO.
Teen: Fuck off fat-ass bitch.
Soccer mom: *goes to the store manager to complain*
Nothing happens because the store manager is fed up with frumpy fat ass soccer moms who complain every two fucking seconds.
by Die Soccer Moms March 14, 2009