From observation, recognising that the general standard of television in my
opinion has deteriorated and continues to do so year by year, so much so I now watch very little, I’ve found as far as the programme
quality and content on all television channels, the following Doghouse's Laws of Television often apply.
I started compiling this list several years ago and some of these "laws" are now occasionally mentioned by contributors to a specific TV network message board, though of course they can apply to any channel.
I'm sure other contributors may relate to some of them and can think of other examples of practices which could be added to the list.
With a new programme, if your impression of it after
ten minutes is that it's going to be rubbish, you’ll only be right 95% of the time.
The number of advance programme trails screened, will be in inverse proportion to the
quality of the programme. The ”best
bits” of any programme will be included in the trail.
The volume of background
music will often be in inverse proportion to the amount of watchable activity on the screen at that time.
Any TV audience gets the standard of programmes it deserves. It’s no good complaining about the
quality of a programme if you continue to watch it.
If an idea for a programme suggested to a TV network commissioning department isn’t another soap in
one form or another, or requires an "in your face" presenter/auto-cutie, celebrities, judges,
phone votes, or the inclusion of dysfunctional members of the public, it is unlikely to be made.
The number of programme presenters appearing at any one time, will usually be in inverse proportion to the
quality of the programme.
The number and variety of similar programmes on TV, are likely to be in inverse proportion to their cost to present.
To reach the widest audience, in a programme where the subject is of a specific nature, it may include totally
unrelated elements in an attempt to also “engage” viewers who
aren’t the slightest bit interested in the actual topic, in a futile attempt to increase the ratings.
Some programmes,
even a few news bulletins, given the level at which the programme makers pitch their production, should have the
words; "for Dummies" added to the title.
If you've any doubts about watching a programme, from the trails or advertising you've
seen, take a chance, give it a miss.
