The Cheeto Delimma
Scenario: While sitting in the hallway one day at lunch (assume everyone goes to the same school) a gotchi boy walks by, and for whatever reason, throws his freshly opened bag of cheeto's down--and runs away. The reactions are instaneous.
Ashley starts to bawl b/c this boy, her best "friend" obviously doesn't appreciate the expense of these cheetos, like he probably even had to sneak some of his parents orphan donation fund for children in India to get this cheeto bag. Oh, the nerve. Plus my dad owns 1/18 of that cheeto bag (don't question me! Go look in the Black & Decker bylaws or something!)Wait, boy come back, ashley yells down the hallway---"Do you want to come with our group to QO Homecoming? WE ALL want you too! Ew, he didn't even look back, i'm calling Mike b/c i'm just kowing no one else will pick up. He'll sympathize with me! (while on the phone to Mike) "Hold on, Wheres PETRO?"
Petro as if wating for his personal cue to get involved (which wasn't a real invitation), Petro rides in on a White Grande Horse, wearing shiny metal-plated armor. "Petro! I find you irrestible" Ashley shouts 2 him from the ground! "Petro, who's Petro?! Petro replies scathingly, my NAME is Nice & Peachy, but that's Mr. Nice and Peachy to you! Why are you here, we all wonder? But at this instant, Pet--Mr. N + P (for short) --note to self those are Petro Nungovitch's initals in reverse! ahh--...jumps down from his horse and waves his homeade banner, it reads "Where is the Justice?" This inhumane act, ohh how i'd rather eat my own spine, then see this UNJUSTICE, who, if not I will protect the HONOR, and reputation of our fellow janitors? Anyone against me...I will fight you right now, call the cops on you, CHESS IT OUT! just let me know b/c i don't hate you and afterall---we're friends right?
Mike "I'm your friend Petro!But i'll be more than your friend if your a girl!" Wink wink! However he spots a random girl and runs over to her, trying to hit on her, while still on the phone to Ashley. "Ash, just tell me Mr.Mike Fix it, why you are bawling and upset and i will take your side! Mike decides to take Ash out to lunch to "comfort" her, then later go to her house to chill. "its ok ashley, you don't waste your dad's money, but of course i'll accompany you to the Wizzards game courtside tonight". Oh hi...Rachael.
Rachael--who has been sorta hesitant --"No i wasn't that would mean i'd be ONLy on the HESITANT side, which i'm not!" this whole time, watching from her position in the middle of the hallway, hands over her face, she is cowering down....must...refrain..from thinking, feeling, moving, saying anything... MUST PLEASE EVERYONE!!!! or today will be a complete failure. Should i pick up the Cheeto bag, go assist ash, call mike, side w/ fletch? go and run after the gothic boy who dropped the cheetobag so he will have his lunch back or make justice signs w/ petro? but then what about the liter still stitting there and bonnie who is just laughing w/ fletch, should i go laugh w/ them? In a whirlwind of choices Rachael passes out in the middle of the hallway. Nobody notices except somewhere subconsciously rachael feels guilty about displeasing the school nurse who will inevitabely be called since shes out cold! Speaking of Cold Bonnie who declares she is FREEZING, despite wearing her cute new JCREW jean jacket w/ her snowflake broch, appears with her best sidekick Fletcher who, acutally is IN school magically today. They walk down the hallway laughing and bon grabs the cheeto bag and simply enjoys the remaining contents w/ fletch. What a great occasion. To celebrate, both Bonnie and Fletch skip the rest of school to get Starbucks Caramel Fraps! It appears behind fletch trails a wet toliet paper wad ...hmm excellent--a new victim!
At this very moment, Wilson and Robert come in and PARTY BOY PETRO, gex starts telling stories that top everyone elses stories while yelling someone punch him! let's start a riot! Wilson appears to have found Matches and simountaneously while playing Lord of the Rings theme song on his trumpet, seems to be flicking matches off the match-book in a skilled fashion so that they light while in mid flight, and is burning Petro's Justice Signs.
Matt Gress---comes in declaring loudly "who ate the cheetos?, MY big jucy lips simply LOOVE cheeto's but but even more so then that, (here he tries to wink but the combo of his lopsided head and his already squinty eyes make this task difficult) i love getting to "KNOW" ashley's *horse* cough lips too! He suddenly realizes that his and ashleys' "Hook-Up a mere 6 times" burned 10 calories and feeling suddenly tired, he sits on Ian, mistaking him for a small chair.
Then theres Jay A.K.A Johnathon Pratt---who at the mention of the word "hookup" by matt gress, hobbles in (on crutches) laughing and is madly dialing Fletch's cell (one of his 39087 calls dailly to her) to make sure she knows how it really was a hookup, NOT just a kiss! HA! While hobbling Jay starts beating Petro w/ his one good leg and yelling (*unsarcastically of course) "Chess players are soo much cooler than laxers!" Jay then turns to bonnie and tells her he really likes her Jcrew Jacked and tells her that he owns Jcrew ribbon belts in 16 different colors that would match and look SeXy! That's nice jay. Suddenly Huge PG county Strait up Ganster convicts show up and pull out their Knives (Disobeying Jay's one DIRECT rule) who are ready to RRRRRUUUUUUUMMMBLE! Oh where's that gothic boy who started it all? i HATE goths they suck, he pulls out a gun and shoots him. HAPPY NOW?!? get it happy now!? haha oh jonathon we think you are crazy. ...we shouldn't be talking.
Ashley starts to bawl b/c this boy, her best "friend" obviously doesn't appreciate the expense of these cheetos, like he probably even had to sneak some of his parents orphan donation fund for children in India to get this cheeto bag. Oh, the nerve. Plus my dad owns 1/18 of that cheeto bag (don't question me! Go look in the Black & Decker bylaws or something!)Wait, boy come back, ashley yells down the hallway---"Do you want to come with our group to QO Homecoming? WE ALL want you too! Ew, he didn't even look back, i'm calling Mike b/c i'm just kowing no one else will pick up. He'll sympathize with me! (while on the phone to Mike) "Hold on, Wheres PETRO?"
Petro as if wating for his personal cue to get involved (which wasn't a real invitation), Petro rides in on a White Grande Horse, wearing shiny metal-plated armor. "Petro! I find you irrestible" Ashley shouts 2 him from the ground! "Petro, who's Petro?! Petro replies scathingly, my NAME is Nice & Peachy, but that's Mr. Nice and Peachy to you! Why are you here, we all wonder? But at this instant, Pet--Mr. N + P (for short) --note to self those are Petro Nungovitch's initals in reverse! ahh--...jumps down from his horse and waves his homeade banner, it reads "Where is the Justice?" This inhumane act, ohh how i'd rather eat my own spine, then see this UNJUSTICE, who, if not I will protect the HONOR, and reputation of our fellow janitors? Anyone against me...I will fight you right now, call the cops on you, CHESS IT OUT! just let me know b/c i don't hate you and afterall---we're friends right?
Mike "I'm your friend Petro!But i'll be more than your friend if your a girl!" Wink wink! However he spots a random girl and runs over to her, trying to hit on her, while still on the phone to Ashley. "Ash, just tell me Mr.Mike Fix it, why you are bawling and upset and i will take your side! Mike decides to take Ash out to lunch to "comfort" her, then later go to her house to chill. "its ok ashley, you don't waste your dad's money, but of course i'll accompany you to the Wizzards game courtside tonight". Oh hi...Rachael.
Rachael--who has been sorta hesitant --"No i wasn't that would mean i'd be ONLy on the HESITANT side, which i'm not!" this whole time, watching from her position in the middle of the hallway, hands over her face, she is cowering down....must...refrain..from thinking, feeling, moving, saying anything... MUST PLEASE EVERYONE!!!! or today will be a complete failure. Should i pick up the Cheeto bag, go assist ash, call mike, side w/ fletch? go and run after the gothic boy who dropped the cheetobag so he will have his lunch back or make justice signs w/ petro? but then what about the liter still stitting there and bonnie who is just laughing w/ fletch, should i go laugh w/ them? In a whirlwind of choices Rachael passes out in the middle of the hallway. Nobody notices except somewhere subconsciously rachael feels guilty about displeasing the school nurse who will inevitabely be called since shes out cold! Speaking of Cold Bonnie who declares she is FREEZING, despite wearing her cute new JCREW jean jacket w/ her snowflake broch, appears with her best sidekick Fletcher who, acutally is IN school magically today. They walk down the hallway laughing and bon grabs the cheeto bag and simply enjoys the remaining contents w/ fletch. What a great occasion. To celebrate, both Bonnie and Fletch skip the rest of school to get Starbucks Caramel Fraps! It appears behind fletch trails a wet toliet paper wad ...hmm excellent--a new victim!
At this very moment, Wilson and Robert come in and PARTY BOY PETRO, gex starts telling stories that top everyone elses stories while yelling someone punch him! let's start a riot! Wilson appears to have found Matches and simountaneously while playing Lord of the Rings theme song on his trumpet, seems to be flicking matches off the match-book in a skilled fashion so that they light while in mid flight, and is burning Petro's Justice Signs.
Matt Gress---comes in declaring loudly "who ate the cheetos?, MY big jucy lips simply LOOVE cheeto's but but even more so then that, (here he tries to wink but the combo of his lopsided head and his already squinty eyes make this task difficult) i love getting to "KNOW" ashley's *horse* cough lips too! He suddenly realizes that his and ashleys' "Hook-Up a mere 6 times" burned 10 calories and feeling suddenly tired, he sits on Ian, mistaking him for a small chair.
Then theres Jay A.K.A Johnathon Pratt---who at the mention of the word "hookup" by matt gress, hobbles in (on crutches) laughing and is madly dialing Fletch's cell (one of his 39087 calls dailly to her) to make sure she knows how it really was a hookup, NOT just a kiss! HA! While hobbling Jay starts beating Petro w/ his one good leg and yelling (*unsarcastically of course) "Chess players are soo much cooler than laxers!" Jay then turns to bonnie and tells her he really likes her Jcrew Jacked and tells her that he owns Jcrew ribbon belts in 16 different colors that would match and look SeXy! That's nice jay. Suddenly Huge PG county Strait up Ganster convicts show up and pull out their Knives (Disobeying Jay's one DIRECT rule) who are ready to RRRRRUUUUUUUMMMBLE! Oh where's that gothic boy who started it all? i HATE goths they suck, he pulls out a gun and shoots him. HAPPY NOW?!? get it happy now!? haha oh jonathon we think you are crazy. ...we shouldn't be talking.
The Cheeto Delimma by Life w/ FU November 16, 2004
