One of several sleeping postures best described by its namesake "Le proporzioni del corpo umano secondo Vitruvio" drawn by Leonardi da Vinci circa 1490. This resting position is the opposite of the fetal position which was popularized in French culture between the years 1859 and the present day. Most likely developed in Ireland, this "posturi vitruvio" came to an abrupt halt when eagles began tearing the nuts off of all Irishmen. Word soon reached the new colonies, and it was nearly unanimously decided that the eagle was the the most terrifying creature, subsequently adopted as our national sigil. Vitruvian sleepers will bloom best in comfortable conditions, with a solid roof to prevent talons through testicles.
Mary soon discovered that after waking up several times with a faceful of Brad's armpit hair, she was beginning to enjoy the outdoorsy taste of Gillette sport. Mary then accepted that she would live with this vitruvian sleeper for all time, and suckle the sweet residues of man dew every morning until the end of her life.
by Mieshter April 24, 2014