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The Orris

The Orris comes from the sub-species Orristoplesians and is the one of the largest living mammals on the earth. There are only a few known documented sightings of the ever elusive Orris who remains a mystery to scientists.


The Orris has a small scruff beard that looks much like that of a homeless homosexual man. The Orris can often be seen wearing hats that contain the team emblems of horrible football teams. Standing at approximately 5’ 9’’ and weighing in at 140 #’s the Orris’ small body size contributes to the small size of the Orris Penis. Little is known about the appearance of the Baby Orris, b/c nobody has ever spotted one or recovered a photo from the Orris bloodline.

Traits & Habits

The Orris has many strange rituals which can set him apart from other wild animals. He often can be found cheering for his favorite (and shitty) football team the Carolina Panthers. The Orris has been an alcoholic since the grandma Orris gave him some alcohol distilled primitively in the stump of an oak tree outside of her lean-to to sooth his injured back. The Orris can often be found pirating movies off of his terrible computer that he tries to convince humans is the best. Has been spotted numerous times angrily chasing humans with a tennis racket and also enjoys volley-ball. The Orris is known for terrible ID pictures and wearing nerd bird glasses while driving his jeep. It’s a jeep thing, you wouldn’t understand.


The Orris eats a very small amount of food because he is a picky little bastard. His favorite food was the chicken patty with cheese and lettuce on a white bread bun. The Orris liked this food because it gave him a balanced diet of protein, dairy, vegetables, and carbohydrates. When the chicken patty was changed and disappeared from the Orris’ feading grounds in 2006, he nearly starved to death. Fortunately for the species he was able to acquire a taste in the abundant and always present nachos, on which he enjoys pounds of salsa dip.


The Orris is very picky about his women and has very strange mating characteristics. In order to release his seed into his mate, the Orris must engage in intercourse on top of a counter, preferably that of a kitchen. When the Orris reaches climax he will yell out his mating call, YABADABADOOO!
I once saw and The Orris banging on top of a kitchen counter top in college park apartment 17.

Ever elusive The Orris has never been seen in it's baby form.
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