american victories
I'm sure you've read the definitions for French Victories so out of boredom I present an analysis of american (united states) victories.
*War of independance*
American view: America kicked limey ass
Realistic: France, for the second time in its history, beat the UK. America tagged along.
Fun fact: 10% of american deaths were caused by shooting eachother.
*Quasi-war*
American view: America showed France not to mess with america
Realistic: America started to build a navy to take on a bunch of pirates. The pirates were french, and obviously had french moral support, but no armed support.
Fun fact: the war ended in the 19th century. France only managed one victory (Crimean war) in this entire century.
*Barbary war*
American view: the us saved money
Realistic: weak nations in north africa were paid into not stealing american goods. Both sides fired blanks for a few years, before the north africans decided that instead of recieving money, they would just go back to ransoming and piracy of american ships.
Fun fact: The barbary nations came out of the war less damaged than the usa, but ended it because they couldn't hit shit either, and wanted either money or pirated goods.
*second barbary war*
American view: America won
Realistic: the sides went back to firing blanks at each other, until the us navy sailed away thinking it had won. The pircy continued for a long time before the us did anything about it, which it never got round to. Before they sailed back, The British and Dutch navies had declared war and pulverised Morocco.
Fun fact: the us managed to get $10,000 reparations from morocco. Morocco had managed to get many, many times this figure out of the us.
*Mexico*
American view: america won
Realistic: agrees
Fun fact: many americans of irish descent joined up with mexico because of a strong catholic connection. These soldiers were the main army of mexico.
*utah war*
american view: mormons lost control over utah
realistic: agrees
fun fact: It took a year for the us governemnt to oust a bunch of religious fanatics.
*civil war*
American view: the north beat down some hicks
realistic: agrees. Not that fighting inbred hillbillies is hard to do.
fun fact:the south suffered less casualties, and had only a third the army of the north.
*spain*
american view: america won against a world power
realistic: Spain was far into it's economic descent, and the colonies would have gained independance within ten years. The nice folks at the us government gave the spanish $20,000,000 to do it a little earlier
fun fact: these colonies, supposedly the start of the american empire, all gained freedom not much later. In comparison, the superpowers of europe had held onto thier colonies for hundreds of years.
*boxer rebellion*
american view: america won
realistic: america represented a part of the victors.
fun fact: The word hun, slang for a german, came from the overly-aggressive german army actions in this war. It was in reaction to the huns.
*world war I*
american view: america kicked ass and is the reason the world is not speaking german
realistic: america had the equivalent status and power in the world then, as south korea or spain does now. Had america entered the war at the begining, it would have been crushed, and quite likely have given up. America came in late, brought very little to the table, and had no real effect.
fun fact: at the outbreak of WWI (in 1914, not 1917) the USAF had 50 members. The raf had thousands.
*world war two*
american view: america kicked ass and saved the world from speaking german
realistic: America pussy-footed around for three years before being forced to join. By this point france and other countries of europe had been occupied, and Britain alone stood against nazism. America jumped in, along with the USSR. If it hadn't been for the USSR taking the war to two fronts, then the outcome would have been entirely different. But america did very little to stop the main threat, and instead tested atomic weapons on Japan, leaving europe and africa to finish it themselves.
fun fact: the us government took this opportunity to make loans to britain, hoping to profit. It was never expected that the us would itself do any fighting, but instead be able to claim afterwards that it funded the war. Instead, america, frightened at the prospect of not having free capital, took over british investments in north america and gave back britain only fractions of what they were worth. Because of the length of the war, Britain and france lost control of their colonies, and suffered more than any other.
*cold war*
amerian view: america saved the world from nukes
realistic: having fogotten that some countries actually did do some fighting, and did die, america ASSumed russia was capable of taking over the world. Rather than accept russia in the way other countries were willing to, the usa spread bullshit about russia, and prepared to build up an arsenal with which to take them on. Alarmed, russia built up, albeit, not as quickly. Try to remember russia had just saved the world from Hitler ok? There wasn't as much money around.
American view: America kicked limey ass
Realistic: France, for the second time in its history, beat the UK. America tagged along.
Fun fact: 10% of american deaths were caused by shooting eachother.
*Quasi-war*
American view: America showed France not to mess with america
Realistic: America started to build a navy to take on a bunch of pirates. The pirates were french, and obviously had french moral support, but no armed support.
Fun fact: the war ended in the 19th century. France only managed one victory (Crimean war) in this entire century.
*Barbary war*
American view: the us saved money
Realistic: weak nations in north africa were paid into not stealing american goods. Both sides fired blanks for a few years, before the north africans decided that instead of recieving money, they would just go back to ransoming and piracy of american ships.
Fun fact: The barbary nations came out of the war less damaged than the usa, but ended it because they couldn't hit shit either, and wanted either money or pirated goods.
*second barbary war*
American view: America won
Realistic: the sides went back to firing blanks at each other, until the us navy sailed away thinking it had won. The pircy continued for a long time before the us did anything about it, which it never got round to. Before they sailed back, The British and Dutch navies had declared war and pulverised Morocco.
Fun fact: the us managed to get $10,000 reparations from morocco. Morocco had managed to get many, many times this figure out of the us.
*Mexico*
American view: america won
Realistic: agrees
Fun fact: many americans of irish descent joined up with mexico because of a strong catholic connection. These soldiers were the main army of mexico.
*utah war*
american view: mormons lost control over utah
realistic: agrees
fun fact: It took a year for the us governemnt to oust a bunch of religious fanatics.
*civil war*
American view: the north beat down some hicks
realistic: agrees. Not that fighting inbred hillbillies is hard to do.
fun fact:the south suffered less casualties, and had only a third the army of the north.
*spain*
american view: america won against a world power
realistic: Spain was far into it's economic descent, and the colonies would have gained independance within ten years. The nice folks at the us government gave the spanish $20,000,000 to do it a little earlier
fun fact: these colonies, supposedly the start of the american empire, all gained freedom not much later. In comparison, the superpowers of europe had held onto thier colonies for hundreds of years.
*boxer rebellion*
american view: america won
realistic: america represented a part of the victors.
fun fact: The word hun, slang for a german, came from the overly-aggressive german army actions in this war. It was in reaction to the huns.
*world war I*
american view: america kicked ass and is the reason the world is not speaking german
realistic: america had the equivalent status and power in the world then, as south korea or spain does now. Had america entered the war at the begining, it would have been crushed, and quite likely have given up. America came in late, brought very little to the table, and had no real effect.
fun fact: at the outbreak of WWI (in 1914, not 1917) the USAF had 50 members. The raf had thousands.
*world war two*
american view: america kicked ass and saved the world from speaking german
realistic: America pussy-footed around for three years before being forced to join. By this point france and other countries of europe had been occupied, and Britain alone stood against nazism. America jumped in, along with the USSR. If it hadn't been for the USSR taking the war to two fronts, then the outcome would have been entirely different. But america did very little to stop the main threat, and instead tested atomic weapons on Japan, leaving europe and africa to finish it themselves.
fun fact: the us government took this opportunity to make loans to britain, hoping to profit. It was never expected that the us would itself do any fighting, but instead be able to claim afterwards that it funded the war. Instead, america, frightened at the prospect of not having free capital, took over british investments in north america and gave back britain only fractions of what they were worth. Because of the length of the war, Britain and france lost control of their colonies, and suffered more than any other.
*cold war*
amerian view: america saved the world from nukes
realistic: having fogotten that some countries actually did do some fighting, and did die, america ASSumed russia was capable of taking over the world. Rather than accept russia in the way other countries were willing to, the usa spread bullshit about russia, and prepared to build up an arsenal with which to take them on. Alarmed, russia built up, albeit, not as quickly. Try to remember russia had just saved the world from Hitler ok? There wasn't as much money around.
american victories by June 22, 2004
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